Ok.

"Feedthebeargate"

In the attempts to be seen as knowledgeable, I posted a question that I had the wrong answer for. Roy Aitken left Celtic on the 10th Jan 1990 for The Barcodes. This means, that when he came on as a sub for Ecosse against Diego Maradonas Argentina in March 1990 he was a Barcode player.

LoTW can only apologise for this oversight. Not that 99% of the readers bothered their arse to answer the question anyway. So, to make it easier for the 99% that didnae take part here is a wee highlights package, worth watching 24mins of pure Hoopy gold, to help you wie the last blogs teaser, which was name the starting 11 that won the league at Love Street in May 86.

**Looks smug wie himself as in no way will any of the 33 readers realise that, once again, he has posted a question he does not know the answer to and the video will help him**

Boruc Kills A Helen At Love Street

It was an easy victory, as my during game Hail Hails back up, but only one "incident" will make the headlines. The incident is here. It has been described by one of the beacons of bampottery for the pay-as-you-go generation as, as bad as Toni Schumacher in the 1982 World Cup. While it's not an audition for re-make of The Karate Kid, it's akin to a drunk bumping into a fellow drunk on Sauchiehall Street on a Saturday night. No malice just stupid.

Uncle Fester MacPherson was one of the first wie the massive over-reaction: "We are not complaining about goal-scoring opportunities or it being the last man, we are only talking about the challenge. If a centre-back or outfield player makes a challenge as crude as that, I think there would only be one outcome - we would all be expecting a red card." he moaned, I think, wieoot actually seeing the incident.

The Helen player who was on the end of the "bump", Craig Dargo, put a nail in the coffin of the accusations of a heid high tackle when he said: "He caught me on the top of my leg. I wasn't really trying to look at him too much because if I had seen him coming I would have pulled out of it a bit. If he had hit me full on I would have been in some pain."

There you go. While some are blaming Boruc for war in the Middle East, The Credit Crunch and Timmy Mallet being back on the telly, the player involved backs up the footage that the HG pulls out of the challenge before contact.

Jog on. Nothing to see or moan aboot.

Which is what GS did. "We played better than we did last week against Hamilton and we had to.We were fortunate we had players who can do magical things." said GS. 52% possession, 6 shots on and 7 off target, compared to The Helen's 1 shot on and 1 shot off shows how comfortable it was.

Goals from Samaras, a cracker from Naka and a tap in from Cillian Sheridan completed 11 wins in a row. We lost a stupid goal in the last minute to oor auld friend Jim Hamilton. Only blip on the day.

The manager beamed aboot Nakamura: “The second goal [by Nakamura] was magnificent, even the boys are talking about it just now and I thought he was fantastic all day. It was a day when it was grey and horrible and you didn’t expect that kind of performance but he gave us it all day.” He is on a great scoring run The Man From Japan and is 2nd top goalscorer for us, joint wie Skippy, after Samaras, who we are glad is back.

That is 19 goals we have scored in the final 30mins of games this season but we have also lost 11 in the same period. Seems oor games come to life then.

Winner Takes It All.

It's a fight to the death then. Winner takes all in Denmark. So, it's always nice when some big mouth from the other camp comes oot wie tosh like this: ""Celtic are not intimidating. I believe we will win against them. There was no player who was outstanding, on the contrary, I was more impressed by St Mirren who managed to get some great scoring chances. Celtic's defence is far from world class, and we will create many chances if we manage to keep the ball on the ground."

While being completely off the radar wie part of that comment, we have to agree oor defence is not world class. Compared to Aalborg BK's though it has lost 6 goals less in the Big Cup this season. A defence that has lost 11 goals in 4 games should mean easy pickings but wie oor record of only 1 goal in the Big Cup and only 11 shots on target and 15 off target, means that we might be trying to savage  the Danes wie a died gerbil. 

In terms of performances away from home, we have improved this season but that has been at the detriment of creating chances and scoring goals. In fact I would say the Big Cup has been a disappointment this season.

While the press and the bookies have forgotten that we huvnae won away fae home in the Big Cup and that we huvnae scored a goal away from home since December 2006 they make us favourites to win the UEFA Vase bun fight. They seem to have missed the ghost of Rosenburg that is slapping LoTW in the coupon.

We are now behind Aalborg BK in terms of possession, 46% and 43%, and also shots on and off target. The only stat we are in front of them wie is we have commited 69 fouls compared to their 60. But, Aalborg BK have lost 7 goals in the last 15mins before HT and 5 in the last 15 before FT. That suits oor strong goalscoring record in those periods.

The guid news for us is oor Hessellinkitis seems to be clearing up wie Aiden McGeady set to return.

"Aiden has a great chance. His calf injury is okay. He had a bit of tendonitis in the knee in the last couple of days but he came in yesterday and felt really good." said Neil Lennon, Celtic chief cone puter-outer, before the team flew oot.

He agrees wie LoTW's when he said: "It is a must win game for us. I think it will be a British style game. But we are in good form and we want to get that monkey off our back in terms of winning away from home". The winning away fae hame monkey means that I would take a draw in this game.

Aalborg BK have only lost to Man Utd and Getafe at home in Europe in the last 5 years. Though Celtic's record in Europe against Danes is decent, 7W 2D 2L, this is a tough tie just due to THAT away record. We have to treat it as a Scottish Cup tie against a team we have the guns to outgun. That team though, also fancy their chances at causing an upset.

