"Every Player Is A Puppet"

"Everybody who is fit is available. You don't lose any base fitness over two weeks so everybody who is in the squad has a chance of being involved." was oor managers only comment on the returning Aiden McGeady.

Smart money is on an appearance as sub. But, oor manager has been known to produce strange decisions and wie Shunsuke Nakamura being left out of the squad, due to 'The Virus', wonder what he will put in his diary, or soccer notebook, regarding that...

"Saturday 3rd Jan: Still got green snot coming oot ma nose, gaffer says I have to stay away. I read over my diary and stick pins in ma Koki Mizuno doll" 

...means that Koki and McGeady are the only creative widemen we have. Marc Crosas has returned, Jan Vennegoor made a fleeting appearance last week and Massimo Donati is fit enough to move back to Serie A by the 2nd Feb. 'Hessellinkitis' only has got Shaun Maloney and Paddy McCourt in it's grip. So, the manager has mair options than a mail order bride catalogue.

Dundee Hibs are unbeaten in 6 games, W3 D3, and drew on their last visit to CP. This season they were unlucky not to gain 3 points against us and have drew against The Huns twice. They are contenders for 3rd spot and will be a hard nut to crack. There record when they have scored first this season is W9 L1 but on the 8 occassions they have lost the 1st goal they have D3 L5 record.

Score first and win the game. Simple instruction to write doon on the clipboard for the manager. We have had 1 defeat in the last 16 games, in those games we have lost the 1st goal on 3 occassions giving us a W1 D1 L1 record.

Dundee Hibs have a decent record at CP. They have a D3 L2 record during WGS term. Wie Nakamura oot, Jan Vennegoor and Scott McDonald ,wie 3 goals apiece, are the main contenders in the goal scoring stakes. So, I reckon a 2-0 victory for Celtic wie both Jan and Skippy scoring.

The main aim is 3 points. All sideshows should be consigned to Bob.

Forza

Perfect 10.

We all know Celtic's profile in Japan has increased due to us signing Shunsuke Nakamura and Koki Mizuno. The other evening, BBC Scotland had a program called "Football Far East: Beyond Nakamura", which showed Celtic trying to exploit, milk, rob, con, expand The Celtic Brand in Asia. 

You had to put up wie Alex Millar, Steven Tweed and Les Mottram but for this 4mins 42 seconds it was worth me not paying ma Tv License.

"Naylor you Idiot".

The full program is here. Watch and cringe at Peter Lawwell. At least Robin Hood wore a mask.

Forza

"Working for The Yankee Dollar"

It was all about Artur Boruc. Though.

He was welcomed like the legend he his and the second half was a homeage to The Holy Goalie. After 60 mins The Holy Goalie wandered to take a free kick inside the box. He turned to what is known as 'The Green Brigade Corner', thumped the Celtic badge and gave a wee clenched fist salute.

Like a showman playing the crowd, it was an encore we wanted. We got it. Just after, Villarreal sprung a Feeder Club tactic, long ball over the top, and the Villarreal player was bearing doon on goal. The Holy Goalie set himself up and produced the save. The ball was cleared. The Holy Goalie punched the air. After that it was all waves and claps to his adoring public.

The message was clear. The only Goalie catching, or not as the case maybe, Easter Roaditis was Viera in the Villarreal goal. I fully expect a witch-hunt in the Spanish press to be underway to chase him out of Spain.

After a decent nights work, when he was not troubled, Artur went home and listened to the new Dido album.

Don't Look Back In Anger

"You have taken me from a calm manager preparing to experiment....." said WGS before the game, so playing yer best team in it's best formation is experimenting. Long may it continue say 99.9% of Celtic fans.

The Euro Disney Nights that CP is famed for last night had a Santa's Groto in Devon atmosphere around it as the maist unimportant Big Cup game since Juventus or as meaningless as the turkey shoot against Artmedia Bratislava.

The predicted mass stay-away due to the meaningless nature and glamour December friendly feel was a damp squib for those Tv watchers wanting to see a car crash. The playing for pride, points and money brigade won a points victory as watching Marcos Senna being so far in Scott Broon's pocket that he was keeping his cahonas warm was worth the expense.

Added to a final Big Cup cameo by oor Japanese Number 25, the return of Aiden McGeady and Andy Hinkel turning in another decent performance made this glorified training session, made even mair worthless by a comedy M.I.B, a confidence boosting 90mins that still left you feeling empty at the end.

The media, quite rightly, focused on what might have been and kept mentioning that we finished bottom of the group. "We did enough in Aalborg to win the game, everybody in this room whom I met has said we deserved to win." moaned oor manager, " We had a smashing performance against Villarreal away and we were six minutes away from beating against Manchester United here although we obviously had our backs to the wall." he added stretching the truth a bit and hiding the bit of paper that say's only Bate, Keiv and Famagusta had less shots on target than us in the whole of The Big Cup.

The fact that we scored only 4 goals shows were oor problem lay. Bad finishing and injuries can be blamed for us going from being last 16 contenders to sharing a bath wie Cluj, Anorthosis, Basel, PSV, Steaua, Fenerbahce and Bate when the Europa contenders reconvene early next year. Blaming those things only is being kind. Cards on the table? We weren't good enough.

