I Thought Dark Lords Didnae Have Reflections?

It's Hogmanay. The time of year that the vast majority of Scotsmen and Wimin get leathered on cheap beer, wine and spirits, fall oot wie each other, their families and nee'bors, probably get lifted and wish each other a Happy New Year wie fists and kicks.

Just like any other Saturday, then.

Celtic's training this week would have been as frosty as a brass monkey in a freezer. The return of Aiden McGeady from suspension would have made interesting viewing. What we can gather is that he is back in the squad for the game against Dundee Hibs, has been rather sheepish in training, may or may not have apologised and has made it clear he wants to stay.

Whether he stays is doon to oor manager. The managers actions over the next few weeks will gie us an idea if he wants Aiden to stay or not. The players, well, Gary Caldwell, spoke regarding the situation..

"He is the manager and we are the players. We have to do our job on the park. His decision is final, you do what he tells you" he said, like a player who owes his career and £16,000 a week to the man wie the clipboard. 

"I think that is how it works in any walk of life, it is certainly how we work as players." he furthered, showing that he is still doon wie the man on the street, whose gaffer is also a bawbag.

We lacked creativity against The Huns. Ok, a midfield of Barry Robson, Scott Brown and Paul Hartley is fine at Ipox but at home to Dundee Hibs it's a tactic that will ensure a plodding 90mins. Shunsuke Nakamura may recover from 'The Virus' and Koki Mizuno will hopefully return from his self imposed brooding that caused him to say:

"I do put pressure on myself and I forced myself into a corner. I believe if I don't play well in the next Old Firm game I might not have a future here." he cried forgetting that better players than him have got lost at Ipox. See: Nakamura, Shunsuke.

A return for Aiden McGeady might be the best bet in the interest for the team. Is it in the best interest for the manager though?

Anyway, that's the blogmanay (cheers Arseblog for that term) over, awe the best to youse all for 2009. I know my 2009 will be like no other year I have EVER been through.

Forza.

A Little Time 

**Thanks to Antifa fae DeadRaiBead for the pic.**

Seems LoTW is read by a 'Cock Rock', white jeans, white trainer, long haired mulleted rock god. David Coverdale has pointed out, in the last Hail Hails, that Def Leppard was the Star Trek loving, speccy geek, band of choice in the mid 80's.

If that's the case then "Pour Some Sugar On Me".

Tims In Shorts

When Georgios Samaras was rolled in front of the Tv camaras, after oor embarrassing exit from Eurpoa Competition, I fully expected some tough talking from the interviewer and an explaination from Samaras aboot the terrible decisions he made during the game against UEFA Vase bound, Aalborg BK.

Instead he said: "I think everybody is disappointed that we are out of Europe. We were a bit unlucky but that's football. We didn't create a lot of chances, we didn't have the final ball but in the end it was two unlucky situations and we were back home."

While agreeing wie what he is saying, except the we were unlucky bit, the biggest crime is that he didnae explain his decision to wear a scarf against Aalborg BK. A scarf last seen causing much merriment roond Francesco Totti's neck and one that, along wie his gloves, made me look at him and think "he disnny fancy this."

A player wearing a scarf and gloves must be a great sight to a short sleeved centre back. You can almost hear a centre half lick his lips wie glee at the thought of Nancy boy blood when faced wie a charlatan in that get up. 

It was only minus 6 in Denmark. Not cauld enough for Scott Brown to put a vest on. Sammy should be chased from oor door if he is seen in that get up again. In fact, GS should introduce the auld skins v bibs 5 a sides on a Friday afternoon.

That would sort them.

I couldnae see Gary Calderbuer wearing a vest or a simmit nevermind a bloody scarf. Since that defeat, Gary Calderbuer, has being doing a great impression of a Celtic club captain, while the Celtic club captain has been doing a great impression of Lord Lucan or has been reading the William Gallas manual on "How To Captain A Big Club".

'Heid' Calderbuer said aboot the Big Cup and how we progress: "We know this competition is amazing and it has been good to us for the last two years. We have to be in there again next year. So we have to pick ourselves up and win the league.

"We have to make sure we make it four in a row in the SPL and then come back stronger. But it's difficult. The Champions League is a hard competition.We can't just expect to walk in every year and be in the last 16. We have to earn that right. This year we haven't done enough to earn that right. But to not even be in the UEFA Cup is a huge blow."

Wie players like Wilson and Hinkel saying defeat to Aalbog BK was the "worst of their careers", I bet both of them had vests on, we need to pick oorselves up. The question is who will pick the team up?

Here Come The Highlanders.

The longboats, that huvnae been burned, the haggis that huvnae been ate and the Virgins that huvnae been, whose blood husnae been drunk, will taking the trip doon the M9, shouting "arrrrgggggghhhhh" and scaring Service Station staff wie their axes and uglyness. The Ross Tokelyites will fancy their chances of getting something from this trip, for the first time since 2000, as oor club is lying as low as Anne Frank hiding fae the Nazis.