Will we stick wie oor 4-2-3-1 formation that we played at Trafford Ball Park and El Madrigal or revert to a 4-4-2? Oor manager say's: "We try and attack everywhere we go so it will be no different and we will play the game as we see it" while mentioning slight injury concerns to Nakamura, Robson and Hartley.

The golden notebook needs all 3 to be on it. Esp Robson. He will need to add to his 14 fouls that he has already commited this season in the Big Cup. At least we are top of the Big Cup league in something.

It's nearly behind the couch time. Thoughts and fears, put them in the Hail Hails (you don't have to be logged in to comment), it's like a problem page for sad, lonely Tims worried aboot away Euro games. Dinny worry, last time we played on the 25th November, away from home, we drew wie Barca.

Forza

It's been one of those weeks. A week that has seen the world landscape change for the greater good, hopefully. Much to "Millwall Mobster" Steven Patrick Morrissey's delight American voted correctly and much to oor delight Celtic scored a goal in the Big Cup. Hurrah!!!!!

Matchday 4 produced some strange results. Roma beating The Chelsea Chavs, Bordeaux beating the richmans plaything FC Cluj, Anorthosis drawing wie Internazionale and FC Basel drawing wie Barca. It gave us hope for the visit of Team USA Utd. For us to get a result we had to tear ladyboy C-Ron limb from limb and feed him to the 'He-Wolf's' that roam the Campsies. We had to make El Paradiso hell for them.

It made the meeja's joab easier. They talk up the mythical Celtic Park atmosphere every single home game we play in the Big Cup. Tickets are sold on the back of this hype. People come from all over the globe to visit the beast of CP in the Big Cup. Yesterday, Celtic Park was turned into Euro Disney for fitba' fans.

The stage-managed product that Celtic put on is 2nd to none. Last night, we had some skinny bloke singing opera and I could hear the 'Auld Jungle' turning in it's grave when he started belting oot his dirge. The 'Auld Jungle' would have been also turning in his grave at the sight of 'Celtic fans' down the front of the stand trying to get autographs and taking pictures of Man Utd players.

I know this is just Murdochism at play. But.....we should have been making the Man Utd players feeling as unwelcome as a Hun in Manchester. The amount of half and half Celtic/Man Utd scarfs round necks also was a sickening sight.

If you want to see Ronaldo and Co go to the Trafford Ball Park. If you want to see them get brought doon a peg or two come to Celtic Park and shout and scream at the Bhoys in The Hoops as they do it.

Still, the banners are a joy. Only Liverpool in this country can match us on that front. The stage-managed PA tells us when and what to sing, new favourite is "Let The People Sing", a bastardised version from some chancers called The Malleys.

Once the PA goes quiet so does the crowd for long spells wieoot a tour guide like PA prompt to tell us when to sing. Last night, the off the cuff "Let The People Sing" after 82mins, which inspired Man Utd to score was the only time the spirit of the 'Auld Jungle" was alive and well. But Celtic by this time had another perfect Big Cup night to bum aboot and promote as the must have experience when trying to punt tickets.

Still, I can wonder what the stadium would be like if we had 60,000 singing instead of the usual 30,000 wie the other 30,000 too busy filming and taking pictures. Roll on Villarreal. We might get a few thousand who are interested in Celtic as some who were there last night will be Sky Tv upped watching Man Utd against Aalborg BK.

A 1-1 Humping.

You can't fault the effort, the energy, the pride or the sheer guts of the players last night. Oor manager quite rightly said: "You cannot play like that if you are not men". True, we dragged Man Utd down to oor level in the first half and they did not fancy it one little bit. They had to bring on the big guns to salvage a point but by that time we had run oor race.

"I tried to keep Scott McDonald, our most experienced striker on, but that wasn't possible so I had to go with my 7th choice striker and play 3 centre backs" huffed oor manager when trying to explain the 9-1-0 formation employed in the second half, a formation last seen scaring half decent mobs roond Govan way. The Strachan-naccio hopefully got it's one and only airing.

The manager while being happy wie the performance hit the nail on the heid. The nail that will bug Celtic fans from now to the end of time. "Trust me, if we had our full team, it would have been a far better game". Yes, we would have been able to make the changes that maybe would have seen us threaten the half way line in the second half and wouldn't have made oor performance in that period the most cringeworthy and frought in oor Big Cup history. I don't think I have EVER seen a mair one-sided second period. Oor players played wie guts but we can play wie more style.

So, if yer oot from behind the couch here is the stats. Celtic has 33% possession and 3 shots on goal and 3 shots wide. Man Utd had 8 shots on goal and 10 shots off, which is better than the 26 off target figure the big screen gave last night. They almost had double the possession as well and only the most bitter man would say they didnae deserve their point at least.

It is gutting to lose a goal as late in the game. After taking the lead through a cracking goal from Scott McDonald, an Artur Boruc gaff allowed Ryan Giggs, who forgot that we paid for his retirement, to score an equaliser. The most disappointing thing is the feeling that if we didnae have 7 first team players suffering from Hessellinkitis then we might have got all 3 points.

Bottomline? The boiler suits of the group will battle it oot for a UEFA Vase place while Man Utd get measured for an Armani get up for a possible trip to Rome in May. Point was decent right enough then.

A Motherwell Hangover.

We will suffer one. Motherwell arrive at CP on Saturday looking to make it 2 wins in a row in Glesga's East End.