At least Scott Broon commited the most fouls in the group section and Celtic were like 11 Wayne Rooneys and commited a massive 97 fouls in oor 6 games.

Glamour friendly highlights here, short arsed goal links, here and here.

Rumour O'Filter

".......we have a plan already. I can't do any of the finance bit -that's the chief executive's role - I just deal with the football bit. If you think there is a really good one out there for £500,000, then it is well worth it, or I might just get a Bosman and pay him a half a year's wages." muttered WGS the other day.

Not an indication that we expect the econnoisseurs of the PLC to spend £5m big ones on Welshman wie questionable tattoos and a history Hessellinkities so bad that Big Jan signs his sicknotes.

The usual Celtic 'source' is quoted as not saying: “Gordon is desperate to land him. He isn’t concerned by his reputation, having handled the younger version and others like Noel Whelan. Bellers was a huge hit when he was on loan up here and, at around £5m, the signing would be good business.”

Aye, that Noel Whelan was a £5m, £70,000 a week Big Time Charlie right enough.

Well at least you won't be waking up to Charlie Nicholas on Xmas morning and I'm off to ponder why bands from Glesga want to sound like West Coast Americans.

Forza

Ok, in the complete boredom of writing the post-match grumble, for the game against The 'Senkie, I forgot to have a look at the all important stats, which will show that it was as one-sided as a snooker table wie 2 legs.

So, here we go. 61% possession, 3 shots on and 5 shots off target. The 'Senkie mustered 2 shots on and 3 shots off target. Yes, it was a one-sided snore-fest. Still, 22 games left and if we win them all we will have a total of 109 points. LoTW said at the end of last season that 90 points should be the target to retain the league. If recent form continues, I reckon that a measly 85 upwards could leave The Huns needing the Duckworth Lewis Method to stop 4 in a row.

LoTW also sees that there is already talk of Celtic, currently on a 12 game winning streak, beating the 2003/04 teams winning run of 25 games in a row. Now, while this means that oor run is now cursed and will come to a halt on Sunday as defeat is now in the post, it is a good excuse to say "We're Half Way There", anyway.

Tims In Shorts

Oot of Europa, getting abused in the meeja and wie a Transfer Windae coming up means that it's time for The Sharp Suited Man, Peter Lawwell, to step up to the plate and feed us some words of wisdom.

"We have three domestic trophies to win. We want to win the SPL title to get us to four in a row and be back in the Champions League next year. To that end, in the short term, we will be doing as much as we can to support (manager) Gordon (Strachan) in January." said The Sharp Suited Man, while dusting off his suitcase in preparation for sitting in airport lounges, talking to agents aboot deals that never get done. Known in the trade as "A Tamas".

"We are looking at both quality and quantity. We have a track record of getting to a transfer window and coming out of it stronger." he added, while thinking how he can spin swapping Aiden McGeady for Mark(o) Viduka, plus £5m of the finest Geordie readies, as a decent bit of business.

At least the credit crunch means that Shunsake Nakamura will be staying until the end of the season. Car giants, Nissan, have decided not to stump up the £3m cash for the Man From Japan, which means he will see out his contract and leave in the summer.

"Celtic didn't want Naka to leave and Naka didn't want to leave. Therefore, there was never any prospect of Shunsuke leaving in January." said a Celtic spokesman whose nose was getting longer as he spoke. LoTW hopes they workoot how to clone Nakamura between now and May.

Rumour O'Filter

Szabolcs Huszti, the golden boy of Hungarian football, here scoring 2 goals against Scotland, reckons he will leave Hannover 96 when his contract expires in the summer. He is busy filling a pool full of mud for Bolton, Everton, Portsmouth Celtic and Sevilla too fight it oot in for the winger. Celtic would be as well taking their Speedos off and not bother getting dirty as he says: “The Premier League and Primera Divison are the best championships in the world and I’d love to continue my career there in order to reach my best football."

Niall McGinn, who was the guest of Swansea City at the weekend, will not be coming to Celtic on trial. "About a fortnight ago they asked to take him on a week's trial but we rejected that out of hand. We are not sending any players on trial." said Pat McDaid who is Derry's Chairman. 

Another blog over. Interesting debate on the Hail Hails. I mentioned that was The Good Doctor Jo oor PLG. Click here to join on that debate or to see a great post regarding a spark plug getting thrown at a one-armed drummer. Remember you don't need an OleOle profile to comment.

The answer is Barry Robson. What's the question? Leave your thoughts here. The Blogs profile page is here if you wish to comment or send The Blog a message.

Ok.

"Feedthebeargate"

In the attempts to be seen as knowledgeable, I posted a question that I had the wrong answer for. Roy Aitken left Celtic on the 10th Jan 1990 for The Barcodes. This means, that when he came on as a sub for Ecosse against Diego Maradonas Argentina in March 1990 he was a Barcode player.

LoTW can only apologise for this oversight. Not that 99% of the readers bothered their arse to answer the question anyway. So, to make it easier for the 99% that didnae take part here is a wee highlights package, worth watching 24mins of pure Hoopy gold, to help you wie the last blogs teaser, which was name the starting 11 that won the league at Love Street in May 86.