Their recent record is poor. W2 D1 L5 in their last 8. They have won their last 2 away games right enough against Celtic's Feeder Club and The 'Marnocks. At CP they are on a 7 game losing streak. They have lost 9 goals in the last 30mins of games but they seem to lose goals at any point during games, no obvious weak spots.

Celtic, it is ironic that after getting beat of The 'Senkie of Denmark we have a chance to get beat from The 'Senkie of Ecosse so soon after,are 11 games unbeaten in the league but that counts for nothing due to the falloot fae midweek. Though, the management, feel that there was not much wrong wie the performance, I would be expecting changes in the starting 11.

Loovens, Wilson and Robson could be getting left oot wie Hartley, Naylor and Maloney coming in. There doesn't seem to be any sign of Hessellinkitis clearing up, maybe McGeady could make the bench, so we also maybe will see Cillian Sheridan getting a start to confirm him as the winner of the Craig Beattie 1st touch award 2008/09.

Heh, outwith Jan Vennegoor The 'Senkieskelper, wie 6 goals, only Craig Beattie has scored more than 1 against The 'Senkie in oor managers time here. Another ironic twist that.

Ex-playerism comes in the form of Barry Robson. Probably not worth a punt as I think he might be rested. But a 2-1 victory wie a centre back scoring from a set play.

That's it for another week. Hail Hails are open for more confessions from MOR Rock Gods or just sad people who have nothing better to do than talk aboot Celtic....

Forza.

Oh, Bonner, McGrain, Whyte, McGuigan, Aitken, Burns, McStay, McLeod, Archdeacon, Judas and McClair. 

Remember, remember 08/02/2000....what Celtic players scored that night?

Yawn. Poor 2nd half, 'The Boys Of The Old Brigade' and Celtic fans wearing poppies were the main topics of conversation in Celticcybertimdom today. So I'm glad that The Guardian decided to publish a bit of comedy gold to stop me shaking my heid at my own today.

The sub headline say's it all for me. "With the return of Bawwy(8), Rangers have midfield strength Celtic can only dream about". It goes on to cream it's pants over the return of the most overrated player since Ian Durrant, and also one that husnae got a surname, pours petrol on the myth that is Scotland's Player Of The Year, Pedro Mendes and mentions Maurice Edu a player last seen playing hide and seek in an Austrian basement wie Andreas Velicka.

I'm sure the lackie that wrote this found great solace in the performance of Barry Robson, Paul Hartley, Scott Brown and Shaun Maloney against Hearts and never noticed that we were missing Aiden McGeady, Nakamura or hamstring-ouched Marc Crosas while pondering what he wrote.

Oh The Wee Huns Are Boomsung.

Hearts current incumbent and Bond Villian lookalike, Csaba Laszlo, who is not as hateable as other incumbents they have had, said before the game that it would take Heart Of Lithuiania 10 tiltles and a Big Cup win to be able to say they could compete wie Celtic. After the game that looked as likely as him being in a job by the end of the season.

Csaba did do us a favour. After Hearts went doon to 10 men- dodgy decision, Scott McDonald was ootside the box and offside so Paul Hartley taking pity and missing the resultant pen meant justice was done then evened up when Barry Robson was brought doon for a stonewaller later on, which was not given- he decided to make subs, which bordered on the laughable. This mean't that the 2nd half was played at snail pace as Celtic had their most comfortable afternoon at the Tynecastle Apartments for years.

Celtic, won 2-0 thanks to goals by Shaun Maloney, another goal of the season contender and a Gary Caldwell goal, which looked like it contained 2 handballs and a ball being out of play. Csaba said of the winning goal: " When I saw it again, it showed a hand being used but I'm not criticising the M.I.B, it was hard for him to see" unlike the media who are lynching the M.I.B for this decision.

The manager went for power and brought in the warhorses of Barry Robson and Paul Hartley who proved once again when it becomes a battle these SPL boilersuit wearers are the ones to be wheeled oot. Upfront, Scott McDonald was paired wie Craig Beattiealike Cillian Sheridan who ran around and eh, ran around.

Still, the stats don't back up the comfortable view of this victory. Celtic had their worst shot on target total since we last dared to play in the Big Cup wie 3. We were Lee Naylor off like wie 5 shots off goal and oor possession was a low 52.3%. Suppose this backs up the FACT the game was won by 49mins when Hearts went doon to 10.

Talking point of the day? The Wee Huns banner that said "Big Jock Beasted Hoopy" and was signed "F.T.P". Bob Malcolm is in the frame for this. Also, the questionable, in some quarters, singing that followed the removal of this banner by the vocal away support. The anti-rebel and pro-rebel brigades are on the warpath again. Wonder if Celtic or the SPL will say anything regarding this incident, which will take the focus away from a disgusting banner.

I hope the day Hearts cease to be is quite soon.  

Who The Fuck Are Man Utd?

"They are the best team in the world, they are far better than Italy or France", said oor manager showing disregard  for football's rules. Also, France are quite gash at the mo. More worryingly he rejoiced when talking aboot oor visit to Trafford Ball Park: "West Brom lost 4, Hull lost 4 and West Ham should have been 7 down by half time, so we are in good company".

I would rather be in better company than those relegation haunted vessels.

