I would not usually be up for giving the opening blog gambit to a Huns goal. Whitesnake, Def Leppard, yes, but LoTW, today is breaking from the Status Quo.

So, yesterday, as Wallie Nosurnames Army were still showing signs of an European hangover, which has plagued them since August, by losing another domestic away game, at least Europa Golden Boot Contender, Kris Boydchenko, showed that he could still entertain the masses in times of trouble.

After claiming credit for the own goal, Kris showed that he is in training for the 2012 Olympics wie a 'Roly Poly' dive, which induced an earthquake in Korea due to Boydchenkos Monster Munch enhanced frame crashing onto the turf.

If, them getting beat wisnny funny enough, we should gie Boydchenko a big, HURRAH, for his encore. It's almost as funny as Roy Keanes beard. Almost.

A Snooze To 12 In A Row

Celtic, showed what Europa willnae be missing after Christmas, wie a performance that was mair Celtic December 2007 than Brazil 1970, wie a 1-0 victory over The 'Senkie wie a goal fae Shaun Maloney after 29 mins. For those that are avid 'Celtic Watchers" the worry that we are returning to the form, or the lack off form, that saw Decemeber 2007 a month to forget, is something to suck on like a week old, Worthers Original that has been stuck to yer couch.

We have to hope that the teams we face are mair open than The 'Senkie were yesterday. Their was mair chance of Prince Harry coming oot as a cross dressing sheep worrier than The 'Senkie coming oot to attack. Still, after a 5-0 drubbing they received at Ipox, then that's their bag if they want to try and find a cure for insomnia wie their tactics.

Still, we were off form. Oor manager said: “The longer the game went on, the crowd get more nervous and the player’s seemed to get a bit nervous as well and the technical ability went down the longer the went on. It wasn’t brilliant to start with but obviously it went further down, so that was a problem. Another problem was giving the ball away in good positions and sometimes in areas where you thought was very safe." I'm willing to put money on this slackness in oor play was due the lack of threat posed fae The 'Senkie and a bout of illness caused by dodgy Danish bacon.

The game was won wie oor 2 most creative players, who both had games to forget, another game to forget for Shaun Maloney and he is racking up a few of them, combined to score. GS said: “We scored a smashing goal with a real good pass, that was his best pass (Nakamura) – it was a lovely pass- and to get the ball up and down with not too much pace on it and allow Shaun [Maloney] to make his run which he knew the only person that could play that pass was Nakamura, so if was coming from any other player I don’t think Shaun would have made that run."

Apart from the worry that oor last 3 domestic performances have been lacking the flair, a bit like the current fashion for tight fit jeans, shown earlier in the season but this could just be due to injuries and heavy legs catching up wie us.

But we can't really complain, as oor manager lays the truth cards on the table saying: "This run shows that we can deal with disappointment and injuries and win when we are not at our best. Also, in this run, we've had Champions League games, League Cup games and six players away with international teams a lot of times. So the players have had a lot to deal with recently." So, we have done not too badly then, Gordon?

Tims In Shorts

Like this blog, Artur Boruc has no friends. "I don't think that it's a good idea to make friends with people in football. There is no deep relationship between football players," said Artur. While the meeja like to peddle the myth that "the team that drinks together, wins together" bottomline is how many people actually socialise wie their workmates?

Anyway oor manager is not to bothered: "What he is saying that he doesn't mingle with the lads after training and I can understand that. By the looks of it, he has far better people to mingle with than some of the lads that are here (like big blondes who buy pints and snog him) and so I can understand why he wants to down the tools and get out of here as quickly as possible."

LoTW disnny socialise wie his workmates either. This is not his choice but it has mair to do wie his messy lunch habits and lack of hygiene.

Rumour O'Filter

In the Hail Hails the other evening, I mentioned Niall McGinn who plays for Celtic's Irish Feeder Club, Derry City. The 21 Norn Iron internationalist, he won't be  if he signs for us, said of being entered on the Transfer Database by John Park: "Celtic are obviously a big club and it is a great honour to discover that they are looking at me," he said. "It would be a great move. I was a M*nchester U*ited fan as a boy but Celtic were my Scottish team, so it is obviously something I would consider."

It is really nice to see that we are looking at the far flung markets of Europe. Wie the SSM saying: "We are looking at both quality and quantity. We have a track record of getting to a transfer window and coming out of it stronger." we are hoping that Celtic will notice Ryan Air do cheap flights to Poland and Sweden, not just Belfast and Dublin. 

Cauld day here. So it's time to get a nice wee drink of 7up and curl up in front of the fire and shout "Burchill and Moravcik".