**Looks smug wie himself as in no way will any of the 33 readers realise that, once again, he has posted a question he does not know the answer to and the video will help him**

Boruc Kills A Helen At Love Street

It was an easy victory, as my during game Hail Hails back up, but only one "incident" will make the headlines. The incident is here. It has been described by one of the beacons of bampottery for the pay-as-you-go generation as, as bad as Toni Schumacher in the 1982 World Cup. While it's not an audition for re-make of The Karate Kid, it's akin to a drunk bumping into a fellow drunk on Sauchiehall Street on a Saturday night. No malice just stupid.

Uncle Fester MacPherson was one of the first wie the massive over-reaction: "We are not complaining about goal-scoring opportunities or it being the last man, we are only talking about the challenge. If a centre-back or outfield player makes a challenge as crude as that, I think there would only be one outcome - we would all be expecting a red card." he moaned, I think, wieoot actually seeing the incident.

The Helen player who was on the end of the "bump", Craig Dargo, put a nail in the coffin of the accusations of a heid high tackle when he said: "He caught me on the top of my leg. I wasn't really trying to look at him too much because if I had seen him coming I would have pulled out of it a bit. If he had hit me full on I would have been in some pain."

There you go. While some are blaming Boruc for war in the Middle East, The Credit Crunch and Timmy Mallet being back on the telly, the player involved backs up the footage that the HG pulls out of the challenge before contact.

Jog on. Nothing to see or moan aboot.

Which is what GS did. "We played better than we did last week against Hamilton and we had to.We were fortunate we had players who can do magical things." said GS. 52% possession, 6 shots on and 7 off target, compared to The Helen's 1 shot on and 1 shot off shows how comfortable it was.

Goals from Samaras, a cracker from Naka and a tap in from Cillian Sheridan completed 11 wins in a row. We lost a stupid goal in the last minute to oor auld friend Jim Hamilton. Only blip on the day.

The manager beamed aboot Nakamura: “The second goal [by Nakamura] was magnificent, even the boys are talking about it just now and I thought he was fantastic all day. It was a day when it was grey and horrible and you didn’t expect that kind of performance but he gave us it all day.” He is on a great scoring run The Man From Japan and is 2nd top goalscorer for us, joint wie Skippy, after Samaras, who we are glad is back.

That is 19 goals we have scored in the final 30mins of games this season but we have also lost 11 in the same period. Seems oor games come to life then.

Winner Takes It All.

It's a fight to the death then. Winner takes all in Denmark. So, it's always nice when some big mouth from the other camp comes oot wie tosh like this: ""Celtic are not intimidating. I believe we will win against them. There was no player who was outstanding, on the contrary, I was more impressed by St Mirren who managed to get some great scoring chances. Celtic's defence is far from world class, and we will create many chances if we manage to keep the ball on the ground."

While being completely off the radar wie part of that comment, we have to agree oor defence is not world class. Compared to Aalborg BK's though it has lost 6 goals less in the Big Cup this season. A defence that has lost 11 goals in 4 games should mean easy pickings but wie oor record of only 1 goal in the Big Cup and only 11 shots on target and 15 off target, means that we might be trying to savage  the Danes wie a died gerbil. 

In terms of performances away from home, we have improved this season but that has been at the detriment of creating chances and scoring goals. In fact I would say the Big Cup has been a disappointment this season.

While the press and the bookies have forgotten that we huvnae won away fae home in the Big Cup and that we huvnae scored a goal away from home since December 2006 they make us favourites to win the UEFA Vase bun fight. They seem to have missed the ghost of Rosenburg that is slapping LoTW in the coupon.

We are now behind Aalborg BK in terms of possession, 46% and 43%, and also shots on and off target. The only stat we are in front of them wie is we have commited 69 fouls compared to their 60. But, Aalborg BK have lost 7 goals in the last 15mins before HT and 5 in the last 15 before FT. That suits oor strong goalscoring record in those periods.

The guid news for us is oor Hessellinkitis seems to be clearing up wie Aiden McGeady set to return.

"Aiden has a great chance. His calf injury is okay. He had a bit of tendonitis in the knee in the last couple of days but he came in yesterday and felt really good." said Neil Lennon, Celtic chief cone puter-outer, before the team flew oot.

He agrees wie LoTW's when he said: "It is a must win game for us. I think it will be a British style game. But we are in good form and we want to get that monkey off our back in terms of winning away from home". The winning away fae hame monkey means that I would take a draw in this game.

Aalborg BK have only lost to Man Utd and Getafe at home in Europe in the last 5 years. Though Celtic's record in Europe against Danes is decent, 7W 2D 2L, this is a tough tie just due to THAT away record. We have to treat it as a Scottish Cup tie against a team we have the guns to outgun. That team though, also fancy their chances at causing an upset.

Will we stick wie oor 4-2-3-1 formation that we played at Trafford Ball Park and El Madrigal or revert to a 4-4-2? Oor manager say's: "We try and attack everywhere we go so it will be no different and we will play the game as we see it" while mentioning slight injury concerns to Nakamura, Robson and Hartley.

The golden notebook needs all 3 to be on it. Esp Robson. He will need to add to his 14 fouls that he has already commited this season in the Big Cup. At least we are top of the Big Cup league in something.