They are on a decent run of form that has seen them win 4 out of the last 5. Chris Porter seems to be on-fire wie 3 goals in his last 2 games. Celtic are unbeaten domestically in 7 and are scoring and creating chances, which is at odds wie oor European form and also at odds wie oor injury crisis.

Who plays is dependant on who is not suffering from 'Running-after-better-players-ouch'. Oor midfield worked their wee hoopy socks off and up front Cillian Sheridan and Scott McDonald chased and harried all night wie not much success. How we lift oorselves after Man Utd is the major problem in this game.

The managers golden notebook might be thinking changes. Massimo Donati might be looking to his first league start this season alongside Scott Brown. Paul Hartley will maybe get the chance to wear a warm tracksuit but how a couple of the unmagnificent 7 recover from their respective Hessellinkisms will surely shape the managers thinking.

Will Naka be seen after his Killie-Ouch episode? Is it true the Holy Goalie is now oot for a month wie dodgy-keeper-knee-ouch? Remember, remember the last time he was oot for a length of time?

Ex-Playerism? Skippy. 2 goals against his former club since he made a move to the guid guys. Jim O'Brien has struggled for games and form since his move to the junior darkside.

Shaun Maloney has 3 Celtic career goals against Motherwell including one already this season. What makes this game hard to predict is oor injuries and how up for it we are. Motherwell on a decent run are a decent side but us fully focused and wie a full team are also a very decent side.

Ok, 2-1 victory. Scott Brown will score and, again, we will score from a set play just like we have done in the last 4 games.

Forza

Thanks to the Green Brigade and Number 7 from KDS for the pics.

Yawn. Poor 2nd half, 'The Boys Of The Old Brigade' and Celtic fans wearing poppies were the main topics of conversation in Celticcybertimdom today. So I'm glad that The Guardian decided to publish a bit of comedy gold to stop me shaking my heid at my own today.

The sub headline say's it all for me. "With the return of Bawwy(8), Rangers have midfield strength Celtic can only dream about". It goes on to cream it's pants over the return of the most overrated player since Ian Durrant, and also one that husnae got a surname, pours petrol on the myth that is Scotland's Player Of The Year, Pedro Mendes and mentions Maurice Edu a player last seen playing hide and seek in an Austrian basement wie Andreas Velicka.

I'm sure the lackie that wrote this found great solace in the performance of Barry Robson, Paul Hartley, Scott Brown and Shaun Maloney against Hearts and never noticed that we were missing Aiden McGeady, Nakamura or hamstring-ouched Marc Crosas while pondering what he wrote.

Oh The Wee Huns Are Boomsung.

Hearts current incumbent and Bond Villian lookalike, Csaba Laszlo, who is not as hateable as other incumbents they have had, said before the game that it would take Heart Of Lithuiania 10 tiltles and a Big Cup win to be able to say they could compete wie Celtic. After the game that looked as likely as him being in a job by the end of the season.

Csaba did do us a favour. After Hearts went doon to 10 men- dodgy decision, Scott McDonald was ootside the box and offside so Paul Hartley taking pity and missing the resultant pen meant justice was done then evened up when Barry Robson was brought doon for a stonewaller later on, which was not given- he decided to make subs, which bordered on the laughable. This mean't that the 2nd half was played at snail pace as Celtic had their most comfortable afternoon at the Tynecastle Apartments for years.

Celtic, won 2-0 thanks to goals by Shaun Maloney, another goal of the season contender and a Gary Caldwell goal, which looked like it contained 2 handballs and a ball being out of play. Csaba said of the winning goal: " When I saw it again, it showed a hand being used but I'm not criticising the M.I.B, it was hard for him to see" unlike the media who are lynching the M.I.B for this decision.

The manager went for power and brought in the warhorses of Barry Robson and Paul Hartley who proved once again when it becomes a battle these SPL boilersuit wearers are the ones to be wheeled oot. Upfront, Scott McDonald was paired wie Craig Beattiealike Cillian Sheridan who ran around and eh, ran around.

Still, the stats don't back up the comfortable view of this victory. Celtic had their worst shot on target total since we last dared to play in the Big Cup wie 3. We were Lee Naylor off like wie 5 shots off goal and oor possession was a low 52.3%. Suppose this backs up the FACT the game was won by 49mins when Hearts went doon to 10.

Talking point of the day? The Wee Huns banner that said "Big Jock Beasted Hoopy" and was signed "F.T.P". Bob Malcolm is in the frame for this. Also, the questionable, in some quarters, singing that followed the removal of this banner by the vocal away support. The anti-rebel and pro-rebel brigades are on the warpath again. Wonder if Celtic or the SPL will say anything regarding this incident, which will take the focus away from a disgusting banner.

I hope the day Hearts cease to be is quite soon.  

Who The Fuck Are Man Utd?

"They are the best team in the world, they are far better than Italy or France", said oor manager showing disregard  for football's rules. Also, France are quite gash at the mo. More worryingly he rejoiced when talking aboot oor visit to Trafford Ball Park: "West Brom lost 4, Hull lost 4 and West Ham should have been 7 down by half time, so we are in good company".

I would rather be in better company than those relegation haunted vessels.

As usual the mythical home record of played 18, W12, D4 and L2 gets trotted oot and commented on from such no-mark rent-a-quote-money-grabbers like Lou Macari. He says: "Just as in the case of Celtic's poor away form in Europe, their home record is there for all to see" and just proving he knows he haw aboot the Celtic support on Big Cup nights: "If Celtic are playing against a team they are expected to beat and they struggle a bit, the fans get tetchy, but against Man Utd the fans will cheer them on all night" yes, until we lose the ball or don't hump it forward every 5 seconds.