As usual the mythical home record of played 18, W12, D4 and L2 gets trotted oot and commented on from such no-mark rent-a-quote-money-grabbers like Lou Macari. He says: "Just as in the case of Celtic's poor away form in Europe, their home record is there for all to see" and just proving he knows he haw aboot the Celtic support on Big Cup nights: "If Celtic are playing against a team they are expected to beat and they struggle a bit, the fans get tetchy, but against Man Utd the fans will cheer them on all night" yes, until we lose the ball or don't hump it forward every 5 seconds.

Trying to look on the positive side on things, unlike the last time when oor manager decided to run up the whiteflag before a ball was kicked, he says regarding oor 29mins on competing at the Trafford Ballpark: "Everyone in the United camp said that it wasn't easy for them, it was hard work. They couldn't find a way through and Artur didn't have a shot at him"

We need to compete. A draw is a great result and could be required if Aalborg BK decide that they fancy their chances against Villarreal. A point could be vital if the race for the UEFA Vase spot. We can't let oor heids go doon if we go a goal behind we have got to make a game of it. Barry Robson nails it when he says: "We need to make sure we do get in their faces when we come out the traps and try and use our ability to the best we can to cause an upset"

Get them doon to oor level and see if they fancy it. Robson, Hartley and Brown will get dusted doon for this and the manager maybe feeling Shaun Maloney will be better alongside him on the bench for this one. Aiden and Naka will expect to play and Scott McDonald is a shoo in for a 1 up front role.

Nae respect, nae pack drill.

Oor task is huge. We don't create chances in the Big Cup. We are the only team not to score in this seasons competition, a stat that is Hun like, and Famagusta, Roma, Aalborg BK, Kiev and Bate, have equal or less than oor 8 shots on goal stat. Man Utd have yet to concede a goal in the Big Cup this season.

Set plays again anyone? We have scored from corners in oor last 3 outings. Stats show we willnae get many chances we require Naka to be on form and whip in dangerous set plays. Oor record at El Paradiso against English teams is decent. W4, D2 and L1 wie the loss coming to Notts Forest. Team USA United have only been beaten once on Scottish soil.

It's the hope that kills you but I fancy we will compete and sneak a 1-1 draw. Barry Robson will get on the end of a set play as he seems to score in big games.

Rumour O'Filter

The SSM, Peter Lawell came oot and said "We are in the business of winning championships, not cashing in on players. That means Nakamura is staying with us". He mumbled something aboot buying in January as well.

Gordon Strachan was heard to laugh at the thought of us signing a left-back, when 34yo Sylvinho was mentioned to him. Get a grip was his reaction.

Big week. I canny handle anymair south of the border gloating or the London Mancs being smug gits on Wednesday night. Let's get stuck in. Leave a Hail Hail (c'mon I know you want to), if you want to leave me a message my profile page is here and the Celtic hame page is here.

Forza

Midweek Diddy Cup ties are usually as welcome as a ansaphone message from Russell Brand and Jonathon Woss. Ok, note all 27,000 that complained aboot this. GET A LIFE and goin' amuse yerself's watching Songs Of Praise and eating an apple tart.

Still, as Celtic safely passed by The 'Marnocks, we really did pass them to death, oor Big Cup foes, Villarreal, were getting papped 5-0 by Poli Ejido, which sounds like a sair STD, passed on by Russell Brand, who reside the Spanish 2nd Division B in Copa Del Reya.

After losing 3 goals against Aalborg BK, 4 goals against Athletico Madrid and now 5 against Poli Ejido, 3 teams that are gash, the Yellow Submarine don't look such a daunting prospect. In fact I will predict we might get a shot on goal and a few corners when we meet at El Paradiso in December.

3 And Easy For The Yellow Celts.

Celtic, in the most ghastly yellow kit seen since Hibs on Saturday, dispatched 3rd place The 'Marnocks wie embarressing ease last night. While it's always delightful to beat the future Scotland manager, Jim Jeffries, wie ease it also highlighted the problems we have on the bigger stage. See: Trafford Ballpark last week. 

A reader of this blog said on hearing the team line up that it was dodgy, lacked presense and that he liked a 'bigman' up front. While, revealing too much aboot readers of this blog sexual preferances, he was correct as we looked poor wieoot the ball but good wie it. A John Barnes 4-2-2-2 formation seemed to be the formation wie Aiden McGeady and Nakamura being given floating roles and the fullbacks being told to overlap and give us width.

It worked. Goals from Scott McDonald, a trademark freekick from Nakamura and a goal of the season contender from Aiden McGeady made sure we get The Huns in the semi-final and a chance to lay the ghost of Bert Konterman to rest.

Still, The 'Marnocks did their best to try and kick us off the park. After 25mins, future Scotland manager, Jim Jeffries, made a change and brought on Gavin Skelton. His remit? Boot Nakamura. He did 4 or 5 times in the space of 7 or 8 mins. Nakamura was promptly booked by Craig Thomson who was last nights M.I.B for pointing this oot to him.