It's nearly behind the couch time. Thoughts and fears, put them in the Hail Hails (you don't have to be logged in to comment), it's like a problem page for sad, lonely Tims worried aboot away Euro games. Dinny worry, last time we played on the 25th November, away from home, we drew wie Barca.

Forza

Hurrah.

Remember, hopefully all 33 readers will, that I reported Laptop LoTW was suffering, like must of the Celtic team, from Hessellinkitis. Yes? Well, it has made a full recovery despite being told by this bunch of McCunist's that it's career was over.

So, from the ashes, like Bawwy(8), but wie mair purpose and wieoot the knee-ouch, it means LoTW will return to it's (ir)regular self-"Boo" cry 33 readers- and the blogs will, hopefully, be shorter- "Hurrah!!" cry 33 readers.

In celebration of this and in light of the Tartan Urmies embarrassing fixation wie Diego Maradona's Argentina, I'm bowling you a wee brain teaser to test if 1) any of you have brains and 2) or any of you are auld enough to know the answer.

Diego Maradona's Argentina played a worthless friendly at Hampden in 1990. Name the Celtic players that played in the worthless 1-0 Scotland win.

Huns Go Into Permarage Over The Tims In Black.

When Paul Hartley is not fronting a sub-standard Chilli-Peppers wannabe stoner surfer types he is scoring late goals for Celtic in dodgy 2-1 victories over Plucky Relegated Hamilton. Highlights or lowlights are here.

"It was a crucial time," said Zico while laughing at the FACT that LoTW didnae mention him in the ex-playerism as he used to play for Plucky Relegated Hamilton, "It was the last few minutes of the game and I played a one-two with Scott Brown and managed to strike it very well. Thankfully it went in." So were all of The Hoops who were glad to see Celtic scoring their 12th goal this season in the last 15 mins of games.

It was also the 16th time under WGS that we have come from behind to win cames in the final minutes and this season it's the second time we have came from a goal down to win a game. It's also only the 2nd time this season we have lost the opening goal but...this time we cameback to win.

The game did change on a dodgy decision though. This time the M.I.B called the decision correctly, free kick and sending off, but his assistant M.I.B told him it was a pen, which Nakamura buried wie ease despite heavy strapping on his knee.

Plucky Relegated Hamilton boss, Billy Reid, boaked on his broon brogues while shouting: "TV evidence has proved it was outside the box, but that's the way it has been for us. When we played Rangers recently Kris Boyd scored an offside goal and that went against us. Two weeks ago Chris Porter scored and was clearly offside. I hear and read so much about decisions going against teams and it is definitely going against Hamilton at the moment."

It's true that when yer pishing in the wind wie, no wins in 8, then it's odds on that yer pish will end up on yer dress trousers. Plucky Relegated Hamilton are now finding that out.

WGS gloated: "I just know it's a penalty. Football can be harsh at times. I've been on the end of harsh decisions and you have to deal with it." We will have to deal wie it as well as in the coming months I can see decisions now going against us on the behest of the meeja.

On the poor performance WGS said:"I thought Hamilton were terrific. Their performance in the first half especially was excellent and we didn't have enough in our locker to break them down. They had plenty of energy and we had to do something at half-time to make it better. We did that and things were better in the second half."

Oor stats of 9 shots on and 5 shots of target gie us the impression of a battering. The 50% possession stat shows just how close it came to all going pear-shaped before Gretna last season peered into view. M.I.A awards go to Shaun Maloney, Andy Hinkel, Mark Wilson and Cillian Sheridan. Scott Brown was quiet and Paul Hartley was MOTM by the length of the M74.

But we can't complain. We are unbeaten in 10 games. We have scored 29 goals in a period. The team have kept on winning while being on their arses wie Hessellinkitis. We have only had 2 dodgy performances during that winning run and they were at Inversenkie and Plucky Relegated Hamilton.

All's guid eh?

Tims In Shorts.

Paul Caddis, has seen his pre-season promise disappear but it husnae stopped him wanting a 1st team start. He said of his opperchancity this week by captaining Scotland's U21: "This is another chance to impress my club manager. Every game you play you're going to be watched, so you want to impress. Playing in international football you are playing against the best, so it's a chance to impress my club manager."

Yes, playing in a meek 3-1 defeat to Norn Iron, hardly the best international side in the world, is bound to impress a watching manager.

Andy Hinkel, who when he is not singing 6th form poetry, fronting Radiohead Buckley wannabees, while walking along a beach looking for surfer stoner dudes to hit wie a baseball bat, he is doing an impression of a German Internationlist right back for us. On the worthless friendly Germany are playing against them he said: "" I am happy to have been called up by the coach", before adding in the vain hope of getting a game: "I reckon several German players are injured" while jumping up and down wie his hand in the air.

Gary Caldwell, who returned to the 'Heid and Hoof' form on Sunday, said of playing against Diego Maradona's Argentina: "We took this game on to get a big match and a good atmosphere," forgetting that the match has bombed and the only atmosphere will be created by the Diego sitting in the stands.

"It will be great to be involved. You play football to play against the best players and Argentina have got them." added Heid but Barry Robson disnny seem to think so as he has decided to gie the worthless friendly a miss wie put on tight hamstring-ouch. 