Trying to look on the positive side on things, unlike the last time when oor manager decided to run up the whiteflag before a ball was kicked, he says regarding oor 29mins on competing at the Trafford Ballpark: "Everyone in the United camp said that it wasn't easy for them, it was hard work. They couldn't find a way through and Artur didn't have a shot at him"

We need to compete. A draw is a great result and could be required if Aalborg BK decide that they fancy their chances against Villarreal. A point could be vital if the race for the UEFA Vase spot. We can't let oor heids go doon if we go a goal behind we have got to make a game of it. Barry Robson nails it when he says: "We need to make sure we do get in their faces when we come out the traps and try and use our ability to the best we can to cause an upset"

Get them doon to oor level and see if they fancy it. Robson, Hartley and Brown will get dusted doon for this and the manager maybe feeling Shaun Maloney will be better alongside him on the bench for this one. Aiden and Naka will expect to play and Scott McDonald is a shoo in for a 1 up front role.

Nae respect, nae pack drill.

Oor task is huge. We don't create chances in the Big Cup. We are the only team not to score in this seasons competition, a stat that is Hun like, and Famagusta, Roma, Aalborg BK, Kiev and Bate, have equal or less than oor 8 shots on goal stat. Man Utd have yet to concede a goal in the Big Cup this season.

Set plays again anyone? We have scored from corners in oor last 3 outings. Stats show we willnae get many chances we require Naka to be on form and whip in dangerous set plays. Oor record at El Paradiso against English teams is decent. W4, D2 and L1 wie the loss coming to Notts Forest. Team USA United have only been beaten once on Scottish soil.

It's the hope that kills you but I fancy we will compete and sneak a 1-1 draw. Barry Robson will get on the end of a set play as he seems to score in big games.

Rumour O'Filter

The SSM, Peter Lawell came oot and said "We are in the business of winning championships, not cashing in on players. That means Nakamura is staying with us". He mumbled something aboot buying in January as well.

Gordon Strachan was heard to laugh at the thought of us signing a left-back, when 34yo Sylvinho was mentioned to him. Get a grip was his reaction.

Big week. I canny handle anymair south of the border gloating or the London Mancs being smug gits on Wednesday night. Let's get stuck in. Leave a Hail Hail (c'mon I know you want to), if you want to leave me a message my profile page is here and the Celtic hame page is here.

Forza

I don't know what was worse. Watching oor meek, painful defeat to Team USA United or the news from El Madrigal that oor fellow UEFA Vase contenders, Aalborg BK, were beating Villarreal 2-1. How could a team that is worse than us go to Villarreal and frighten the yellow shit oot of them?

The stats show that Aalborg BK scored wie 3 of their 4 shots on goal while Villarreal scored 6 of their 14 attempts on targets. Lesson? Take yer chances.

Tuesday night's Big Cup games saw a record equaling 36 goals scored. The result's this week have proved that the Big 8, or the top 4, well the 4 that can win the Big Cup- Inter Milan, Chelsea, Man Utd and Real Madrid- are stretching away from the middle order of European chaff. While the middle order can each beat other on any given day they, disnny matter if yer Dutch, Scottish, Portugese, Romanian or Greek, canny compete against the best.

Celtic need to aim to be the best of that middle order. How do we do that? By winning away from against these teams, starting wie Aalborg BK who today sacked their manager. Their director of fitba', Lynge Jabokson said: " Qualification for the Champions League was a success, but we have to say that our results in SAS Ligaen have not been satisfactory and only finishing above Celtic is not acceptable,".

Howelse do we get to the top of the middle order? Replace Stan Petrov wie the new Stan Petrov and not Paul Hartley. And don't knockback the chance to sign Romainian internationlists due to money issues.

Man Against Bhoys.

I'm fed up of the modern day Big Cup. Hearing the Mancs take the pish, then having to put up wie days of meeja based drivel that is condesending at it's best. Problem is, that I could not have asked anymair of any of the 14 players that took the field and that is the soul destroying thing.

Yes, maybe some players could have played better but getting slapped in the face wie the wet kipper that said relegation threatened Fulham level makes you think we are as deluded as an average Newcastle fan.

Still we competed for 20 odd minutes. That gives us hope. It all went pear-shaped when Sulky Offside Berbatov scored, then the Sulky Offside Berbatov scored again and then the in-form Wayne Rooney compounded oor night wie the third.

The stats say it all. 59% possession for Man Utd. 6 shots on and 8 shots off target. Not quite Villarreal standard but Aalborg BK are worse than us. We had 2 shots on, Aiden McGeady and Gary Caldwell, and 2 shots off target. We never threatened in the 2nd period and we wanted the whistle to blow after 51mins.

Pass marks to Mick McManus, Gary Caldwell and Scott Brown, who resembled an SPL Paul Scholes and is surely now winning over the doubters.

Oor manager, who looked as fed up as LoTW, said: "That's the best side we have played", does he not remember Clyde?, "We kept taking punches and 2 or 3 of or players must have been pleased, but there were 2 or 3 who wouldn't have been. It's a wake up call for all of our players: if you want to play at a top level then that's what you are aiming for"

Was that a dig at a certain player who is courting midtable Aston Villa.?

