It was all about Artur Boruc. Though.

He was welcomed like the legend he his and the second half was a homeage to The Holy Goalie. After 60 mins The Holy Goalie wandered to take a free kick inside the box. He turned to what is known as 'The Green Brigade Corner', thumped the Celtic badge and gave a wee clenched fist salute.

Like a showman playing the crowd, it was an encore we wanted. We got it. Just after, Villarreal sprung a Feeder Club tactic, long ball over the top, and the Villarreal player was bearing doon on goal. The Holy Goalie set himself up and produced the save. The ball was cleared. The Holy Goalie punched the air. After that it was all waves and claps to his adoring public.

The message was clear. The only Goalie catching, or not as the case maybe, Easter Roaditis was Viera in the Villarreal goal. I fully expect a witch-hunt in the Spanish press to be underway to chase him out of Spain.

After a decent nights work, when he was not troubled, Artur went home and listened to the new Dido album.

Don't Look Back In Anger

"You have taken me from a calm manager preparing to experiment....." said WGS before the game, so playing yer best team in it's best formation is experimenting. Long may it continue say 99.9% of Celtic fans.

The Euro Disney Nights that CP is famed for last night had a Santa's Groto in Devon atmosphere around it as the maist unimportant Big Cup game since Juventus or as meaningless as the turkey shoot against Artmedia Bratislava.

The predicted mass stay-away due to the meaningless nature and glamour December friendly feel was a damp squib for those Tv watchers wanting to see a car crash. The playing for pride, points and money brigade won a points victory as watching Marcos Senna being so far in Scott Broon's pocket that he was keeping his cahonas warm was worth the expense.

Added to a final Big Cup cameo by oor Japanese Number 25, the return of Aiden McGeady and Andy Hinkel turning in another decent performance made this glorified training session, made even mair worthless by a comedy M.I.B, a confidence boosting 90mins that still left you feeling empty at the end.

The media, quite rightly, focused on what might have been and kept mentioning that we finished bottom of the group. "We did enough in Aalborg to win the game, everybody in this room whom I met has said we deserved to win." moaned oor manager, " We had a smashing performance against Villarreal away and we were six minutes away from beating against Manchester United here although we obviously had our backs to the wall." he added stretching the truth a bit and hiding the bit of paper that say's only Bate, Keiv and Famagusta had less shots on target than us in the whole of The Big Cup.

The fact that we scored only 4 goals shows were oor problem lay. Bad finishing and injuries can be blamed for us going from being last 16 contenders to sharing a bath wie Cluj, Anorthosis, Basel, PSV, Steaua, Fenerbahce and Bate when the Europa contenders reconvene early next year. Blaming those things only is being kind. Cards on the table? We weren't good enough.

At least Scott Broon commited the most fouls in the group section and Celtic were like 11 Wayne Rooneys and commited a massive 97 fouls in oor 6 games.

Glamour friendly highlights here, short arsed goal links, here and here.

Rumour O'Filter

".......we have a plan already. I can't do any of the finance bit -that's the chief executive's role - I just deal with the football bit. If you think there is a really good one out there for £500,000, then it is well worth it, or I might just get a Bosman and pay him a half a year's wages." muttered WGS the other day.

Not an indication that we expect the econnoisseurs of the PLC to spend £5m big ones on Welshman wie questionable tattoos and a history Hessellinkities so bad that Big Jan signs his sicknotes.

The usual Celtic 'source' is quoted as not saying: “Gordon is desperate to land him. He isn’t concerned by his reputation, having handled the younger version and others like Noel Whelan. Bellers was a huge hit when he was on loan up here and, at around £5m, the signing would be good business.”

Aye, that Noel Whelan was a £5m, £70,000 a week Big Time Charlie right enough.

Well at least you won't be waking up to Charlie Nicholas on Xmas morning and I'm off to ponder why bands from Glesga want to sound like West Coast Americans.

Forza

Easter Road. It has seen many a Goalie burn his gloves in it's centre circle. Any stadium that holds Alan Rough as some kind off Legend must have seen some howlers over the years. Maybe, none as great as Arfur Boruc's yesterday, when he let a 45 yard 'Squiggler'- John Rankins word for his fluke shot, proving that nevermind being a crap footballer he is crap at making up words as well- trundle into the back of the onion bag. 

Celtic's two defeats, domestically, have involved an Arfur Boruc gaff. This season has seen the Holy Goalie perform a great impression of The Soup Dragon feeding The Clangers. He was once worth his weight in gold, which works oot at around $10,530.80, but is now worth his weight in Freddy Mac shares, which works oot aboot $13.02. That is based on his pre-season fighting weight.