Rumour O'Filter

The already boring saga of an over the hill left back looking for a last payday took another twist wie his Mr 15% saying: "He is adored by the fans, he adores them and he loves being at a huge club like Barca. I'd say it's far more likely he will look at his situation in June."

I'm sure Bolton and Wigan are watching the situation.

The first fantasy signing rumour of the season. Craig Bellamy is rumoured to be wanted to join the long list of strikers we will have injured in the run-in. A Celtic source has said: "He has his eye on Bellamy and wants to make a move in January. Gordon has worked with Bellers before so knows all about his controversial nature. But he believes he can get the best out of him and give him the chance to win trophies and play at the highest possible level in the Champions League again.'

He called him Bellars..this is happening.

So that's it. I'm off to scream "Bellamy, Bellamy, Bellammmmmyyyy" for a few hours and then settle down and watch my Doctor Who box set. I'm sure the 23.76% of LoTWites, who have completed "World Of War Craft" will now be geekified on "Football Manager" for the foreseeable.

 Stark, McAvennie 3, McGhee 3 and Miller.

Hail Hails are open.

Thanks to ndcsc for the Plucky Relegated Hamilton picture.

Wow.

What a week. A week that has rocked the foundations of Celtic Fitba' Club. Yes, this week the Celtic PLC sunk to a new low. Aboot 30mins into the 1st half on Wednesday night the Timbotron had an advert for the Egg-Chasing in Embra this weekend. It's shameful that they think the normal 'Tic fan would be interested in Egg-Chasing* but wanting us to spend oor hard earned giros in salt and sauce land is a step too far.

What do you mean Celtic have been banning fans for taking part in a peaceful, some would say misguided, protest? Oh, disclaimer it's seems they haven't, so make up yer own mind.

Integrity and Dignity

It's all as murky as Walter Nosurname claiming that M.I.B Flagwaver Timmy Murphy has it in for The Huns. Nosurname said: "the stand-side linesman Mr Murphy... had one of those last season and gave an offside Scott McDonald goal." showing no sign of bitterness whatsoever. LoTW awaits the SFA/SPL summons, delivered by winged monkey, arriving at Ipox wie bated breath. Strange Nosurname never mentioned the offside call they got at New Douglas Park wie the same gusto.

Hunnarism Is Catching.  

After, Bernie's pitch to become the spokesman for the RST another contender put his beannie hat in the ring. The Saint Of Good Causes, Bono, was presenting an award to the man who wrote "The Frog Chorus" and "Mull Of Kintyre", which is better than the shite MTV show 24 hours a day now.

Anyway, he decided to pro-claim that Liverpool was the "capital of Eastern Ireland" and that popular beat combo "The Beatles" would have been Irish if it "wasn't for the potato famine". LoTW wonders if this is the first example of reserve famine songism?

One Man Went To Mo, Went To Mo A Sheridan.

Celtic beat, First Division Team In Waiting, The Marnocks, 3-0, a scoreline predicted by LoTW, wie goals from Cillian Sheridan, here,here and the usual goal from 'Marnockskelper Shunsuke Nakamura. WGS was impressed by a fringe player who looked like he was being packed to Sampdoria in the summer.

"I thought that was the right kind of game for him", gushed WGS, confirming what LoTW thought that Massimo Donati could only play in games so one-sided the pitch was in danger of tipping over, "...his performances in training have been absolutely fantastic": pointed oot WGS as if he needed to confirm Mo-Do's inclusion shoulnae have been a surprise.

3 points, 9 wins in a row and now 4 points clear after losing the league, according to the meeja, at the end of August. "We've won 9 SPL games in a row and in that time we have had to play Big Cup games and Diddy Cup games and have had to deal with that", smirked WGS before adding :"So the players can be pleased wie themselves".

It was a game that we were so far in front even at 1-0 it was comfortable. Future Scotland Manager, Jim Jeffries, again, proved his ineptness when playing a decent team. This lead to Celtic being slack in the final third of the field.

Cillian Sheridan continued his road to graduating wie honours from the Craig Beattie School of Strikers Bobby Lennox Castle Branch. 2 goals, taking his tally to 3 in his flirtation wie the first 11, and a performance that really did nothing to say he has what it takes.

WGS said aboot Cillian:"I couldn't have asked for anything more, it was a terrific performance. When he came here to Celtic, he was raw but there was something about him. We've realised that he is an intelligent lad that takes things in". He is still raw and one thing the masses seem to think that he does not seem to have natural fitba' intelligence. To learn this he needs games. To get games he will need to go oot on loan when Hessellinkitis clears up.

Wednesday, produced 60.3% possession stat wie 9 shots on and 6 shots off target. First Division team in waiting, The 'Marnocks, did not register a shot on goal. Celtic's last 2 goals came in the 75 and 84th mins. This means we have now score 11 goals in the final 15 minutes of games this season.

Rumour O'Fliter

Sylvinho, the 34yo ex-Arsenal and now Barca reserve, has opened his heart on a dream move, which will see him fufill a dream to play in Paisley and Inverness. He said: "It was mentioned to me in August that Celtic were interested in me, but back then I was not comtemplating leaving Barca". Sounds like he now is.

Austrian Marc Janko has been linked to take Cillian Sheridan place on the Celtic bench. The Red Bull Salzburg striker is attracting attention from big hitters such as Udinese, Sampdoria, Genoa and Espanyol. He has scored 20 goals in 16 games this season and at 6ft 5in seems he is maybe viewed as Jan Vennegor's younger fitter brother.