The player who is courting midtable Aston Villa said of the return leg: "..we always play differently at home than away so we will more of a chance of beating them". Only if we ensure that we present Berbatov's heid on a stick, Ronaldo's left leg in a meat pie and Wayne Rooney's torso in the North Stand after 5 mins.

Gary Caldwell's New Contract.

Ok, the bar-room rumourmonger who told me Gary Caldwell didnae expect a new contract was talking oot his erchie. All I will say it's a sad state of affairs when yer snout gives you false information given the nature of him and the players relationship.

The future Celtic captain said aboot Man Utd: " We can't hideaway and crumble. We've got to be men and comeback from this".

Whether he won't hide and crumble in the midfield role vacated by Paul Hartley remains to be seen. But we have activated the year option and a higher wage bracket will soon be in Caldwell's wage packet. Is it a sign of the times that I'm quite pleased aboot this?

The Bhoy Named Deek.

Returns this Saturday. Ex-Playerism is alive and well this week. Seems, for me, that the chance that he will score is as odds on as Alex Rae winning an ugly competition. Deek, some say he never got the chance wie us others say he never took the chance.

I reckon he never had the ability to make it at a big club and big fish at a small time club is his thing. He will score in the SPL, when that is his one and only remit but ask him to improve his all round game and he becomes the lesser-spotted Riordan last seen in the nightclubs of Leith.

Hibs, have taken 7 points from 12 on the road this season. Their last outing saw them draw wie bankruptcy threatened Hearts and playing a 4-3-3 formation. Whether they will stick wie this formation for the trip to an inform Celtic who are unbeaten, domestically, in 5 is another question.

Celtic, last week continued their run of winning games when they have scored the opening goal but the performance left a lot to be desired. Up front we are still struggling and after Scott McDonalds performances in the last 7 days a decent shout for Cillian Sheridan to start could be met wie a decent show of hands if oor manager asked the masses.

Rotation will play it's part. Wie Marc Crosas oot for a month wie hamstring knack, Paul Hartley and Massimo Donati will be looking to be included in the golden notebook of tactics. A Saturday off for the tired Nakamura to start his January packing may also be in order.

A dodgy 2-0 victory wie McManus scoring seems a decent bet. Hibs, in their last 6 visits have managed 2 draws. Not a bad record and one that should ensure we don't take this game lightly.

Freestyle Football.

Ok, you remember the wee show-off that used to do keepie uppies doon the park on a Sunday morning? You know the one, he never played for anyone because in Scotland getting mair than 2 touches of the ba' before an 18 stone hungover fullback gave you 12 stud marks on your lower torso is the normal proceedure.

Well, OleOle have their own page called Freestyle Football. Some great video's on there and I can safely say that LoTW is not showing off his vast football skill in any of them. I'm still trying to pick out Puma Match studs from my thigh.

Hail Hails are open. Leave a comment. It's free and you don't have to be logged in.

Forza

You know the scene at the end of 'The Wickerman'? Where Edward Woodward is lured up a cliff to be burned by a pagen cult who dance aboot naked? Well, I think Ian Brines fancied that was going to happen to him if he went against the longboat burning, haggis eating, virgin blood drinking Ross Tokelyites on Saturday.

He turned a blind eye to a sending off and numerous other assualts. He dished oot cards like fake money at a pikey wedding to Celtic players for minor misdemeaners. He tried his best to get 'Senkie a point by given numerous free kicks in the last 15mins around the box for minor fouls as the lumbering Glenn Loovens found that looking at 'Senkie players was deemed freekickable.

But we got the 3 points and Ian Brines can turn to other M.I.B and say "I tried my best". "Ian Brines, we know your a Hun" sang the fantastic away support. Too true.

3 points, Move on, Nothing To See Here....

Injuries, jetlag and just off-formness can be attributed to this poor performance. Oor manager went for a square peg in a roundhole solution wie the lumbering but willing Glenn Loovens giving a performance at right back that proves he is not a right back.

We started in a 4-2-3-1 formation, wie Scott McDonald in the loan frontman role. Barry Robson was asked to support rather than Scott Brown as 'Hesselinkitis' crippled the squad. The system failed wie the manager saying: "We were hoping the system we were playing with, 3 up front and 2 wide, would allow us to pass our way through but conditions weren't right for the passing game, so we had to play closer together"

In the 2nd period we did go longer. Our goals came in the best period of the game. Scott Brown scored first, his first goal since Gretna at home in December, and Glenn Loovens proved he is as dangerous in the oppenents box as he is in oors wie the second 10mins later. Still, it widnae be trip to the 'Senkie wieoot us giving away a bad goal and having a nailbitting last 20mins.

Celtic weighed in wie 61% possession, a stat that should have been around 80% if we had kept the ba' better. 61% possession in an away game should mean we dominated and that coupled wie 6 shots on target should back that up. But it doesn't. Artur made 3 decent saves from the 3 shots the 'Senkie had on target and we were just glad to get away 3 points.

It came at a cost. Oor lost body count is up there wie Harald Shipmans wie Gary Caldwell and Marc Crosas picking up injuries. The thought of going to Trafford Ball Park wie Loovens and McManus as a pairing is enough to gie the maist upbeat Celtic fan nightmares.

Wanted: A Centre Forward That Can Play A Loan Role?

Gulp. We don't need no-marks, the kind that get dragged oot for EVERY Celtic v Man Who game, like Lou Macari telling us, in a squeaky voice that: "..it could have been 3,4 or 5 the way they defend that night" when talking aboot us at Villarreal. We don't need racist Ron Atkinson bloating from his lilo in Malaga: "Real Madrid would find it hard at Old Trafford". We know.

