"Charlie Nicholas, waiting for a taxi in Coatbridge" 

It's been a bad week to be a satirical, unfunny fan(ny) blog. The news that Official Publications have resorted to toilet humour in an attempt to slag ex-players and media lackies, means that a oor place as a boil on the arse of football writing is in danger.

While you may agree wie the sentiments of the abusive feature, the majority do, the fact that an official publication has resorted to sticking pins in a vodoo doll effigy of Charlie Nicholas, the 1994 Coca Cola Cup Final, fat and square one, not the early 80's champagne one, means that the culture created by Celtic Cybertimdom has reached the doors of the Celtic media bunker and the PLC have said: "We will have some off that".

It must have been a crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy night at that editorial meeting.

Tims In Shorts

So Roy Keane decided that his dog, Triggs, is looking a bit flabby and needs to be walked 15 times a day so he left Sunderland. Nothing to do wie him spending £70 odd million, The Black Cats having a turnover of over 100 players during his time and being as close  of finishing in the top half of the EPL as R*ngers have of being in the black . He also gave us £1m for Stan Varga and Ross Wallace.

Even though the job is a busted flush and as attractive as Mo Mowlem in a thong, it didnae stop a bookie, called Paddy, making WGS 2nd favourite to replace Roy Keane. WGS said: "It's a fantastic club to work for (Celtic) and it's a great bunch of lads. They are smashing to work with, they are receptive and want to get better. The facilities are fantastic as well. We are training on a magnificent pitch, considering the weather has been that bad." before storming oot the press meet after being asked, again, aboot the Sunderland job.

That's cleared that up.

"I'm looking forward to spending at least the next three-and-a-half years here. I've always been a Celtic supporter and it was an easy decision to sign the contract." said Mark Wilson this week. Yes, it must have been an easy decision to accept £8000 a week for three-and-a-half years, safe in the knowledge that your spot at left back is as secure as a deposit in an Icelandic Bank.

Erlend Hanstveit, former Brann Bergan captain and left back and, most importantly to the PLC, available for nothing, has arrived wie an overnight bag for a trial at Lennoxtown.  "I was invited over here to train with Celtic for a week, so we will see how it goes before it eventually becomes something concrete." he said while seeing a shoo-in to the 1st eleven after watching Lee Naylor and Mark Wilson in training.

But, it seems his time will have been spent in vain. WGS said: "It's been a month since he played, which is a long time, so we'd like to keep him here a bit longer and have a look. He'll come with us to the match at Easter Road and see what it feels like to go to a game with the group. He's mingled well with the lads and there are things we like there. But we have to investigate it a bit more."

Not that Mark Wilson is complaining: "I thought I was good enough to play here, I just needed time to prove it," he said. With the January window coming up and nearly 99.9% of the Celtic Cybertimdom wishing for a left back it seems his time to prove it is running out.

Rumour O'Filter

Celtic are stepping into the ring, to go head to head, in a slugfest, wie AC Milan for 2 Czech youngsters. FK Pribram duo Anton Fantis and Milan Misun arrived in the same box, the one marked much cheapness, wie Erlend Hanstveit, for a week running round cones and playing 5-a-sides.

After the Celtic nurse grabs their privates and asks them to cough, their Mr 15%, expects them to be courted by the Rosseneri wie some ice-cream and fine wine:"We expect AC Milan will soon invite them to spend a short spell with their club." he said, trying to force Celtic's hand.

With the January window coming up oor manager gives us hope, then no hope that we might see some action in January. "We have targets and then you have got to narrow it down, which ones we can afford in the financial package, If there is nothing there, we just get on with it."

 "John Park is working very hard, and the rest of them, Ray Clarke and Tom O'Neill."  WGS said wading through airport boarding passes for Dublin and Belfast.

A Sunday Afternoon In Embra.

 "There seems to be a lot of goals when Celtic and Hibs play." proclaimed Skoosh Broon pre-empting the boring 0-0 that will get played oot at Easter Road tomorrow. "I always enjoy going back to Easter Road and the Hibs fans are good to me. I've always had a good reception there over the last 18 months." Skoosh added and thus making himself the only person connected wie Celtic that likes oor trips to The Feeder Club.

We have only won once in four visits to Leith. W1 D1 L2 is oor record in that spell but we did win on oor last visit, when the not often seen beast, that is a Lee Naylor goal, helped us on the way to a 2-0 victory.

2 or more goals seems to be the norm when we play The Feeder Club. Wie Celtic scoring 17 goals on their travels and The Feeder Club losing 12 at home this season another high scoring game could be a safe prediction. The Feeder Club have not lost a goal in the first 20mins of any game this season but have lost 13 goals in the last 25 mins of the opening periods. Celtic have scored 15 goals this season in the same period. The Feeder Club have lost 7 goals in the last 10mins of the first half and Celtic have scored 8.

So, Gary Caldwell, from a corner kick around 37mins is where I would be wasting a few quid if LoTW was a gambling man. But....The Feeder Club like a wee late goal. 7 goals in the last 15mins of games. Celtic have lost 7 in the same time frame. Deek Riordon, to stick it up WGS, and score in that period? Hopefully we will be a few goals up going into that spell and a consolation strike will be all that The Feeder Club muster.  

We are on a 12 game winning streak. We are playing a team that has only won 1 game in their last 8. Oor Hessellinkitis has almost cleared. Only Jan Vennegoor Of Hessellink, Marc Crosas and Massimo Donati are still in quarantine. Cillian Sheridan is struggling wie a sore shoulder, probably from too much slouching.