Rumours that Celtic 'invented' an injury and sent Arfur to Poland to sort himself oot and to check "Where's His Head Was At" mean, if true, that Celtic have went oot on a limb and have ended up looking like Heather Mills. 

Stick or twist? Is Mark Brown giving 110% at Bobby Lennoxtoon today, looking towards a start against Hearts Of Lithuania on Saturday? There in is the problem. We have no replacement for The Holy Goalie, no other goalie on oor books that is his equal. Unlike the days of Hedman and Douglas when both were as bad as each other.

"We all have to take responsibility - he got a free shot. We'll get on with it and he'll get on with it. We are glad he is our keeper." said Gary Calderbuer, still hanging oot to dry, after the defeat against The Feeder Club. LoTW is glad he is oor goalie as well, but on day's like Sunday it's difficult to protect him from the on-coming bandwagon that is trying to chase him from oor club.

Lazy Sunday Afternoon. 

It was a day for firsts. First time this season we have failed to score a goal, domestically. First time this season The Feeder Club have got a clean sheet. First Feeder Club win, at home, in 3 months. First time in 8 years we have failed to score against The Feeder Club. Put that in a pot and mix it all together and you get a 2-0 defeat. The two goals are here.

Oor, under pressure manager, reflecting on oor first away defeat in 8 months and oor first defeat in 12 games said: "We had loads of chances to finish them off, we wanted to walk the ball into the back of the net and I felt comfortable. It’s not often you feel comfortable when you come here, I’ve said that before."

The stats of only 2 shots on and 6 off target, 1 less the total of The Feeder Club, and 56% possession show where oor problem lay and that 'loads of chances' is as mythical as bloke in a bright red suit, delivering bikes doon chimneys. We had 12 corners right enough, all of them went direct to Rob Jones, who was not frightening Doncaster Rovers so long ago. 

"It's tough to get beat at any time but there are a lot of players in my dressing room who must be very proud of the way they tried to make sure it didn't happen. A lot of them had a right good go at it." said WGS, praising the effort put in by the players but ignoring the lack of quality that comes wie Andy Hinkel being yer most creative player.

Still, The Feeder Club lined up in the mould of their manager, ugly. They played 6 defenders in their line up. Oor manager, commenting on The Feeder Clubs tactics: "If you mean getting behind the ball and creating very little chances and hoping they might get a speculative goal like that, then credit to them." he said somewhat missing the point that The Feeder Club managed 6 shots on target playing wie 6 defenders.

The Most Expensive Friendly In Europe The Week.

The only thing to play for this week against Villarreal is ensuring that we don't end up wie oor worst ever points total in The Big Cup. A win means we equal oor 2004/05 total of 5, a draw and we equal The Huns worst ever total and a defeat means we are the worst ever Scottish team to play in The Big Cup. Also, a victory means that we keep the record of winning at a least 1 game in everytime we have played in The Big Cup.

Enough to make you fork oot travelling and ticket expenses and go to Glesga on a cauld Wednesday night? For thousands it won't be and also the managers have added to 'The Glamour Friendly' atmosphere.

“Players who are not used to appear regularly will have the chance to show themselves in Glasgow.” pointed oot Manuel Pellegrini, Villarreal heid honcho and clipboard fiddler.

"Some of the players might need this one. Aiden and Sami might need games.I need to get the men who perhaps have not had many games, or who have maybe not been at the top of their form, playing so that they can find that best form."  said WGS, maybe buying into the thinking that playing Aiden McGeady and Georgios Samaras, instead of lesser players, actually makes your starting 11 stronger.

"We just need to get something to feel good about ourselves." added WGS. Never a truer word said but a victory in a meaningless game, after a poor Big Cup, would seem somewhat hollow unless Cillian Sheridan scores a hat-trick and they were all set up by Koki Mizuno.

At least we have a game this week to keep us amused like bored goldfish. The Hail Hails are open for you to open yer heart, on the fear, that we are now seeing the Polish Rab Douglas. You don't have to be logged in to Hail Hail. 

Twitter and Profile.

What Ex-Celtic player refused to take part in the new Celtic History DVD saying that some would rather see him air brushed from Celtic history?

Forza

I would not usually be up for giving the opening blog gambit to a Huns goal. Whitesnake, Def Leppard, yes, but LoTW, today is breaking from the Status Quo.