Dundee Hibs Polish number 1, whose parents where such massive Kate Bush fans they changed their name by deed poll in her honour, Lukasz Zaluska, will maybe sign a pre-contract in January to sit on the bench until Artur leaves.

Will It Be All Academic?

Relegated Hamilton Accies welcome Celtic to Hamilton for the first time since season 1988/89. That game ended wie The Hoops winning 8-0 and for some fun let's see how many of the 33 readers can name the goalscorers?

That version of Douglas Park is now a supermarket so New Douglas Park is where the Bhoys will try and make it 10 in a row and hopefully it won't end up cherrio to 10 in a row. It would be a major shock if Relegated Hamilton stopped their drop to the 1st division and end thier 8 game run wieoot a win by beating 9 in a row Celtic.

As before future playerism comes in the form of Judas James McCarthy who will be glad of a game that he disnny get racist abuse. He is Accies 2nd top goalscorer wie an earth shattering 2 goals. Top goalscorer is Graham wie 3.

Celtc, who welcomed back Georgios Samaras, Glenn Loovens and Shunsake Nakamura back for the game against The 'Marnocks are still short of a full deck. We are still wieoot Hesselink (Hesselinkitis), Crosas (Hammie ouch),  McGeady (Loss of form ouch), Joe Doumbe (Who ouch?), Paddy McCourt (Just unfit ouch), Chris Killen (We are havin' a laugh ouch) and Artur Boruc (Dodgy goalie knee ouch).

We should have enough to overcome Relegated Hamilton who have lost 6 goals between 15 and 25mins and 7 goals between 35 and 45mins. Celtic have scored 5 and 7 goals in those periods. Will Scotlands 2nd top goalscorer, Georgios Samaras get the chance to regain top spot in that chart by starting the game and scoring in those weak Relegated Hamilton periods? Will Scott McDonald decide that he fancies scoring this week instead of improving on his impressive 7 assists this season?

Golden notebook changes could come in the midfield also. Nakamura maybe rested, Mo-Do may make way for Hartley or Robson and could KoKo The Mizuno come into the reckoning? Score? 4-0 wie McDonald scoring 2 of them.

Finto. I'm off to laugh at the geeks who play "World Of War Craft" and in no way feel embarressed that I get excited over Celtic stats the sameway they get excited by playing in a fantasy world killing fantasy zombies. It's just as bad as Football Manager, I tell you. And being a stat geek is mair cool than being a fantasy geek. We have better clothes and taste in music.

Hail Hails are open leave a comment on this pish if you can be bothered. Celtic homepage is here, LoTW profile page is here. Oh, Darren O'Dea and Aiden McGeady. Do none of the 33 LoTWites read the blog? Heh.

Forza.

*LoTW knows that 33.3% of the 33 LoTWites like Egg-Chasing.*

Yawn. Poor 2nd half, 'The Boys Of The Old Brigade' and Celtic fans wearing poppies were the main topics of conversation in Celticcybertimdom today. So I'm glad that The Guardian decided to publish a bit of comedy gold to stop me shaking my heid at my own today.

The sub headline say's it all for me. "With the return of Bawwy(8), Rangers have midfield strength Celtic can only dream about". It goes on to cream it's pants over the return of the most overrated player since Ian Durrant, and also one that husnae got a surname, pours petrol on the myth that is Scotland's Player Of The Year, Pedro Mendes and mentions Maurice Edu a player last seen playing hide and seek in an Austrian basement wie Andreas Velicka.

I'm sure the lackie that wrote this found great solace in the performance of Barry Robson, Paul Hartley, Scott Brown and Shaun Maloney against Hearts and never noticed that we were missing Aiden McGeady, Nakamura or hamstring-ouched Marc Crosas while pondering what he wrote.

Oh The Wee Huns Are Boomsung.

Hearts current incumbent and Bond Villian lookalike, Csaba Laszlo, who is not as hateable as other incumbents they have had, said before the game that it would take Heart Of Lithuiania 10 tiltles and a Big Cup win to be able to say they could compete wie Celtic. After the game that looked as likely as him being in a job by the end of the season.

Csaba did do us a favour. After Hearts went doon to 10 men- dodgy decision, Scott McDonald was ootside the box and offside so Paul Hartley taking pity and missing the resultant pen meant justice was done then evened up when Barry Robson was brought doon for a stonewaller later on, which was not given- he decided to make subs, which bordered on the laughable. This mean't that the 2nd half was played at snail pace as Celtic had their most comfortable afternoon at the Tynecastle Apartments for years.

Celtic, won 2-0 thanks to goals by Shaun Maloney, another goal of the season contender and a Gary Caldwell goal, which looked like it contained 2 handballs and a ball being out of play. Csaba said of the winning goal: " When I saw it again, it showed a hand being used but I'm not criticising the M.I.B, it was hard for him to see" unlike the media who are lynching the M.I.B for this decision.

The manager went for power and brought in the warhorses of Barry Robson and Paul Hartley who proved once again when it becomes a battle these SPL boilersuit wearers are the ones to be wheeled oot. Upfront, Scott McDonald was paired wie Craig Beattiealike Cillian Sheridan who ran around and eh, ran around.