Aiden McGeady is pushing for a place on the golden notebook and the manager my be looking at making a decision between a strong midfield that includes 3 boilersuit players or a fancy midfield that contains only two boilersuit players. Back 4, same as usual and up front Skippy and Sammy can board the bus safe in the knowledge they are getting a start.

3-1 Celtic. Caldwell, Nakamura and Samaras. Riordon wie a consolation for The Feeder Club. But....I won't be surprised if oor run comes to an end.

Do you want to know LoTW's in game thoughts tomorrow? Well, follow the inane witterings of LoTW on Twitter. LoTW has it's own page (here) so sign up to follow the ramblings. All you do is, create an account, then go to the LoTW home page and click follow. It's also handy if you want to know what LoTW has for lunch or when he is going to work....

The answer is still Barry Robson but no-one has asked the question.....

Forza

I would not usually be up for giving the opening blog gambit to a Huns goal. Whitesnake, Def Leppard, yes, but LoTW, today is breaking from the Status Quo.

So, yesterday, as Wallie Nosurnames Army were still showing signs of an European hangover, which has plagued them since August, by losing another domestic away game, at least Europa Golden Boot Contender, Kris Boydchenko, showed that he could still entertain the masses in times of trouble.

After claiming credit for the own goal, Kris showed that he is in training for the 2012 Olympics wie a 'Roly Poly' dive, which induced an earthquake in Korea due to Boydchenkos Monster Munch enhanced frame crashing onto the turf.

If, them getting beat wisnny funny enough, we should gie Boydchenko a big, HURRAH, for his encore. It's almost as funny as Roy Keanes beard. Almost.

A Snooze To 12 In A Row

Celtic, showed what Europa willnae be missing after Christmas, wie a performance that was mair Celtic December 2007 than Brazil 1970, wie a 1-0 victory over The 'Senkie wie a goal fae Shaun Maloney after 29 mins. For those that are avid 'Celtic Watchers" the worry that we are returning to the form, or the lack off form, that saw Decemeber 2007 a month to forget, is something to suck on like a week old, Worthers Original that has been stuck to yer couch.

We have to hope that the teams we face are mair open than The 'Senkie were yesterday. Their was mair chance of Prince Harry coming oot as a cross dressing sheep worrier than The 'Senkie coming oot to attack. Still, after a 5-0 drubbing they received at Ipox, then that's their bag if they want to try and find a cure for insomnia wie their tactics.

Still, we were off form. Oor manager said: “The longer the game went on, the crowd get more nervous and the player’s seemed to get a bit nervous as well and the technical ability went down the longer the went on. It wasn’t brilliant to start with but obviously it went further down, so that was a problem. Another problem was giving the ball away in good positions and sometimes in areas where you thought was very safe." I'm willing to put money on this slackness in oor play was due the lack of threat posed fae The 'Senkie and a bout of illness caused by dodgy Danish bacon.

The game was won wie oor 2 most creative players, who both had games to forget, another game to forget for Shaun Maloney and he is racking up a few of them, combined to score. GS said: “We scored a smashing goal with a real good pass, that was his best pass (Nakamura) – it was a lovely pass- and to get the ball up and down with not too much pace on it and allow Shaun [Maloney] to make his run which he knew the only person that could play that pass was Nakamura, so if was coming from any other player I don’t think Shaun would have made that run."

Apart from the worry that oor last 3 domestic performances have been lacking the flair, a bit like the current fashion for tight fit jeans, shown earlier in the season but this could just be due to injuries and heavy legs catching up wie us.

But we can't really complain, as oor manager lays the truth cards on the table saying: "This run shows that we can deal with disappointment and injuries and win when we are not at our best. Also, in this run, we've had Champions League games, League Cup games and six players away with international teams a lot of times. So the players have had a lot to deal with recently." So, we have done not too badly then, Gordon?

Tims In Shorts

Like this blog, Artur Boruc has no friends. "I don't think that it's a good idea to make friends with people in football. There is no deep relationship between football players," said Artur. While the meeja like to peddle the myth that "the team that drinks together, wins together" bottomline is how many people actually socialise wie their workmates?

Anyway oor manager is not to bothered: "What he is saying that he doesn't mingle with the lads after training and I can understand that. By the looks of it, he has far better people to mingle with than some of the lads that are here (like big blondes who buy pints and snog him) and so I can understand why he wants to down the tools and get out of here as quickly as possible."

LoTW disnny socialise wie his workmates either. This is not his choice but it has mair to do wie his messy lunch habits and lack of hygiene.

Rumour O'Filter

In the Hail Hails the other evening, I mentioned Niall McGinn who plays for Celtic's Irish Feeder Club, Derry City. The 21 Norn Iron internationalist, he won't be  if he signs for us, said of being entered on the Transfer Database by John Park: "Celtic are obviously a big club and it is a great honour to discover that they are looking at me," he said. "It would be a great move. I was a M*nchester U*ited fan as a boy but Celtic were my Scottish team, so it is obviously something I would consider."

It is really nice to see that we are looking at the far flung markets of Europe. Wie the SSM saying: "We are looking at both quality and quantity. We have a track record of getting to a transfer window and coming out of it stronger." we are hoping that Celtic will notice Ryan Air do cheap flights to Poland and Sweden, not just Belfast and Dublin. 

Cauld day here. So it's time to get a nice wee drink of 7up and curl up in front of the fire and shout "Burchill and Moravcik".

Forza

Thanks to Number 7 fae KDS for the Paul Hartley Riverdance picture.