So, yesterday, as Wallie Nosurnames Army were still showing signs of an European hangover, which has plagued them since August, by losing another domestic away game, at least Europa Golden Boot Contender, Kris Boydchenko, showed that he could still entertain the masses in times of trouble.

After claiming credit for the own goal, Kris showed that he is in training for the 2012 Olympics wie a 'Roly Poly' dive, which induced an earthquake in Korea due to Boydchenkos Monster Munch enhanced frame crashing onto the turf.

If, them getting beat wisnny funny enough, we should gie Boydchenko a big, HURRAH, for his encore. It's almost as funny as Roy Keanes beard. Almost.

A Snooze To 12 In A Row

Celtic, showed what Europa willnae be missing after Christmas, wie a performance that was mair Celtic December 2007 than Brazil 1970, wie a 1-0 victory over The 'Senkie wie a goal fae Shaun Maloney after 29 mins. For those that are avid 'Celtic Watchers" the worry that we are returning to the form, or the lack off form, that saw Decemeber 2007 a month to forget, is something to suck on like a week old, Worthers Original that has been stuck to yer couch.

We have to hope that the teams we face are mair open than The 'Senkie were yesterday. Their was mair chance of Prince Harry coming oot as a cross dressing sheep worrier than The 'Senkie coming oot to attack. Still, after a 5-0 drubbing they received at Ipox, then that's their bag if they want to try and find a cure for insomnia wie their tactics.

Still, we were off form. Oor manager said: “The longer the game went on, the crowd get more nervous and the player’s seemed to get a bit nervous as well and the technical ability went down the longer the went on. It wasn’t brilliant to start with but obviously it went further down, so that was a problem. Another problem was giving the ball away in good positions and sometimes in areas where you thought was very safe." I'm willing to put money on this slackness in oor play was due the lack of threat posed fae The 'Senkie and a bout of illness caused by dodgy Danish bacon.

The game was won wie oor 2 most creative players, who both had games to forget, another game to forget for Shaun Maloney and he is racking up a few of them, combined to score. GS said: “We scored a smashing goal with a real good pass, that was his best pass (Nakamura) – it was a lovely pass- and to get the ball up and down with not too much pace on it and allow Shaun [Maloney] to make his run which he knew the only person that could play that pass was Nakamura, so if was coming from any other player I don’t think Shaun would have made that run."

Apart from the worry that oor last 3 domestic performances have been lacking the flair, a bit like the current fashion for tight fit jeans, shown earlier in the season but this could just be due to injuries and heavy legs catching up wie us.

But we can't really complain, as oor manager lays the truth cards on the table saying: "This run shows that we can deal with disappointment and injuries and win when we are not at our best. Also, in this run, we've had Champions League games, League Cup games and six players away with international teams a lot of times. So the players have had a lot to deal with recently." So, we have done not too badly then, Gordon?

Tims In Shorts

Like this blog, Artur Boruc has no friends. "I don't think that it's a good idea to make friends with people in football. There is no deep relationship between football players," said Artur. While the meeja like to peddle the myth that "the team that drinks together, wins together" bottomline is how many people actually socialise wie their workmates?

Anyway oor manager is not to bothered: "What he is saying that he doesn't mingle with the lads after training and I can understand that. By the looks of it, he has far better people to mingle with than some of the lads that are here (like big blondes who buy pints and snog him) and so I can understand why he wants to down the tools and get out of here as quickly as possible."

LoTW disnny socialise wie his workmates either. This is not his choice but it has mair to do wie his messy lunch habits and lack of hygiene.

Rumour O'Filter

In the Hail Hails the other evening, I mentioned Niall McGinn who plays for Celtic's Irish Feeder Club, Derry City. The 21 Norn Iron internationalist, he won't be  if he signs for us, said of being entered on the Transfer Database by John Park: "Celtic are obviously a big club and it is a great honour to discover that they are looking at me," he said. "It would be a great move. I was a M*nchester U*ited fan as a boy but Celtic were my Scottish team, so it is obviously something I would consider."

It is really nice to see that we are looking at the far flung markets of Europe. Wie the SSM saying: "We are looking at both quality and quantity. We have a track record of getting to a transfer window and coming out of it stronger." we are hoping that Celtic will notice Ryan Air do cheap flights to Poland and Sweden, not just Belfast and Dublin. 

Cauld day here. So it's time to get a nice wee drink of 7up and curl up in front of the fire and shout "Burchill and Moravcik".

Forza

Thanks to Number 7 fae KDS for the Paul Hartley Riverdance picture.

Ok.