Oor manager talks aboot: "...a team that can keep the ball and be a threat at Old Trafford". Wieoot Jan Vennegoor Of Hesselink and Georgios Samaras oor two only middle order European class strikers then the chances of us threatening Man Who is aboot as likely as toothless tiger sucking you to death. Scott McDonald is not suited to the loan role, which Jan and Sammy can play. Oor Big Cup away blueprint has been ripped up before the game has started. Oor manager needs to decide if ex-Gaelic footballer Cillian Sheriden, 2 years since he stopped running wie the ball in his hands or Ben Hutchison, ex-Middlesborough reserve, are ready for a 20 or 30 minute shift.

Man Who have only lost to AC Milan in the Big Cup, at home, in the last 7 years. They have scored 3 goals in the Big Cup this season, average possession 48% and have had 15 shots on target and 21 wide. Celtic have scored 0 goals in the Big Cup, average 49% possession, 27mins compared to Man Who 31mins, and have had 6 shots on target and 10 wide. Man Utd have not conceeded a goal in the Big Cup this season.

Anyone watching them against WBA on Saturday hoping for any chink of hope would have left disappointed. The thought of Rooney running in from wide areas, Berbatov floating between the centre backs and just the pace they play at will mean it's a behind the couch 90mins.

Demento Ferguson said, inbetween a finest malt, : "I don't think Celtic will attack, they will sit in and try and nick something". Gary Neville, maybe, shows how we might get a result wie this wisdom: " But I don't go along with all this Scotland v England stuff. It doesn't get me wound up, I think that is something the Celtic fans will be thinking about"

Utter boomsung. I couldnae care that it's Scotland v England. It's about the arrogance shown by all commentators who favour Man Who. If we get a result in this double heider it will be the BIGGEST result in oor managers tenure. It would be great to ram it right up Demento, Talksport, The BBC, ITV, Lou Macari, Ron Atkinson, Andy Townsend, Kevin Webster and Richard Keys. It would make those who slag the Scottish game sit up and take notice.

Chances of that happening though are as slim as Hitler getting the nobel peace prize for his work wie the Jewish in the 2nd World War.

Rumour O'Filter ALERT.

The Daily Mirror reports that Aiden McGeady will be subjected to a "10m swoop" for UEFA Vase contenders Aston Villa. While being subjected to a swoop sounds as painful as trapping yer gonads in yer zip they quote a source, who was standing ootside the dole office that morning: "Aiden loves playing against the best in Europe but feels it maybe time to move on". He continued after taking a drag from his fag: " He is aware of interest from, relegation haunted, Newcastle and Sunderland in the past. But the fact that, midtable haunted, Aston Villa are now keane may appeal to him"

Oor tie up wie Barcelona seems to be interesting their reserve players. Ex Arsenal full back Sylvinho, 34yo, tells the Daily Mail that he is looking to top up his pension: "If there was an official offer and we could agree terms, I would be very excited about a move to Glasgow"

Jeffren Betty Suarez is also looking to do a Crosas. He beamed to Sky Sports News: "I have some chances to play for Celtic and it would be an excellent destination". The wingers agent, who doubles as his father said while looking for his 15%: "We have spoken with Barca and they accept he can leave".

Paddy McCourt Better Than McGeady

The excellent 101 Great Goals gave me a chuckle this weekend. When posting a link to the excellent Paddy McCourts first Celtic goal, he was described as "Paddy McCourt, the starlet described as having more talent than Aiden McGeady". Despite the fact that Paddy is 4 years older than Aiden. Suppose when Aiden leaves to sit on the bench at midtable haunted Aston Villa we have a replacement.

Right, gulp, arrrrrraaaaggghhh. Man Who in the Big Cup. Hail Hails are opening for yer thoughts and fears. 

Forza

With Man Utd and Villarreal disappearing of into the sunset, to the knockoot stages of the Big Cup, leaving Celtic and Aalborg to have a bun fight for the UEFA Vase place, Celtic's travel sickness reached plague proportions. The reaction of the Celtic support to the expected defeat has been one of non-plussedness. It was an expected defeat, Villarreal are a decent side and it's no disgrace to loss there and we played ok. There was no gross over-reaction.

Have we given up hope of EVER winning away from home in the Big Cup or have we just accepted oor place in the European middle order?

XXXX, Tennents and South American Wine

Scott McDonald when he is not sitting on the bench, bemoaning that he was last seasons Georgios Samaras, is usually found drinking XXXX and having a fag wie his pal Alf, who works in a pub in Edinburgh, like most Aussies. He must have been drinking XXXX before he gave this interview. He says..

 "But there was a lot of encouragement to take from the game, that's probably the most we've created in an away game since I've been here.”

...forgetting the 27 shots Villarreal had on goal but, I think, or I hope he was only comparing them to Milan and Donestk from last season.

He then confirms that he has been on the drink...

“We are bottom of the table with Aalborg, due to drawing with them at home. That's not good but there are still another four games remaining which is a long way to go and it's certainly not over."

...by forgetting oor poor away record and the fact that we have Man Utd in a double heider coming up.

Mick McManus when not captaining Celtic, Scotland or making Gary Caldwell look like a player, is usually found drinking Tennents in Bamboo. He also must have been drinking when he tried to make us believe that we would go and get a result at Old Trafford.

 "We have taken just one point from our first two games but we will go to Old Trafford looking for a result."