Forza

Thanks to Number 7 fae KDS for the Paul Hartley Riverdance picture.

Seems LoTW is read by a 'Cock Rock', white jeans, white trainer, long haired mulleted rock god. David Coverdale has pointed out, in the last Hail Hails, that Def Leppard was the Star Trek loving, speccy geek, band of choice in the mid 80's.

If that's the case then "Pour Some Sugar On Me".

Tims In Shorts

When Georgios Samaras was rolled in front of the Tv camaras, after oor embarrassing exit from Eurpoa Competition, I fully expected some tough talking from the interviewer and an explaination from Samaras aboot the terrible decisions he made during the game against UEFA Vase bound, Aalborg BK.

Instead he said: "I think everybody is disappointed that we are out of Europe. We were a bit unlucky but that's football. We didn't create a lot of chances, we didn't have the final ball but in the end it was two unlucky situations and we were back home."

While agreeing wie what he is saying, except the we were unlucky bit, the biggest crime is that he didnae explain his decision to wear a scarf against Aalborg BK. A scarf last seen causing much merriment roond Francesco Totti's neck and one that, along wie his gloves, made me look at him and think "he disnny fancy this."

A player wearing a scarf and gloves must be a great sight to a short sleeved centre back. You can almost hear a centre half lick his lips wie glee at the thought of Nancy boy blood when faced wie a charlatan in that get up. 

It was only minus 6 in Denmark. Not cauld enough for Scott Brown to put a vest on. Sammy should be chased from oor door if he is seen in that get up again. In fact, GS should introduce the auld skins v bibs 5 a sides on a Friday afternoon.

That would sort them.

I couldnae see Gary Calderbuer wearing a vest or a simmit nevermind a bloody scarf. Since that defeat, Gary Calderbuer, has being doing a great impression of a Celtic club captain, while the Celtic club captain has been doing a great impression of Lord Lucan or has been reading the William Gallas manual on "How To Captain A Big Club".

'Heid' Calderbuer said aboot the Big Cup and how we progress: "We know this competition is amazing and it has been good to us for the last two years. We have to be in there again next year. So we have to pick ourselves up and win the league.

"We have to make sure we make it four in a row in the SPL and then come back stronger. But it's difficult. The Champions League is a hard competition.We can't just expect to walk in every year and be in the last 16. We have to earn that right. This year we haven't done enough to earn that right. But to not even be in the UEFA Cup is a huge blow."

Wie players like Wilson and Hinkel saying defeat to Aalbog BK was the "worst of their careers", I bet both of them had vests on, we need to pick oorselves up. The question is who will pick the team up?

Here Come The Highlanders.

The longboats, that huvnae been burned, the haggis that huvnae been ate and the Virgins that huvnae been, whose blood husnae been drunk, will taking the trip doon the M9, shouting "arrrrgggggghhhhh" and scaring Service Station staff wie their axes and uglyness. The Ross Tokelyites will fancy their chances of getting something from this trip, for the first time since 2000, as oor club is lying as low as Anne Frank hiding fae the Nazis.

Their recent record is poor. W2 D1 L5 in their last 8. They have won their last 2 away games right enough against Celtic's Feeder Club and The 'Marnocks. At CP they are on a 7 game losing streak. They have lost 9 goals in the last 30mins of games but they seem to lose goals at any point during games, no obvious weak spots.

Celtic, it is ironic that after getting beat of The 'Senkie of Denmark we have a chance to get beat from The 'Senkie of Ecosse so soon after,are 11 games unbeaten in the league but that counts for nothing due to the falloot fae midweek. Though, the management, feel that there was not much wrong wie the performance, I would be expecting changes in the starting 11.

Loovens, Wilson and Robson could be getting left oot wie Hartley, Naylor and Maloney coming in. There doesn't seem to be any sign of Hessellinkitis clearing up, maybe McGeady could make the bench, so we also maybe will see Cillian Sheridan getting a start to confirm him as the winner of the Craig Beattie 1st touch award 2008/09.

Heh, outwith Jan Vennegoor The 'Senkieskelper, wie 6 goals, only Craig Beattie has scored more than 1 against The 'Senkie in oor managers time here. Another ironic twist that.

Ex-playerism comes in the form of Barry Robson. Probably not worth a punt as I think he might be rested. But a 2-1 victory wie a centre back scoring from a set play.

That's it for another week. Hail Hails are open for more confessions from MOR Rock Gods or just sad people who have nothing better to do than talk aboot Celtic....

Forza.

Oh, Bonner, McGrain, Whyte, McGuigan, Aitken, Burns, McStay, McLeod, Archdeacon, Judas and McClair. 