Oor manager, not in jest, said: "It was crazy he was the one that got booked" and Celtic Captain and MOTM, Gary Caldwell, also waded in wie: "He was dominating the game by getting on the ball"- that is open to question, I thought McGeady was the main thorn-"They tried to stop him by kicking him and it's up to the referee to sort that out but he didn't"

Getting kicked and being physical is part of the game. But being OTT about it is not. The fact is after his treatment in the first period Nakamura did not return for the 2nd and is now doubtful for Sunday's game wie knee-ouch.

Still the manager was happy. "I am happy that we got through and also happy about the performance against the team who are 3rd in the league and were desperate to beat us. We handled everything tonight"

The performances of Scott Brown, Aiden McGeady and Scott McDonald, whom unlike some can score against top 6 clubs in the SPL made us happy Hoops going into Sunday's game against Hearts of Lithuania.

Celtic Scout Belts Chico

It has come to light that some of the most useless faces in the Scottish public domain had a game of fitba' against each other last Sunday. The game against so-called Politicians and so-called Sports writers ended when lifelong Hun St.Mirren fan, Chic Young was, what as known in the game as being 'Sounessed' by the MSP for Scotland and mid Fife, John Park. This lead to handbags at 10 paces and the game being abandoned.

I think, I speak for EVERY Celtic fan here when I say well done Mr Park but.....shouldnae you be looking for a left back?

The Streets Of Philadelphia.

This story came to LoTW when he was flicking through The Wall Street Journal checking on his stocks and shares. The Philadelphia Eagles, The Huns of the NFL or could that Buffalo Billys?, have decided to keep their notorious patrons, see the patrons of Philly celebrations when they won the recent rounders American Championship- World Series ma arse- under a watchful eye by coming up wie a system that allows you to shop a rowdy fan by TEXT MESSAGE.

You simply text yer section, seat number and security will arrive and eject the arsehole. Leonard Bonacci director of events at The Eagles said: "I have 3000 people on my staff but with texting I have 70,000 eyes".

We hear that The Huns are going to bring this system in regarding the singing of The Famine Song. You, Simply The Best, text yer seat number, section and the word FAMINE to "Rangers1690" and some polis will comedoon and lift you.

LoTW thinks it will be a great sucess.

A Trip To The Tynecastle Flats.

Sunday sees us going to the city that read this blog the most outside London. They never comment right enough. Anyway the soon to be demolished Tynecastle sees Celtic take the best away record in Scotland this season to take on another one of Romanov's puppets, this time in the shape of Csaba Laszlo.

He seems to have Hearts going ok. There record of W4 D2 L4 is an improvement on last season and they have only dropped 4 points at home all season. But.....wie no wins in 4 games, D2 and L2 means that we should be going into this as favourites.

Oor managers record at the Tynecastle Flats is so, so. W2 D1 L2 wie oor last visit being one of the worst games of last season and a 1-1 draw after Celtic Captain, Gary Caldwell, gave away a soft penalty. Mick McManus and the injured Jan Vennegoor of Hesslelink are the main Littlehunskelpers wie 3 goals each but the improving Scott McDonald scored on his last visit.

Wie injuries ruling oot Hesslelink (Hesslelinkitis), Samaras (Knee-Ouch), Crosas (Hammie-Ouch) and maybe Nakamura (Killie-Ouch), Robson and Hartley could be getting penciled in to the A4 Notebook for starting berth against what will be a robust test. Could the manager be tempted again to pitch in Craig Beattiealike Cillian Sheridan after Shaun Maloneys poor performance against The 'Marnocks?

Ex-Playerism, comes in the form of Paul Hartley. Since Hartley now gets a nosebleed when he goes over the halfway line and wie him only having 2 Celtic goals to his name then you will get a decent price for him scoring at anytime.

Still, as predicted on this very blog, we scored from a corner against The 'Marnocks- c'mon even though it wisnny a CB that scored I did say we are now dangerous from them and I did predict a 3-1 scoreline- and I can see this happening again. But.....Gary Caldwell will score from this. I fancy Skippy will score as well and we will win 3-1. Once again we wont keep a clean sheet.

That's it. It's over. The Hail Hails are open for comments. Thanks to Number 7 on KDS for the picture.

Forza

I don't know what was worse. Watching oor meek, painful defeat to Team USA United or the news from El Madrigal that oor fellow UEFA Vase contenders, Aalborg BK, were beating Villarreal 2-1. How could a team that is worse than us go to Villarreal and frighten the yellow shit oot of them?

The stats show that Aalborg BK scored wie 3 of their 4 shots on goal while Villarreal scored 6 of their 14 attempts on targets. Lesson? Take yer chances.

Tuesday night's Big Cup games saw a record equaling 36 goals scored. The result's this week have proved that the Big 8, or the top 4, well the 4 that can win the Big Cup- Inter Milan, Chelsea, Man Utd and Real Madrid- are stretching away from the middle order of European chaff. While the middle order can each beat other on any given day they, disnny matter if yer Dutch, Scottish, Portugese, Romanian or Greek, canny compete against the best.