"Feedthebeargate"

In the attempts to be seen as knowledgeable, I posted a question that I had the wrong answer for. Roy Aitken left Celtic on the 10th Jan 1990 for The Barcodes. This means, that when he came on as a sub for Ecosse against Diego Maradonas Argentina in March 1990 he was a Barcode player.

LoTW can only apologise for this oversight. Not that 99% of the readers bothered their arse to answer the question anyway. So, to make it easier for the 99% that didnae take part here is a wee highlights package, worth watching 24mins of pure Hoopy gold, to help you wie the last blogs teaser, which was name the starting 11 that won the league at Love Street in May 86.

**Looks smug wie himself as in no way will any of the 33 readers realise that, once again, he has posted a question he does not know the answer to and the video will help him**

Boruc Kills A Helen At Love Street

It was an easy victory, as my during game Hail Hails back up, but only one "incident" will make the headlines. The incident is here. It has been described by one of the beacons of bampottery for the pay-as-you-go generation as, as bad as Toni Schumacher in the 1982 World Cup. While it's not an audition for re-make of The Karate Kid, it's akin to a drunk bumping into a fellow drunk on Sauchiehall Street on a Saturday night. No malice just stupid.

Uncle Fester MacPherson was one of the first wie the massive over-reaction: "We are not complaining about goal-scoring opportunities or it being the last man, we are only talking about the challenge. If a centre-back or outfield player makes a challenge as crude as that, I think there would only be one outcome - we would all be expecting a red card." he moaned, I think, wieoot actually seeing the incident.

The Helen player who was on the end of the "bump", Craig Dargo, put a nail in the coffin of the accusations of a heid high tackle when he said: "He caught me on the top of my leg. I wasn't really trying to look at him too much because if I had seen him coming I would have pulled out of it a bit. If he had hit me full on I would have been in some pain."

There you go. While some are blaming Boruc for war in the Middle East, The Credit Crunch and Timmy Mallet being back on the telly, the player involved backs up the footage that the HG pulls out of the challenge before contact.

Jog on. Nothing to see or moan aboot.

Which is what GS did. "We played better than we did last week against Hamilton and we had to.We were fortunate we had players who can do magical things." said GS. 52% possession, 6 shots on and 7 off target, compared to The Helen's 1 shot on and 1 shot off shows how comfortable it was.

Goals from Samaras, a cracker from Naka and a tap in from Cillian Sheridan completed 11 wins in a row. We lost a stupid goal in the last minute to oor auld friend Jim Hamilton. Only blip on the day.

The manager beamed aboot Nakamura: “The second goal [by Nakamura] was magnificent, even the boys are talking about it just now and I thought he was fantastic all day. It was a day when it was grey and horrible and you didn’t expect that kind of performance but he gave us it all day.” He is on a great scoring run The Man From Japan and is 2nd top goalscorer for us, joint wie Skippy, after Samaras, who we are glad is back.

That is 19 goals we have scored in the final 30mins of games this season but we have also lost 11 in the same period. Seems oor games come to life then.

Winner Takes It All.

It's a fight to the death then. Winner takes all in Denmark. So, it's always nice when some big mouth from the other camp comes oot wie tosh like this: ""Celtic are not intimidating. I believe we will win against them. There was no player who was outstanding, on the contrary, I was more impressed by St Mirren who managed to get some great scoring chances. Celtic's defence is far from world class, and we will create many chances if we manage to keep the ball on the ground."

While being completely off the radar wie part of that comment, we have to agree oor defence is not world class. Compared to Aalborg BK's though it has lost 6 goals less in the Big Cup this season. A defence that has lost 11 goals in 4 games should mean easy pickings but wie oor record of only 1 goal in the Big Cup and only 11 shots on target and 15 off target, means that we might be trying to savage  the Danes wie a died gerbil. 

In terms of performances away from home, we have improved this season but that has been at the detriment of creating chances and scoring goals. In fact I would say the Big Cup has been a disappointment this season.

While the press and the bookies have forgotten that we huvnae won away fae home in the Big Cup and that we huvnae scored a goal away from home since December 2006 they make us favourites to win the UEFA Vase bun fight. They seem to have missed the ghost of Rosenburg that is slapping LoTW in the coupon.

We are now behind Aalborg BK in terms of possession, 46% and 43%, and also shots on and off target. The only stat we are in front of them wie is we have commited 69 fouls compared to their 60. But, Aalborg BK have lost 7 goals in the last 15mins before HT and 5 in the last 15 before FT. That suits oor strong goalscoring record in those periods.