Still, the stats don't back up the comfortable view of this victory. Celtic had their worst shot on target total since we last dared to play in the Big Cup wie 3. We were Lee Naylor off like wie 5 shots off goal and oor possession was a low 52.3%. Suppose this backs up the FACT the game was won by 49mins when Hearts went doon to 10.

Talking point of the day? The Wee Huns banner that said "Big Jock Beasted Hoopy" and was signed "F.T.P". Bob Malcolm is in the frame for this. Also, the questionable, in some quarters, singing that followed the removal of this banner by the vocal away support. The anti-rebel and pro-rebel brigades are on the warpath again. Wonder if Celtic or the SPL will say anything regarding this incident, which will take the focus away from a disgusting banner.

I hope the day Hearts cease to be is quite soon.  

Who The Fuck Are Man Utd?

"They are the best team in the world, they are far better than Italy or France", said oor manager showing disregard  for football's rules. Also, France are quite gash at the mo. More worryingly he rejoiced when talking aboot oor visit to Trafford Ball Park: "West Brom lost 4, Hull lost 4 and West Ham should have been 7 down by half time, so we are in good company".

I would rather be in better company than those relegation haunted vessels.

As usual the mythical home record of played 18, W12, D4 and L2 gets trotted oot and commented on from such no-mark rent-a-quote-money-grabbers like Lou Macari. He says: "Just as in the case of Celtic's poor away form in Europe, their home record is there for all to see" and just proving he knows he haw aboot the Celtic support on Big Cup nights: "If Celtic are playing against a team they are expected to beat and they struggle a bit, the fans get tetchy, but against Man Utd the fans will cheer them on all night" yes, until we lose the ball or don't hump it forward every 5 seconds.

Trying to look on the positive side on things, unlike the last time when oor manager decided to run up the whiteflag before a ball was kicked, he says regarding oor 29mins on competing at the Trafford Ballpark: "Everyone in the United camp said that it wasn't easy for them, it was hard work. They couldn't find a way through and Artur didn't have a shot at him"

We need to compete. A draw is a great result and could be required if Aalborg BK decide that they fancy their chances against Villarreal. A point could be vital if the race for the UEFA Vase spot. We can't let oor heids go doon if we go a goal behind we have got to make a game of it. Barry Robson nails it when he says: "We need to make sure we do get in their faces when we come out the traps and try and use our ability to the best we can to cause an upset"

Get them doon to oor level and see if they fancy it. Robson, Hartley and Brown will get dusted doon for this and the manager maybe feeling Shaun Maloney will be better alongside him on the bench for this one. Aiden and Naka will expect to play and Scott McDonald is a shoo in for a 1 up front role.

Nae respect, nae pack drill.

Oor task is huge. We don't create chances in the Big Cup. We are the only team not to score in this seasons competition, a stat that is Hun like, and Famagusta, Roma, Aalborg BK, Kiev and Bate, have equal or less than oor 8 shots on goal stat. Man Utd have yet to concede a goal in the Big Cup this season.

Set plays again anyone? We have scored from corners in oor last 3 outings. Stats show we willnae get many chances we require Naka to be on form and whip in dangerous set plays. Oor record at El Paradiso against English teams is decent. W4, D2 and L1 wie the loss coming to Notts Forest. Team USA United have only been beaten once on Scottish soil.

It's the hope that kills you but I fancy we will compete and sneak a 1-1 draw. Barry Robson will get on the end of a set play as he seems to score in big games.

Rumour O'Filter

The SSM, Peter Lawell came oot and said "We are in the business of winning championships, not cashing in on players. That means Nakamura is staying with us". He mumbled something aboot buying in January as well.

Gordon Strachan was heard to laugh at the thought of us signing a left-back, when 34yo Sylvinho was mentioned to him. Get a grip was his reaction.

Big week. I canny handle anymair south of the border gloating or the London Mancs being smug gits on Wednesday night. Let's get stuck in. Leave a Hail Hail (c'mon I know you want to), if you want to leave me a message my profile page is here and the Celtic hame page is here.

Forza

Midweek Diddy Cup ties are usually as welcome as a ansaphone message from Russell Brand and Jonathon Woss. Ok, note all 27,000 that complained aboot this. GET A LIFE and goin' amuse yerself's watching Songs Of Praise and eating an apple tart.

Still, as Celtic safely passed by The 'Marnocks, we really did pass them to death, oor Big Cup foes, Villarreal, were getting papped 5-0 by Poli Ejido, which sounds like a sair STD, passed on by Russell Brand, who reside the Spanish 2nd Division B in Copa Del Reya.

After losing 3 goals against Aalborg BK, 4 goals against Athletico Madrid and now 5 against Poli Ejido, 3 teams that are gash, the Yellow Submarine don't look such a daunting prospect. In fact I will predict we might get a shot on goal and a few corners when we meet at El Paradiso in December.

3 And Easy For The Yellow Celts.

Celtic, in the most ghastly yellow kit seen since Hibs on Saturday, dispatched 3rd place The 'Marnocks wie embarressing ease last night. While it's always delightful to beat the future Scotland manager, Jim Jeffries, wie ease it also highlighted the problems we have on the bigger stage. See: Trafford Ballpark last week. 