Celtic need to aim to be the best of that middle order. How do we do that? By winning away from against these teams, starting wie Aalborg BK who today sacked their manager. Their director of fitba', Lynge Jabokson said: " Qualification for the Champions League was a success, but we have to say that our results in SAS Ligaen have not been satisfactory and only finishing above Celtic is not acceptable,".

Howelse do we get to the top of the middle order? Replace Stan Petrov wie the new Stan Petrov and not Paul Hartley. And don't knockback the chance to sign Romainian internationlists due to money issues.

Man Against Bhoys.

I'm fed up of the modern day Big Cup. Hearing the Mancs take the pish, then having to put up wie days of meeja based drivel that is condesending at it's best. Problem is, that I could not have asked anymair of any of the 14 players that took the field and that is the soul destroying thing.

Yes, maybe some players could have played better but getting slapped in the face wie the wet kipper that said relegation threatened Fulham level makes you think we are as deluded as an average Newcastle fan.

Still we competed for 20 odd minutes. That gives us hope. It all went pear-shaped when Sulky Offside Berbatov scored, then the Sulky Offside Berbatov scored again and then the in-form Wayne Rooney compounded oor night wie the third.

The stats say it all. 59% possession for Man Utd. 6 shots on and 8 shots off target. Not quite Villarreal standard but Aalborg BK are worse than us. We had 2 shots on, Aiden McGeady and Gary Caldwell, and 2 shots off target. We never threatened in the 2nd period and we wanted the whistle to blow after 51mins.

Pass marks to Mick McManus, Gary Caldwell and Scott Brown, who resembled an SPL Paul Scholes and is surely now winning over the doubters.

Oor manager, who looked as fed up as LoTW, said: "That's the best side we have played", does he not remember Clyde?, "We kept taking punches and 2 or 3 of or players must have been pleased, but there were 2 or 3 who wouldn't have been. It's a wake up call for all of our players: if you want to play at a top level then that's what you are aiming for"

Was that a dig at a certain player who is courting midtable Aston Villa.?

The player who is courting midtable Aston Villa said of the return leg: "..we always play differently at home than away so we will more of a chance of beating them". Only if we ensure that we present Berbatov's heid on a stick, Ronaldo's left leg in a meat pie and Wayne Rooney's torso in the North Stand after 5 mins.

Gary Caldwell's New Contract.

Ok, the bar-room rumourmonger who told me Gary Caldwell didnae expect a new contract was talking oot his erchie. All I will say it's a sad state of affairs when yer snout gives you false information given the nature of him and the players relationship.

The future Celtic captain said aboot Man Utd: " We can't hideaway and crumble. We've got to be men and comeback from this".

Whether he won't hide and crumble in the midfield role vacated by Paul Hartley remains to be seen. But we have activated the year option and a higher wage bracket will soon be in Caldwell's wage packet. Is it a sign of the times that I'm quite pleased aboot this?

The Bhoy Named Deek.

Returns this Saturday. Ex-Playerism is alive and well this week. Seems, for me, that the chance that he will score is as odds on as Alex Rae winning an ugly competition. Deek, some say he never got the chance wie us others say he never took the chance.

I reckon he never had the ability to make it at a big club and big fish at a small time club is his thing. He will score in the SPL, when that is his one and only remit but ask him to improve his all round game and he becomes the lesser-spotted Riordan last seen in the nightclubs of Leith.

Hibs, have taken 7 points from 12 on the road this season. Their last outing saw them draw wie bankruptcy threatened Hearts and playing a 4-3-3 formation. Whether they will stick wie this formation for the trip to an inform Celtic who are unbeaten, domestically, in 5 is another question.

Celtic, last week continued their run of winning games when they have scored the opening goal but the performance left a lot to be desired. Up front we are still struggling and after Scott McDonalds performances in the last 7 days a decent shout for Cillian Sheridan to start could be met wie a decent show of hands if oor manager asked the masses.

Rotation will play it's part. Wie Marc Crosas oot for a month wie hamstring knack, Paul Hartley and Massimo Donati will be looking to be included in the golden notebook of tactics. A Saturday off for the tired Nakamura to start his January packing may also be in order.

A dodgy 2-0 victory wie McManus scoring seems a decent bet. Hibs, in their last 6 visits have managed 2 draws. Not a bad record and one that should ensure we don't take this game lightly.

Freestyle Football.

Ok, you remember the wee show-off that used to do keepie uppies doon the park on a Sunday morning? You know the one, he never played for anyone because in Scotland getting mair than 2 touches of the ba' before an 18 stone hungover fullback gave you 12 stud marks on your lower torso is the normal proceedure.

Well, OleOle have their own page called Freestyle Football. Some great video's on there and I can safely say that LoTW is not showing off his vast football skill in any of them. I'm still trying to pick out Puma Match studs from my thigh.

Hail Hails are open. Leave a comment. It's free and you don't have to be logged in.

Forza

It's going to be one of those "I remember where I was moments". It will be up a Lisbon moment for my generation. So, I hope I don't die before I get auld as when the 'moment' happens I will be prone to weeing maself and forgetting ma name.