The guid news for us is oor Hessellinkitis seems to be clearing up wie Aiden McGeady set to return.

"Aiden has a great chance. His calf injury is okay. He had a bit of tendonitis in the knee in the last couple of days but he came in yesterday and felt really good." said Neil Lennon, Celtic chief cone puter-outer, before the team flew oot.

He agrees wie LoTW's when he said: "It is a must win game for us. I think it will be a British style game. But we are in good form and we want to get that monkey off our back in terms of winning away from home". The winning away fae hame monkey means that I would take a draw in this game.

Aalborg BK have only lost to Man Utd and Getafe at home in Europe in the last 5 years. Though Celtic's record in Europe against Danes is decent, 7W 2D 2L, this is a tough tie just due to THAT away record. We have to treat it as a Scottish Cup tie against a team we have the guns to outgun. That team though, also fancy their chances at causing an upset.

Will we stick wie oor 4-2-3-1 formation that we played at Trafford Ball Park and El Madrigal or revert to a 4-4-2? Oor manager say's: "We try and attack everywhere we go so it will be no different and we will play the game as we see it" while mentioning slight injury concerns to Nakamura, Robson and Hartley.

The golden notebook needs all 3 to be on it. Esp Robson. He will need to add to his 14 fouls that he has already commited this season in the Big Cup. At least we are top of the Big Cup league in something.

It's nearly behind the couch time. Thoughts and fears, put them in the Hail Hails (you don't have to be logged in to comment), it's like a problem page for sad, lonely Tims worried aboot away Euro games. Dinny worry, last time we played on the 25th November, away from home, we drew wie Barca.

Forza

It's been a bad week for Sir Mintalot. In this, his 20th year of presiding over Bankruptcy, Bigotry, Boomsungism and Bampottery, firstly, he has seen The Huns season ticket list posted on the Timternet, secondly, he has called the peepul of Airdrie and Shotts racist bigots and thirdly threatened the Heidie of Celtic.

In reply to Sir Mintalots statement, the Heidie of Celtic tore him a new one wie sarcastic reply.

Fight, Fight, Fight......and throw in some mud.

Like being in a Deloran Time Machine, LoTW feels that recent events, the rise in racist abuse and chanting, the rise in sectarian attacks and the meeja burying their heids in the sand going "La, La, La, La hear no evil see no evil", means we have been transported back to the mid 80's when perms, bubble coats, Nike Airs and Huey Lewis were cool.

Tims In Rehab.

Artur Boruc, decided to choose the Amy Winehouse route to recovery fae Hessellinkitis. He was caught by the Polish version of The Sun, downing pints of lager, smoking Cuban cigars and got up close and personal with a pretty blonde in a city bar.Worse was to follow when he went to watch a horror flim called "Midnight Meat Train", which was aboot some Huns on a trip into Europe.

 "It was his weekend off. He can do what he wants." said WGS echoing the thoughts of all Timdom who are not of a certain vintage and the above describes their normal weekend. The certain vintage Tims just say lucky barsteward.

Aiden McGeady, decided to follow Arturs lead and take the "Winehoose Route" to aid his recovery fae Hessellinkitis. Just this time it ended up wie him getting a smack. A so-called pal said: "There was about three of them and they started dishing out some abuse, it was pretty heavy stuff. One of them punched him on the face a couple of times.”

Some of Timdom, ones of a certain vintage, remember when getting abuse and a smack was part and parcel of a normal weekend.

Rumour O'Filter

After not learning from Paddy McCourt, John Park has been seen sniffing around Tallaght and courting the services of St Pats midfielder Keith Faye. He is available for a few light bulbs and Chris Killen. Big Eck at The Brum is already preparing his buns for the fight.

Semir Stilic, a Bosnian midfielder currently plying his trade in Poland has been linked wie a £2.5m move to us. "I know Celtic have had him watched a couple of times and are showing interest but it is up to Lech Poznan (was he not a Union leader?) whether they want to sell him or not. I do know they turned down a bid of 2.5m earlier this season for him." said his Mr15% while hoping for a nice wee new year earner.

A Store Were The Creatures Meet.

Oor last ever visit to The Midden that is Love Street tomorrow. A stadium that holds memories of that day in May 86 when Albert Kidd became a Celtic legend. A day that we were shoaked wie radioactive rain, played in the best away kit ever and played some of the most famous football in oor fitba' clubs history.

It was also the day LoTW was involved in his first and last pitch invasion.