A reader of this blog said on hearing the team line up that it was dodgy, lacked presense and that he liked a 'bigman' up front. While, revealing too much aboot readers of this blog sexual preferances, he was correct as we looked poor wieoot the ball but good wie it. A John Barnes 4-2-2-2 formation seemed to be the formation wie Aiden McGeady and Nakamura being given floating roles and the fullbacks being told to overlap and give us width.

It worked. Goals from Scott McDonald, a trademark freekick from Nakamura and a goal of the season contender from Aiden McGeady made sure we get The Huns in the semi-final and a chance to lay the ghost of Bert Konterman to rest.

Still, The 'Marnocks did their best to try and kick us off the park. After 25mins, future Scotland manager, Jim Jeffries, made a change and brought on Gavin Skelton. His remit? Boot Nakamura. He did 4 or 5 times in the space of 7 or 8 mins. Nakamura was promptly booked by Craig Thomson who was last nights M.I.B for pointing this oot to him.

Oor manager, not in jest, said: "It was crazy he was the one that got booked" and Celtic Captain and MOTM, Gary Caldwell, also waded in wie: "He was dominating the game by getting on the ball"- that is open to question, I thought McGeady was the main thorn-"They tried to stop him by kicking him and it's up to the referee to sort that out but he didn't"

Getting kicked and being physical is part of the game. But being OTT about it is not. The fact is after his treatment in the first period Nakamura did not return for the 2nd and is now doubtful for Sunday's game wie knee-ouch.

Still the manager was happy. "I am happy that we got through and also happy about the performance against the team who are 3rd in the league and were desperate to beat us. We handled everything tonight"

The performances of Scott Brown, Aiden McGeady and Scott McDonald, whom unlike some can score against top 6 clubs in the SPL made us happy Hoops going into Sunday's game against Hearts of Lithuania.

Celtic Scout Belts Chico

It has come to light that some of the most useless faces in the Scottish public domain had a game of fitba' against each other last Sunday. The game against so-called Politicians and so-called Sports writers ended when lifelong Hun St.Mirren fan, Chic Young was, what as known in the game as being 'Sounessed' by the MSP for Scotland and mid Fife, John Park. This lead to handbags at 10 paces and the game being abandoned.

I think, I speak for EVERY Celtic fan here when I say well done Mr Park but.....shouldnae you be looking for a left back?

The Streets Of Philadelphia.

This story came to LoTW when he was flicking through The Wall Street Journal checking on his stocks and shares. The Philadelphia Eagles, The Huns of the NFL or could that Buffalo Billys?, have decided to keep their notorious patrons, see the patrons of Philly celebrations when they won the recent rounders American Championship- World Series ma arse- under a watchful eye by coming up wie a system that allows you to shop a rowdy fan by TEXT MESSAGE.

You simply text yer section, seat number and security will arrive and eject the arsehole. Leonard Bonacci director of events at The Eagles said: "I have 3000 people on my staff but with texting I have 70,000 eyes".

We hear that The Huns are going to bring this system in regarding the singing of The Famine Song. You, Simply The Best, text yer seat number, section and the word FAMINE to "Rangers1690" and some polis will comedoon and lift you.

LoTW thinks it will be a great sucess.

A Trip To The Tynecastle Flats.

Sunday sees us going to the city that read this blog the most outside London. They never comment right enough. Anyway the soon to be demolished Tynecastle sees Celtic take the best away record in Scotland this season to take on another one of Romanov's puppets, this time in the shape of Csaba Laszlo.

He seems to have Hearts going ok. There record of W4 D2 L4 is an improvement on last season and they have only dropped 4 points at home all season. But.....wie no wins in 4 games, D2 and L2 means that we should be going into this as favourites.

Oor managers record at the Tynecastle Flats is so, so. W2 D1 L2 wie oor last visit being one of the worst games of last season and a 1-1 draw after Celtic Captain, Gary Caldwell, gave away a soft penalty. Mick McManus and the injured Jan Vennegoor of Hesslelink are the main Littlehunskelpers wie 3 goals each but the improving Scott McDonald scored on his last visit.

Wie injuries ruling oot Hesslelink (Hesslelinkitis), Samaras (Knee-Ouch), Crosas (Hammie-Ouch) and maybe Nakamura (Killie-Ouch), Robson and Hartley could be getting penciled in to the A4 Notebook for starting berth against what will be a robust test. Could the manager be tempted again to pitch in Craig Beattiealike Cillian Sheridan after Shaun Maloneys poor performance against The 'Marnocks?

Ex-Playerism, comes in the form of Paul Hartley. Since Hartley now gets a nosebleed when he goes over the halfway line and wie him only having 2 Celtic goals to his name then you will get a decent price for him scoring at anytime.

Still, as predicted on this very blog, we scored from a corner against The 'Marnocks- c'mon even though it wisnny a CB that scored I did say we are now dangerous from them and I did predict a 3-1 scoreline- and I can see this happening again. But.....Gary Caldwell will score from this. I fancy Skippy will score as well and we will win 3-1. Once again we wont keep a clean sheet.

That's it. It's over. The Hail Hails are open for comments. Thanks to Number 7 on KDS for the picture.

Forza