Celtic, as predicted, continued their speedy exit from the Big Cup wie a 1-0 defeat against Villarreal in the fortress that is the lego inspired El Madrigal. The highlights are here (thanks to 101 Great Goals) and you will see that we had 3 decent chances, wie Georgios Samaras missing the best one just before HT and in the 2nd period we were under the cosh, saved by Artur Boruc, as Villarreal upped the tempo and destroyed us down the right flank.

Marcos Senna scored the winner from softly awarded free kick. The Villarreal player went down very easily, as they did all night, remember they spoke up how phsyical we would be?, but the truth of the matter is, no matter how much space Artur Boruc gave Senna to aim at, just the same as he gave Celtic, Dundee Utd and Wolves reject Charlie Mulgrew to aim at on Saturday, Villarreal would have scored in that period of domination.

In the second period we just could not handle Senna and Santi Cazorla, no matter how often Scott Brown clattered and closed them doon. We struggled and now that away win seems so far off that we should ask Gordon Brown to bail out this auld failing institution. 1 point out of 48 in CL away games. 1 draw in 18 games. 37 goals lost in those games. We have not scored away from home in a CL group game since Copenhagan. Under oor current incumbent Villarreal can be added to Bratislava, Manchester, Lisbon (twice), Milan (twice), Cophenhagan, Barca, Moscow and Donestk as places we have failed to win.

Not that oor manager didn't try. The first impression that he was commiting the biggest career suicide since Oasis released 'Be Here Now' wie a 4-2-3-1 formation, which included Aiden McGeady, Shaun Maloney and Nakamura. It was an attacking formation one that as was less anti-fitba' and more Kamakazi fitba'. 

The fact that it worked for 55mins against a quality team is as bemusing as Radiohead releasing that album of Thom Yorke farting for 55mins and getting praised for it. Still, no matter how well we played that stats will still show a defeat and that Villarreal had 27 shots at goal and 63% possession.

But...oor manager has taken positives oot of it. And so he should. Anyone today that gie's the manager a shread of abuse has took their Anti-Strachanism to new heights or a new low. The manager said... "I asked the lads for a performance - forget about the results - and the performance for the first 55 minutes said, 'Yes, you belong at this level'."....now all Timdom hope that we can get it nearer 90mins and that he takes this 4-2-3-1 formation into domestic games.

Over on the chip on the shoulder camp, Gary Caldwell moans about the cheating barstewards and the soft freekick award. He also makes the point, that was made in the Hail Hail's last night, when he says....“They are very clever, they go down very easily at times and it’s something that we have to learn. “We have to do it in their half, to get those free-kicks to give us breathing space.”....yes, we should becoming cheating barstewards and play them at their own game. I also want us to highlight the diving before games just like Villarreal did by saying we were going to be physical.

Also, word has reached LoTW, via a person close to him, via a man at the end of a bar, via a chance bumping into the said man in the bookies, that Gary Caldwell does not expect to be a Celtic next season. No further details but the story is he does not expect a new contract to be forthcoming.

Lots to talk aboot. We are in the UEFA Vase place in the group. A double heider wie Man Utd coming up and the likely outcome that we will need to go to Denmark and win to ensure European Fitba' after the bloke in the big red suit has been.

So, leave a Hail Hail, even ones about pishing in fish tanks are allowed and you don't need to be logged in to do it.

Forza

 "Hun Baiting, you say...."

So, LoTW went to "The Best League In The World" and the only difference was you could get a pint in the ground (which was nice), spotty baseball capped Herberts trying to attack the away support (you never see that in Scotland now) and Fernando Torres. Apart from that, I could have been watching an SPL game.

But the "Torres Bounce" from the scousers was worth trip alone and Robbie Keane is no better than Chris Killen. We saved ourselves a few bob there, LoTW mused as 'Keano' laboured round the park.

I'll start with Glenn Loovens and his quote about joining Celtic. He said while flicking the"V" to all at Ibrox...

I had the choice of Rangers and Celtic and it was a hard decision to make,But the chance to play in the Champions League is what swung it for me. It's a stage every player wants to grace.

....yes, the European carrot is a factor but, again, like so many times in the last few seasons when Celtic and The Huns go head to head for a player and Celtic really want that player, Celtic get that player. This is another sign of Espanyolfication and being ManCiteefied.

The manager was at his jesting best when he mused this on Friday....

"If I wanted somebody far better than Mac [McManus] and Gary [Caldwell], I'd have to pay £15 to £20 million. That's not going to happen.

....nor is someone paying £15m for Mick and Caldwell. Caldwell has been our best defender for the last couple of months, he probably has shown more captain-ness than Mick, but Mick is the club captain and thus undroppable a rod GS has made for his own back.

We have paid big money for Loovens and that usually means that player pays judging by the managers past record. For me Mick would be the one to drop out as last week him and Naylor were very weak on the left handside of the back 4.

The usual pairing will be together at Tannadice this afternoon. With Naylor and Hinkel their other partners in crimes against defending we could be in for a tough afternoon against a Dundee Utd side who will be looking for a boost after being defeated by table toppers and relegation favourites Hamilton Accies.