The midweek UEFA Vase qualifier wie Aalborg BK looms, like a big boil on yer arse, but getting 3 points against the Helen Mirrens is all that is on the managers mind. "I'm not having that nonsense (The Big Cup being mair important). The SPL is our main target. They always make it tough for us. We once scored five there but the rest of the games have been close."

Aye, after oor poor performance last week and coupled wie the factors of The Helen's being a better team than Relegated Hamilton and this being the last time we visit Love Street, flags this up as red for danger.

Injuries will play havoc, again, wie the golden notebook. Paul Hartley bemoaned George Burley and The Falklands when he said: "I came off after 60 minutes (in the Ecosse game wie The Malvinas) with a knock and I'll need to see the medical staff at Celtic before I know if I'll be fit for the weekend." Meaningless friendlies also took there toll wie Barry Robson also being sent home injured wie tight-hammie-ouch. Also, Massimo Donati, who has started the last 2 games, is oot for a few weeks wie kicking-a-training-cone-ouch.

Oor midfield options are as thin as Kate Moss. Up front, Sammy should be looking to return to full fitness wie hopefully a decent run oot and the manager will need to decide between Craig Beattie-alike Cillian Sheridan and the off-form Shaun Maloney wie Skippy still being riddled wie the Kangaroo pox, which is killing baby 'Roos due to expanding arseness. Aiden McGeady may come into contention if his nose has been put back in place.

We are going for 11 wins in a row. Mick McManus reckons this is the best squad we have had for years, he boasted: "If we had three or four players injured in previous years then they would be badly missed. But it just shows you how strong the squad is that it doesn't matter who you are, you are not going to be missed because there is a good player coming in. That is a valuable thing to have in a squad."

This run proves that. The hope is, the Helen Mirrens, carry on their dismal run of 3 defeats coming into this game. Uncle Fester MacPherson says and quite rightly: "We have to start the game positively, but both in an attacking sense and defensively." They gave The Huns a real fright last weekend and have already beaten them at Love Street this season.

They have only scored 1 goal in their last 5 games and have not won a match since they beat Relegated Hamlton on the 18th October. A win for them would be a major shock but it's possible. Too many factors, though, make this not an away banker.

The Helen's don't lose many goals in the first period. They have lost 6 goals in the first 45, wie half of them coming between 40-45mins. 10 goals have been shipped in the second period 14 of them from 60mins onwards. Celtic, have scored 16 goals this season from 60mins onwards and also have scored 4 in the last 5mins of the first half. 

In oor last 3 games a midfielder has scored. We may be waiting until the 2nd period for the breakthrough tomorrow, added to the fact that 12:30ko are usually dull and don't come to life until after HT, then a late 2-0 victory wie Scott Brown scoring seems a decent punt.

Comments will be posted during the game tomorrow so I hope to see the Hail Hails bulging like a strippers jockstrap loaded wie white cotten socks.

Oh, Paul McStay and Roy Aitken.

And, on that famous day in 1986 what was the Celtic starting 11? 

Forza

It's back. The blog that is as welcome as Chris Iwelumo at an archery club or a pox carrying grey squirell, wie the horn, in a pack of red squirells on heat and after 5 Bacardi Breezers. Not at full fitness yet. A Doumbe type injury has laid it low and a loan deal has been agreed wie Chester City reserves for a Laptop that is steamed powered and has a canary giving gas warnings.

Which has just went phhhheeeeeeeeeeppppppp and croak. Bit like Jan Vennegoor Of Hesslelink.

Holy Goalie Gosh And Aiden McGeady Irelands Favourite Son.

In the international boredom, Artur Boruc decided to tell us that he was over the burds, booze and blunders. Well, boredom got to the Holy Goalie when this happened. The Solvakian Tv pictures are not the best so here is a section from the match report...

Sestak, the Solvakian Kenny Miller, scored his first in the 85th minute after a mistake by Polish keeper Artur Boruc, who SLIPPED(?), dropped the ball (did he ever have the ba'?) and offered the Solvak an easy chance to score.

The FIFA reporter must have not been watching Solvak TV to give such an Arthur Montford type account. All things consider..Artur made a arse of it and he's better on the burds and booze. 

Another Celtic player was having a better night. Aiden McGeady, played a major role in Ireland's convincing 1-0 victory over Club Rep Cyprus, was praised to the hilt by the Irish manager, of Italian origin, George Trap O' Toni. Aiden himself was pleased saying:

I was pleased wie my overall performance. I managed to get the ball (which is always nice for a player to actually have the ba') and contribute in the final third.