But...it is nice to see the players have taken a bit of confidence from the defeat. It's also nice to see them do their bit to boost the flagging Big Cup ticket packages sales by saying we are still in it.

Manuel Pellegrini when not managing teams to 2nd place in La Liga, is usually drinking a fine South American red in his Costa Blanca Villa overlooking Benidorms biggest waterpark. He was also as pished as a Spanish tramp when he said this...

“I thought it was very strange that Celtic played so defensively. They made it easier for us because they chose not to attack."

...he is talking about the same Celtic team that played a 4-2-3-1 formation that contained Nakamura, Aiden McGeady, Shaun Maloney and Georgios Samaras?

Dundee, Hamilton..... 

Hamilton roll into the unfortress like CP on Saturday. It's the first time the teams have met since a 1-0 Diddy Cup victory for Celtic in August 1990. The last time Hamilton were in the SPL, 1988/89, it was the auld Premier League and pre-Lex Gold, and we gave them some gubbings. There is a 7-2 and 8-0. Plus the expected 2-0 defeat to them that the 1989 team were guid at doing. 

They have an impressive 9 points for a team tipped, by me, to be relegated by Santa time but have lost their last 2 league games against Hibs and then Falkirk. Inbetween those defeats they beat Motherwell 2-1 in the Diddy Cup but everyone is beating Motherwell.

They seem to be an attacking side and have a possible 'Futureplayerism' wie James McCarthy whose big move to us or Liverpool did not quite come off. He is a whooping 17-2 to score at anytime during the game.

Celtic will be looking not to suffer a post-Big Cup hangover. Changes will be made. Gary Caldwell will come back in for Glenn Loovens and we may see starts for Jan Vennegor and Marc Crosas. Wie Shaun Maloney and Nakamura not looking their usual selves, they may be 'rested'.

For me Aiden McGeady to score at anytime and a repeat of the 4-0 scoreline that we got against Livingston would make it a happy weekend.

Pishing In A Fish Tank

We haven't had a Hail Hail of the week for a while. Still there is no prize for this apart from the kudos you will get doon the pub when you tell yer mates. So there was a clear winner this week. It came when Mark Viduka lookalike 'Seven' said...

"only criticisms i'd have of strachan would be starting maloney, naka and aiden was too attacking."

..there you have it. A Celtic Fan bemoaning us being attacking. He should go for a beer wie Mr Pellegrini.

Oh The Irony 

I found it quite bemusing that Spurs fans have been reported for alledged 'racist' and 'homophobic' chanting. For a club that is the butt of racist abuse, due to their heritage it seems a bit off. If true.

Also, are The Huns also going to add the 2008 UEFA Vase to the 1992 Big Cup that they have won by default?

So that's it. I'm off to bemoan the fact that in 'Heroes' the character, the cheerleader, disnny wear the cheerleader uniform anymair, which is a shame.

Forza

It's going to be one of those "I remember where I was moments". It will be up a Lisbon moment for my generation. So, I hope I don't die before I get auld as when the 'moment' happens I will be prone to weeing maself and forgetting ma name.

Celtic, as predicted, continued their speedy exit from the Big Cup wie a 1-0 defeat against Villarreal in the fortress that is the lego inspired El Madrigal. The highlights are here (thanks to 101 Great Goals) and you will see that we had 3 decent chances, wie Georgios Samaras missing the best one just before HT and in the 2nd period we were under the cosh, saved by Artur Boruc, as Villarreal upped the tempo and destroyed us down the right flank.

Marcos Senna scored the winner from softly awarded free kick. The Villarreal player went down very easily, as they did all night, remember they spoke up how phsyical we would be?, but the truth of the matter is, no matter how much space Artur Boruc gave Senna to aim at, just the same as he gave Celtic, Dundee Utd and Wolves reject Charlie Mulgrew to aim at on Saturday, Villarreal would have scored in that period of domination.

In the second period we just could not handle Senna and Santi Cazorla, no matter how often Scott Brown clattered and closed them doon. We struggled and now that away win seems so far off that we should ask Gordon Brown to bail out this auld failing institution. 1 point out of 48 in CL away games. 1 draw in 18 games. 37 goals lost in those games. We have not scored away from home in a CL group game since Copenhagan. Under oor current incumbent Villarreal can be added to Bratislava, Manchester, Lisbon (twice), Milan (twice), Cophenhagan, Barca, Moscow and Donestk as places we have failed to win.

Not that oor manager didn't try. The first impression that he was commiting the biggest career suicide since Oasis released 'Be Here Now' wie a 4-2-3-1 formation, which included Aiden McGeady, Shaun Maloney and Nakamura. It was an attacking formation one that as was less anti-fitba' and more Kamakazi fitba'. 

The fact that it worked for 55mins against a quality team is as bemusing as Radiohead releasing that album of Thom Yorke farting for 55mins and getting praised for it. Still, no matter how well we played that stats will still show a defeat and that Villarreal had 27 shots at goal and 63% possession.

But...oor manager has taken positives oot of it. And so he should. Anyone today that gie's the manager a shread of abuse has took their Anti-Strachanism to new heights or a new low. The manager said... "I asked the lads for a performance - forget about the results - and the performance for the first 55 minutes said, 'Yes, you belong at this level'."....now all Timdom hope that we can get it nearer 90mins and that he takes this 4-2-3-1 formation into domestic games.