Last week on the "This Week In Football" podcast ( I am on around 24mins in ) I predicted both Dundee Utd and Motherwell to have great seasons. Like all LoTW predictions this has went pear shape with Motherwell losing their first 2 games and hopefully Dundee Utd losing their first 2 games also.

Added to what the stats says, Celtic unbeaten in 8 and Dundee Utd not won in 4, then the hands of the ghods point to a Celtic victory. But, we were terrible last week and we have dropped points in an early away game in all of GS seasons in charge. And this could quite easily be this seasons.

But...for the Bonkers Bet, a bet 'youwidbestupidtofollow', I have looked in the crystal ball, a murky bit of tat that is kept in the cupboard under the stairs, and decided that since Jan Venegoor has scored on his last 2 visits to Dundee, both from corner kicks from the right hand side, that today he will score with a 30 yard rocket. 

So 1-0 Celtic with Hesslelink scoring the only goal.

Anyway, enough of this. Let's talk about the important news that sport of 'Hun Baiting' is now banned in Scotland and you get a kickin' when your out with your mates if you decided to do it. Unless your mate is top 'Hun Skelper' Darren O'Dea who will bash a few attackers and Scott Brown will take the blows meant for you.

Some lesser Celtic sites say the infamous "Battle Of Bamboo", which occured last Sunday night was caused by Aiden slagging The Huns in the dressing room after winning the league. The clip, which has now been removed from You Tube, was braodcast on the "From Boy To Bhoy" documentary.

LoTW, fears now that superb sport of Hun Baiting is now banned and all Celtic fans better watch out if your out today and decide to partake in a bit of Hun Baiting. You may not have an O'Dea or Brown to save you. LoTW says careful now.

Mon The Hoops.

Forza

LOTW has recovered. A pain, that was like a thousand paper cuts, that made me go to that dark place, the place that when the sun comes up you want to put your head back under the covers, a place that makes you want to book into that hotel in 'The Shining' and a place that is as welcome as a Nazi whore in Max Mosley's house.

Yes,  the pain of pre-season defeat and the loss of the coveted 'Algarve Cup' is hard to take. Celtic were planning on getting a new wee star on their tops to celebrate winning it but ended up ramming the wooden spoon right up Massimo Donati's arse to see if that would put some life in him.

After a draw with 'Boro and a defeat to Cardiff - a defeat that spark wild celebrations in the Welsh Capital, celebrations that haven't been seen since 1927- we ended up bottom of the group and with only 15 fit players.

But...should we really be bothered? Celtic's plan was to field 2 different teams against 'Boro and Cardiff. This didn't happen due to, what has been called, 'niggling injuries' picked up on the 10 mile run's round the Algarve with 20kg bag packs on the players backs while getting chased by devil dogs who haven't been fed for a fortnight.

This plan shows the lack of interest in the final result and has been pointed out to death on this blog our record under GS in pre-season is terrible. We treat the games as training sessions and as we pointed out in the comments of the poorly subsribed and poorly written live match comentary our lack of pace and tempo means these games are pish.

We learn nothing from these games. The players don't give that extra bit of dig. And LOTW blames the manager for this. It comes from him. But....rumours of our demise are as far from the mark as Barack Obama being welcomed in Europe as the new JFK.

Our manager sums up our pre-season problems and the solution here....... 

'There are targets we are talking to. We get every Tom, Dick and Harry thrown at us and it's not going to happen. We either get good ones or we don't bother. 'Supporters want to see players arriving, of course they do. It's like kids when they go for sweeties. One says: "I want sweeties, I want sweeties as well," and "I want a toy, I want a toy too." 'We're trying our best to do it. But do we just say: "Right, OK, here's a player," just to keep them happy?

LOTW, also doesn't want to sign Chris Killen just for the sake of it but from what LOTW has heard that Tom is a decent holding midfielder, Dick is a left back who is good going forward and Harry is a Champions League quality centre back who will allow Gary Caldwell to move into his preferred holding midfield role where he will grow a beard to look like Paul 'Zico' Hartley.

Talking of centre backs, one of Gabriel 'showmethemoney' Tamas 120 agents has spoken out on his 'failed' move- though LOTW still believes he will sign on August 31st at 11.55pm- to Celtic. He moans

"It's true Gabriel asked for £20,000 a week but he was happy to accept Celtic's offer, even though it wasn't very good in my opinion. His desire to play in the UK was so strong he was willing to accept £16,000 a week. But I don't know what happened after that."

Love it. £16,000 a week is not a good offer. Wonder if the agent has his players 'interests' at heart or his %? LOTW thinks it's the latter. I'm bored of this Tamas thing it's almost as boring as the Shaun Maloney willhewonthe situation. I wish Aston Villa would just sell Gareth Barry buy David Bentley and sell us wee short arse.

We all know it makes sense.

Ah, wee Maloney. Did anyone else think Paul McGowan the other night looked like wee Maloney with his head up playing style, touch and that he is a midget? Anyone? C'mon anyone? The player himself says...

"I want to give myself every chance of making it at Celtic before I make a decision about my future."