His contributions in the final third included missing a sitter and having a poor final ba' according to the some Irish commentators who are maybe showing the first signs of anti-Scottishness. Still, Aiden was either MOTM or not very guid. He seems to divide opinion. Does that mean he is the Irish Gary Caldwell?

Fair Play to Murderwell.

In this credit crunch and maybe reacting to the recent protests by The Green Brigade regarding ticket prices Motherwell have annouced their plan to attract another 150 fans through their gates by dropping their ticket prices. Next time Celtic visit the Fir Park Midden we will get charged 15 Scottish Pounds for the privilage to get filmed, be subjected to heavy-handed stewarding and watch Celtic beat them easily.

Aboot time the others followed suit.

Beware Of The 'Senkie

Real fitba' returns this weekend and Celtic face a tricky tie at Inverness. A stadium, where we have scored in all oor visits since 23.03.03, but oor last visit saw a potential championship dropping 3 points when we were 2-0 up and got beaten 3-2. But...it wisny, as The Huns were shite but it did spell the end of Elvis and Mark Brown's Celtic careers.

Oor managers record up there is W2, D2, L1 and performances 0. It's the type of record that has Gordon trying to pencil in Paul Hartley and Barry Robson. In oor last 3 visits to The 'Senkie we have scored twice wie Jan Vennegoor of Hesslelink being the main 'Senkieskelper. We will look to Georgios Samaras and Scott McDonald to keep that record up this weekend.

'Senkie's record of W1, D1, L2 at home this season goes for nothing. They celebrate the visit of Celtic by burning longboats, eating haggis and drinking virgins blood while shouting 'Arrrrrrggggghhhh' while beating their chests wie axes. Yes, they will be up for it.

Captain, and ever improving, Mick McManus say's Celtic are up for it as well.

The SPL is a priority- and while I know the Big Cup might be more glamorus, I know I can speak for everyone when I say we want to go for the League (Diddy) Cup too.

He pushing a point saying we want to win the Diddy Cup or the squad thought we could win the Big Cup when in reality we are competing for the UEFA Vase place. Still, nice to know we are focused.

Celtic are the only team to be unbeaten away from home this season, W2 D1 and have scored in every game they have played. We are unbeaten in every game we have scored first. We are a better footballing team than oor visit last December, as View from 412 points oot, so I'm going for a comfortable 2-0 victory wie Maloney scoring.

Hail Hails are open for comments and wind and pish. I'm off to see what happened to that canary.

Forza

It's going to be one of those "I remember where I was moments". It will be up a Lisbon moment for my generation. So, I hope I don't die before I get auld as when the 'moment' happens I will be prone to weeing maself and forgetting ma name.

Celtic, as predicted, continued their speedy exit from the Big Cup wie a 1-0 defeat against Villarreal in the fortress that is the lego inspired El Madrigal. The highlights are here (thanks to 101 Great Goals) and you will see that we had 3 decent chances, wie Georgios Samaras missing the best one just before HT and in the 2nd period we were under the cosh, saved by Artur Boruc, as Villarreal upped the tempo and destroyed us down the right flank.

Marcos Senna scored the winner from softly awarded free kick. The Villarreal player went down very easily, as they did all night, remember they spoke up how phsyical we would be?, but the truth of the matter is, no matter how much space Artur Boruc gave Senna to aim at, just the same as he gave Celtic, Dundee Utd and Wolves reject Charlie Mulgrew to aim at on Saturday, Villarreal would have scored in that period of domination.

In the second period we just could not handle Senna and Santi Cazorla, no matter how often Scott Brown clattered and closed them doon. We struggled and now that away win seems so far off that we should ask Gordon Brown to bail out this auld failing institution. 1 point out of 48 in CL away games. 1 draw in 18 games. 37 goals lost in those games. We have not scored away from home in a CL group game since Copenhagan. Under oor current incumbent Villarreal can be added to Bratislava, Manchester, Lisbon (twice), Milan (twice), Cophenhagan, Barca, Moscow and Donestk as places we have failed to win.

Not that oor manager didn't try. The first impression that he was commiting the biggest career suicide since Oasis released 'Be Here Now' wie a 4-2-3-1 formation, which included Aiden McGeady, Shaun Maloney and Nakamura. It was an attacking formation one that as was less anti-fitba' and more Kamakazi fitba'. 

The fact that it worked for 55mins against a quality team is as bemusing as Radiohead releasing that album of Thom Yorke farting for 55mins and getting praised for it. Still, no matter how well we played that stats will still show a defeat and that Villarreal had 27 shots at goal and 63% possession.