Over on the chip on the shoulder camp, Gary Caldwell moans about the cheating barstewards and the soft freekick award. He also makes the point, that was made in the Hail Hail's last night, when he says....“They are very clever, they go down very easily at times and it’s something that we have to learn. “We have to do it in their half, to get those free-kicks to give us breathing space.”....yes, we should becoming cheating barstewards and play them at their own game. I also want us to highlight the diving before games just like Villarreal did by saying we were going to be physical.

Also, word has reached LoTW, via a person close to him, via a man at the end of a bar, via a chance bumping into the said man in the bookies, that Gary Caldwell does not expect to be a Celtic next season. No further details but the story is he does not expect a new contract to be forthcoming.

Lots to talk aboot. We are in the UEFA Vase place in the group. A double heider wie Man Utd coming up and the likely outcome that we will need to go to Denmark and win to ensure European Fitba' after the bloke in the big red suit has been.

So, leave a Hail Hail, even ones about pishing in fish tanks are allowed and you don't need to be logged in to do it.

Forza

A good week to you all. A week that begins wie us having a typical Celticesq last minute victory against Aberdeen and we will probably see a typical Celticesq Big Cup away performance in the El Madrigal, which should confirm oor interest in the Big Cup ending.

Still, the decent and the brilliant couldn't last as Celtic turned in a so-so performance meaning a game that should have been over by half time was not won until the last minute and even then 2 points could have still been dropped if Darren Mackie had scored for Aberdeen in injury time when he was through one on one wie Artur Boruc. But he missed. Hurraaaah.

I haven't seen footage of the Fake Tanned Orange Tinged Turnip reaction at this miss but I'm sure somewhere in Celticcybertimdom this footage will be kicking around. Football always has characters that you wish to see suffer. Yesterday, watching Sally McCunist on the touchline wie his shorts on looking like a buffon you just wanted to punch him. On Saturday the G.I.R.U.Y factor was tenfold due to the last minute winner and the fact that the Fake Tanned Orange Tinged Turnip was on the touchline to see this.

Celtic took the lead when Jan Vennegoor scored (here) the opener, an untidy goal that should have been cleared but then, Celtic, Dundee Utd and Wolves reject Charlie Mulgrew proved that you should always beware returning playerism wie 2 goals to put Aberdeen 2-1 up.

In a weekend that Defoe scored against Spurs and Kenny Misser scored against Hibs- 4 goals in under a month must be a record for the money-grabbing wee shit- and he has also scored against us, the thought that if you have a spare half shilling then backing ex-playerism could win you money.

LoTW reckons that Derek Riordan will score against us when Hibs visit CP in a few weeks, Scott Brown will probably score in that game as well, Berbatov will open his Man Utd account when they play Spurs, ditto wie Robbie Keane for Liverpool and what's the chances of Peter Crouch scoring against Liverpool. So if you want to lose money, yer home, yer wife and weans that ex-playerism is worth a punt.

Back to the game. Aiden McGeady and Scott McDonald had been brought on and both pulled us out of the mire. Scott McDonald scored wie a back post heider (here) after an Aiden McGeady cross and Jan Vennegoor kept his record of scoring in the last minute against Aberdeen going when he scored the winner (here) after a great ball from Aiden.

3 points and a victory. Fair play to the manager. He changed the formation to a 4-3-3 when needed, one of the major griped of the anti-Strachanites is he won't change his 4-4-2, and he used his subs well. Still, he was unusally blunt wie his post match comments. He said....

“We didn’t defend well enough but right after the match is not the time to speak to players about that. It’s best to wait a day or two because the dressing room can be a difficult place right after the final whistle. "

.....yes, school boy defending was the cause of this humdinger of a finish. Those who were shouting for Glenn Loovens to get a run will look at his 3-legged elephant who had been shot in the arse wie a big feck off dart type performance and should maybe see the ghost of Rafael Scheidt coming into view. Hopefully the bigman will learn from this welcome to the SPL beasting from Lee Miller but how we missed Gary Caldwell. 

Onto the Big Cup. Villarreal away. A club that doesn't get beat at home in UEFA competition. Celtic have not scored away from home in 4 games and in that spell I don't think we have had a shot on target never mind threatening to get a result. On top of oor terrible Champs League away record we have suffered 8 defeats out of 11 games when we have played in Spain, the other 3 being draws.

Still confident?

Still at least the Villarreal players have showed they are game for a laugh. Man Utd reject, Giuseppe Rossi- who will score for Villarreal against Man Utd- says that Celtic are a team to be feared as Massimo Donati doesn't get a game for us. Joking aside, the article mentions we will play a physical game, I suppose the Scottish style is more physical and that oor away record is poor but that shouldn't come into it.

Mark Wilson talks about the pre-season game in Porto when we stole a 1-0 victory. If the game is like that one then we will be behind the couch for long spells. Wilson will start wie Andy Hinkel injured and will have to be at the top of his game as the nightmare Big Joos had in Porto a few years back is the blueprint for a fullback how not to play the game.

I'm sure the manager will talk some sense in this afternoons press conference. His decisions will centre on his formation and who plays in the middle of the park. Will Barry Robson be fit enough to play, will Paul Hartley come in to sit deep, is Jan Vennegoor the man to play the lone frontman role wie Shaun and Sammy supporting from the flanks or will Aiden get the nod wie Sammy being the lone frontman?

Lots to think about.

So, a happy Monday to all LoTWites. We may have a sore Tuesday night and a moody Wednesday blog.

Forza