Remember, remember 08/02/2000....what Celtic players scored that night?

 Mair Bottle Than Celtic

Remember the wee guy that used to be the laughing stock of your year at school? The one that wore a train-spotting green anorak, Dunlop Green Flashes, NHS specs, has a satchel, carried his gym kit in a Fine Fare poly poke, listened to Whitesnake and had an unhealthy obsession wie Star Trek and Morris Minors?

Well, Celtic are that guy today after their exit fae all Europa Competition. We never even made the early rounds of the Eurovision Song Contest. When Michael Platini, hands oot the gongs at the end of the season, we will get one entitled "Bottlers Of The Season 2008/09" wie the Tagline: "For Cheering Up Europe Wie A Hilarious Collaspe Against The Inverness Of Denmark".

I'm sure we have space next to the awards we won, for defeats in Bratislava, Brussels and Trondheim......

Away Monkey Spanks Us Guid....

When all left work, or the broo office, yesterday, i'm sure we were all looking forward to welcoming, the meek 2-0 away defeat, like a long lost friend who turns up at yer door wie 24 cans of Special Brew. Yes, a 2-1 defeat came, under what some might say cursed circumstances, it caused oor manager to describe as "Unbelievable" and LoTW to describe it as "feckin' shit".

Not that the performance was that bad, it just wasn't that guid and summed up oor disappointing Big Cup. We got what we deserved. Overall, 2 goals, the least amount of shots on and off target, the lowest amount of possession and the lowest amount of points confirm who status today as one of the worst teams in the Big Cup.

Thing is, 3rd place was a gimmie in this group and we blew it. Being not guid enough to hold on to a 1-0 lead, after controlling wie 53% possession and missing chance after chance, which fell to oor "Green Chip" European standard players, against Aalborg BK means, we deserve to be oot. The team sitting 7th in the Danish Superliga took 4 points from us. It's akin to a one-armed blindman beating you at darts.

Oor manager was stunned. He gasped: "It was there for us but our inability to keep a clean sheet has been the downfall in our run away from home and until we get that sorted things like tonight are possible. I couldn't fault any of the players, I really couldn't."

It would be easy to blame the players. I fault them, as I reckon they could have done a lot, lot better against the poorest team in the group, but to take pot shots at certain players would be not as accurate as a gun-slinger wie tourettes. 

You could say the manager made mistakes due to his team selection, his subs and him pitching in the winner of the Craig Beattie 1st touch award 2008 wie 17mins to go. That would be as unfair as beating a dog that has diahorrea for shiting on yer carpet. 

The club has failed as a collective. The players, the management and the PLC are all to blame.

At least, Gary Calderbuer, the leader on the park, unlike the missing Mick, calls it like he see's it and is honest to a fault. He blankly stared, a stare not seen since Vietnam and spewed: You can't keep saying it was bad luck, Ultimately, we weren't good enough to hold on to the lead that we managed to get or maybe even get the second goal that would have killed the game off. But we can't say we were unlucky - that's too easy. We have to look at ourselves."

He then sums up how we are all feeling: "It's a massive disappointment to have been in the position we were in and then throw it all away."

20 games and counting.

Rumour O'Filter 

This will cheer us up. According to a carrier pigeon we are interested in Seamus Coleman who is a rightback and plays for Sligo Rovers. Nice to see that John Park is making use of those £1 flights to Dublin on offer from Ryan Air.

Ok. It's over. The Hail Hails are open, you don't have to be logged in to comment, and I suspect they will be full of wailings and full of woe. Open yer heart, but it's not the place to confess that you slept wie yer 15 year old cousin when drunk.

Forza

Ok.

"Feedthebeargate"

In the attempts to be seen as knowledgeable, I posted a question that I had the wrong answer for. Roy Aitken left Celtic on the 10th Jan 1990 for The Barcodes. This means, that when he came on as a sub for Ecosse against Diego Maradonas Argentina in March 1990 he was a Barcode player.

LoTW can only apologise for this oversight. Not that 99% of the readers bothered their arse to answer the question anyway. So, to make it easier for the 99% that didnae take part here is a wee highlights package, worth watching 24mins of pure Hoopy gold, to help you wie the last blogs teaser, which was name the starting 11 that won the league at Love Street in May 86.

**Looks smug wie himself as in no way will any of the 33 readers realise that, once again, he has posted a question he does not know the answer to and the video will help him**

Boruc Kills A Helen At Love Street

It was an easy victory, as my during game Hail Hails back up, but only one "incident" will make the headlines. The incident is here. It has been described by one of the beacons of bampottery for the pay-as-you-go generation as, as bad as Toni Schumacher in the 1982 World Cup. While it's not an audition for re-make of The Karate Kid, it's akin to a drunk bumping into a fellow drunk on Sauchiehall Street on a Saturday night. No malice just stupid.