But...oor manager has taken positives oot of it. And so he should. Anyone today that gie's the manager a shread of abuse has took their Anti-Strachanism to new heights or a new low. The manager said... "I asked the lads for a performance - forget about the results - and the performance for the first 55 minutes said, 'Yes, you belong at this level'."....now all Timdom hope that we can get it nearer 90mins and that he takes this 4-2-3-1 formation into domestic games.

Over on the chip on the shoulder camp, Gary Caldwell moans about the cheating barstewards and the soft freekick award. He also makes the point, that was made in the Hail Hail's last night, when he says....“They are very clever, they go down very easily at times and it’s something that we have to learn. “We have to do it in their half, to get those free-kicks to give us breathing space.”....yes, we should becoming cheating barstewards and play them at their own game. I also want us to highlight the diving before games just like Villarreal did by saying we were going to be physical.

Also, word has reached LoTW, via a person close to him, via a man at the end of a bar, via a chance bumping into the said man in the bookies, that Gary Caldwell does not expect to be a Celtic next season. No further details but the story is he does not expect a new contract to be forthcoming.

Lots to talk aboot. We are in the UEFA Vase place in the group. A double heider wie Man Utd coming up and the likely outcome that we will need to go to Denmark and win to ensure European Fitba' after the bloke in the big red suit has been.

So, leave a Hail Hail, even ones about pishing in fish tanks are allowed and you don't need to be logged in to do it.

Forza

A Mogwai Hates Satan FC

Here we have it. The first ever on-time Lotw.

The Interlull continues but the fall out from Scotlands meek defeat in Macedonia continues. In what is becoming normal, Gary Caldwell decides to become the chief flack batter and comes out and defends his team-mates terrible performance. He talks about the meeja's reaction being "embarrassing"- wonder why he never calls his partner 'Heid's attempted passes this- and says the squad now has a siege mentality.

No different from him being with Celtic then.

As far away as possible from watching boring internationals in bunker on the Swiss/French border a group of guys at the top of their profession have gathered to discuss important things. Under the watchful gaze of Dr Evil Andy Roxburgh, Jose, Arsene and Demento listened in awe at Gordon Strachans views on the Large Hadron Collider, the benefits of 442, how playing a right footed players on the left wing, left footed players on the right wing is the future and how his studies into world football have failed to find a left back better than Lee Naylor.

LoTW fails to see the point of these gatherings.

Over at the SFA, Gordon and George have decided that re-making 'The Office' is not for them and that they should hammer that Holy Goalie fellow who is the leader of the Taigs in the East End. Arfur Boruc has been asked to explain the 'obscene' gesture he made to the obscene following of The Orcs and that they will use the press photographs as evidence.

Now, I thought they didn't use press evidence but if they do they should rewatch the 90mins of that game and I'm sure they will have enough evidence to impose 7 or 8 thousand banning orders under their own rules that they brought in, but never used, last season. Maybe, they should just send the video to UEFA and they will add it to what is surely now a filing cabinet marked R*ngers.

Striker Scott McDonald was feeling lonely at Lennoxtoon this week, with all his pals away playing some useless international games. He took the chance to promote himself for a starting slot on Saturday and next Wednesday as there was no one else of interest to interview.

The wee striker must be on the shortlist wie Shaun Maloney to partner, Scotlands top goal scorer, Georgios Samaras up front but how fit he is, is a factor. His games wie Sammy last season were as useful as window boxes in Basra and this may come into oor managers thinking when picking a season saving XI on Saturday.

We maybe should just send Indie-Rock Legends Mogwai to sort out The Huns and all others. The Celtic-Lovin-Indie-Legends, who play at volume of a jet plane taking off and make it sound as beautiful as Henrick Larsson lobbing Stefan Klos, are on tour and are keeping a diary. Usa Tour Diary part 1 ended like this.....

 One last thing, if our single “Batcat” fails to reach the Top 10 in the UK, we will proceed to release one home address per week of a Glasgow Rangers football player. Nacho was the warning shot, wait till we get round to your first team players. Put a Donk on it.

After The S*n gave them some publicity regarding this diary entry, the band responded on Usa Tour Diary part 3........

Apparently Rangers Football Club are “actively investigating” the matter. This perhaps explains why we’ve noticed dodgy looking folk in our audiences attending the last few shows wearing bowler hats, dignified brown brogues and orange sashes.  They didn’t look like Mogwai fans to us and we’ve just found a hidden camera in the Mogwai portable tour chapel, which we feel may be the property of a certain humourless football club in Glasgow. 

Give them the keys to the SFA. 

Forza