The other night he looked like a player. A midfielder player not a striker right enough. With our manager making squeaking noises regarding promoting young players if the 'right' signing targets don't come the boy may have a chance. Him and Caddis are the only two that pre-season has done any favours.

A pre-season that continues today with a game in Oporto against Porto for that cunt Victor Baia. Why are we playing a game for the benefit for that cheating basturd? Remember when he went down in the UEFA Cup Final- when it was a decent cup- like an stuntman from the A-Team all forward rolls and screaming like a cat having sex.

I for one won't be watching that game. I would rather put itching powder down my gonads than watch that....also the fact that it's not on Tv helps me stick to my principals.

I'll leave with this classic reagrding the Danish former porn star humper Tommy Gravesen....

"I spoke to Thomas and told him he won't play for us because of the system we play. We tried our best to get a system which suited Thomas and it hasn't worked. It was the system to blame, not the player or the club."

....says our manager.

I didn't know we played with a system.

Since LOTW towers no longer has a kitchen it seems like Custard Creams for lunch....

Forza

Well, that's the annual LOTW sunshine break over for another year and what has LOTW learned this year? That drinking Buckfast and Sangria causes you tae lose two days and that going 'commando' gies yer gonads as much freedom as Andy Hinkel gies right handsided midfielders in pre-season games.

Talking of pre-season games, Gary Caldwell - rent a quote as some call him- proclaimed yesterday "....Celtic don't dae friendlies, there is pressure here awe the time" pity someone didnae tell the players and the planners of Celtic's pre-season games.

A win against Southampton, an expected defeat against Fulham (2 games in less than 24 hours after a few weeks of solid running was bawbaggery of the highest order) and then a draw against 'Boro (there goal) (oor goal) - notice Aliadiere's GIRUY celebration, this from a guy who was deemed no better than Craig Beattie!!!- means that normal pre-season humdrum under GS has been resumed.

I said in an earlier blog that these games are just training sessions and mean nothing to the players, so it was wie great humour I read 'View From 412' which saved me the trouble of looking of wasting mair Euro drinking tokens reading Celticcybertimdom. Predictable reactions from the Cyber hardmen so I huvnae even bothered this morning wie 'Newsnow' or ma usual trawl through the web to gauge reaction of last nights game, which I didnae see but I will watch today at some point.

I don't expect to see much in the 90 mins. In fact, I will probably not watch the whole game.

But....I want to see us ramp it up over the next few weeks. We play Cardiff on Thursday night, game that I will be gieing live updates of on the blog comment sections, so if ye dinny have Setanta Tv come in tune in drop oot. I'm sure the game will be that pesh you might get a commo on Holby City, Big Brother or a solution tae war in the Middle East.

Anyway, back to Gary Caldwell. Yesterday, I was walking doon to the beach for ma early morning can o' 'Pear Cider' (to clear ma heid), when I noticed a guy reading the Daily Ragger and on the backpage was the headline "Make me a Celt for life'.

I couldnae see the picture that went wie the headline but right away I was thinking it was Arfur Boruc.....so ye can imagin' ma disappointment when I bought the paper instead of the can of cider...LOTW in no way takes responsibility for the international incident caused by ma language when finding this oot.

But, The Caldwell getting a new contract widnae bother me like it might (and will) bother some. He stood up to the plate towards the end of last season and showed that the abuse he got didnae bother him as he is arrogant or a confident sod.

Wie the Gabriel Tamas situation now reaching an impass on the 125th day of talks, when him asking for 2 rupes and a Tesco club card caused the SSM to storm oot the room, means that at the moment Caldwell is a stick-on starter. Even when we sign/ if we sign Tamas, Caldwell should still be a stick on starter says LOTW. 

So...as predicted by LOTW, Georgios Samaras signed. Sammy reprogrammed his 'TomTom' which was set on a course to Hull and couldnae hide his delight when he shouted "“This was always my first choice. I wanted to stay at Celtic and my door was closed to other clubs who showed an interest"

Yes, and Sammy suddenly became oor 1st choice when the SSM played Man City- whose bid for Ronaldinho has to be laughed at- like Nigel Kennedy playing a fiddle and got the Cain Dingle lookalike (much to the delight of Mrs LOTW) for just over £1m plus extras if he plays often...which he might do as he has looked ok in pre-season.

LOTW ponders can he become a starter rather than an impact player? I still sudder at how bad he wis against St Mirren and Aberdeen last season while also wonder at the ball he pit across for JVOH for his goal in the Scottish Cup tie at Aberdeen.

There is a stat that says he scored mair goals per minutes on the park than Skippy and JVOH. I canny be arsed finding it.

Over in Benchville, New Zealand, some bloke called Chris Killen claims he plays for Celtic and that he is going to the Olympics. He claims "But I still see a future for myself at Celtic. If I'd gone to the World Cup and had a good tournament people would have recognised that and it would have boosted me at club level. That's what I'm hoping comes out of my trip to China."

LOTW, I'm sure, talks for the majority when he spits 'bothered?' 

While LOTW was on it's holibags Celtic released a groundbreaking green and white hooped kit. Paul Hartley said "I wisnny expecting this....."

But, why do we want to look like Sporting Lisbon?

Forza