Uncle Fester MacPherson was one of the first wie the massive over-reaction: "We are not complaining about goal-scoring opportunities or it being the last man, we are only talking about the challenge. If a centre-back or outfield player makes a challenge as crude as that, I think there would only be one outcome - we would all be expecting a red card." he moaned, I think, wieoot actually seeing the incident.

The Helen player who was on the end of the "bump", Craig Dargo, put a nail in the coffin of the accusations of a heid high tackle when he said: "He caught me on the top of my leg. I wasn't really trying to look at him too much because if I had seen him coming I would have pulled out of it a bit. If he had hit me full on I would have been in some pain."

There you go. While some are blaming Boruc for war in the Middle East, The Credit Crunch and Timmy Mallet being back on the telly, the player involved backs up the footage that the HG pulls out of the challenge before contact.

Jog on. Nothing to see or moan aboot.

Which is what GS did. "We played better than we did last week against Hamilton and we had to.We were fortunate we had players who can do magical things." said GS. 52% possession, 6 shots on and 7 off target, compared to The Helen's 1 shot on and 1 shot off shows how comfortable it was.

Goals from Samaras, a cracker from Naka and a tap in from Cillian Sheridan completed 11 wins in a row. We lost a stupid goal in the last minute to oor auld friend Jim Hamilton. Only blip on the day.

The manager beamed aboot Nakamura: “The second goal [by Nakamura] was magnificent, even the boys are talking about it just now and I thought he was fantastic all day. It was a day when it was grey and horrible and you didn’t expect that kind of performance but he gave us it all day.” He is on a great scoring run The Man From Japan and is 2nd top goalscorer for us, joint wie Skippy, after Samaras, who we are glad is back.

That is 19 goals we have scored in the final 30mins of games this season but we have also lost 11 in the same period. Seems oor games come to life then.

Winner Takes It All.

It's a fight to the death then. Winner takes all in Denmark. So, it's always nice when some big mouth from the other camp comes oot wie tosh like this: ""Celtic are not intimidating. I believe we will win against them. There was no player who was outstanding, on the contrary, I was more impressed by St Mirren who managed to get some great scoring chances. Celtic's defence is far from world class, and we will create many chances if we manage to keep the ball on the ground."

While being completely off the radar wie part of that comment, we have to agree oor defence is not world class. Compared to Aalborg BK's though it has lost 6 goals less in the Big Cup this season. A defence that has lost 11 goals in 4 games should mean easy pickings but wie oor record of only 1 goal in the Big Cup and only 11 shots on target and 15 off target, means that we might be trying to savage  the Danes wie a died gerbil. 

In terms of performances away from home, we have improved this season but that has been at the detriment of creating chances and scoring goals. In fact I would say the Big Cup has been a disappointment this season.

While the press and the bookies have forgotten that we huvnae won away fae home in the Big Cup and that we huvnae scored a goal away from home since December 2006 they make us favourites to win the UEFA Vase bun fight. They seem to have missed the ghost of Rosenburg that is slapping LoTW in the coupon.

We are now behind Aalborg BK in terms of possession, 46% and 43%, and also shots on and off target. The only stat we are in front of them wie is we have commited 69 fouls compared to their 60. But, Aalborg BK have lost 7 goals in the last 15mins before HT and 5 in the last 15 before FT. That suits oor strong goalscoring record in those periods.

The guid news for us is oor Hessellinkitis seems to be clearing up wie Aiden McGeady set to return.

"Aiden has a great chance. His calf injury is okay. He had a bit of tendonitis in the knee in the last couple of days but he came in yesterday and felt really good." said Neil Lennon, Celtic chief cone puter-outer, before the team flew oot.

He agrees wie LoTW's when he said: "It is a must win game for us. I think it will be a British style game. But we are in good form and we want to get that monkey off our back in terms of winning away from home". The winning away fae hame monkey means that I would take a draw in this game.

Aalborg BK have only lost to Man Utd and Getafe at home in Europe in the last 5 years. Though Celtic's record in Europe against Danes is decent, 7W 2D 2L, this is a tough tie just due to THAT away record. We have to treat it as a Scottish Cup tie against a team we have the guns to outgun. That team though, also fancy their chances at causing an upset.

Will we stick wie oor 4-2-3-1 formation that we played at Trafford Ball Park and El Madrigal or revert to a 4-4-2? Oor manager say's: "We try and attack everywhere we go so it will be no different and we will play the game as we see it" while mentioning slight injury concerns to Nakamura, Robson and Hartley.

The golden notebook needs all 3 to be on it. Esp Robson. He will need to add to his 14 fouls that he has already commited this season in the Big Cup. At least we are top of the Big Cup league in something.

It's nearly behind the couch time. Thoughts and fears, put them in the Hail Hails (you don't have to be logged in to comment), it's like a problem page for sad, lonely Tims worried aboot away Euro games. Dinny worry, last time we played on the 25th November, away from home, we drew wie Barca.

Forza

It's been a bad week for Sir Mintalot. In this, his 20th year of presiding over Bankruptcy, Bigotry, Boomsungism and Bampottery, firstly, he has seen The Huns season ticket list posted on the Timternet, secondly, he has called the peepul of Airdrie and Shotts racist bigots and thirdly threatened the Heidie of Celtic.

In reply to Sir Mintalots statement, the Heidie of Celtic tore him a new one wie sarcastic reply.

Fight, Fight, Fight......and throw in some mud.

Like being in a Deloran Time Machine, LoTW feels that recent events, the rise in racist abuse and chanting, the rise in sectarian attacks and the meeja burying their heids in the sand going "La, La, La, La hear no evil see no evil", means we have been transported back to the mid 80's when perms, bubble coats, Nike Airs and Huey Lewis were cool.

Tims In Rehab.

Artur Boruc, decided to choose the Amy Winehouse route to recovery fae Hessellinkitis. He was caught by the Polish version of The Sun, downing pints of lager, smoking Cuban cigars and got up close and personal with a pretty blonde in a city bar.Worse was to follow when he went to watch a horror flim called "Midnight Meat Train", which was aboot some Huns on a trip into Europe.

 "It was his weekend off. He can do what he wants." said WGS echoing the thoughts of all Timdom who are not of a certain vintage and the above describes their normal weekend. The certain vintage Tims just say lucky barsteward.

Aiden McGeady, decided to follow Arturs lead and take the "Winehoose Route" to aid his recovery fae Hessellinkitis. Just this time it ended up wie him getting a smack. A so-called pal said: "There was about three of them and they started dishing out some abuse, it was pretty heavy stuff. One of them punched him on the face a couple of times.”

Some of Timdom, ones of a certain vintage, remember when getting abuse and a smack was part and parcel of a normal weekend.

Rumour O'Filter

After not learning from Paddy McCourt, John Park has been seen sniffing around Tallaght and courting the services of St Pats midfielder Keith Faye. He is available for a few light bulbs and Chris Killen. Big Eck at The Brum is already preparing his buns for the fight.

Semir Stilic, a Bosnian midfielder currently plying his trade in Poland has been linked wie a £2.5m move to us. "I know Celtic have had him watched a couple of times and are showing interest but it is up to Lech Poznan (was he not a Union leader?) whether they want to sell him or not. I do know they turned down a bid of 2.5m earlier this season for him." said his Mr15% while hoping for a nice wee new year earner.

A Store Were The Creatures Meet.

Oor last ever visit to The Midden that is Love Street tomorrow. A stadium that holds memories of that day in May 86 when Albert Kidd became a Celtic legend. A day that we were shoaked wie radioactive rain, played in the best away kit ever and played some of the most famous football in oor fitba' clubs history.

It was also the day LoTW was involved in his first and last pitch invasion.

The midweek UEFA Vase qualifier wie Aalborg BK looms, like a big boil on yer arse, but getting 3 points against the Helen Mirrens is all that is on the managers mind. "I'm not having that nonsense (The Big Cup being mair important). The SPL is our main target. They always make it tough for us. We once scored five there but the rest of the games have been close."

Aye, after oor poor performance last week and coupled wie the factors of The Helen's being a better team than Relegated Hamilton and this being the last time we visit Love Street, flags this up as red for danger.

Injuries will play havoc, again, wie the golden notebook. Paul Hartley bemoaned George Burley and The Falklands when he said: "I came off after 60 minutes (in the Ecosse game wie The Malvinas) with a knock and I'll need to see the medical staff at Celtic before I know if I'll be fit for the weekend." Meaningless friendlies also took there toll wie Barry Robson also being sent home injured wie tight-hammie-ouch. Also, Massimo Donati, who has started the last 2 games, is oot for a few weeks wie kicking-a-training-cone-ouch.

Oor midfield options are as thin as Kate Moss. Up front, Sammy should be looking to return to full fitness wie hopefully a decent run oot and the manager will need to decide between Craig Beattie-alike Cillian Sheridan and the off-form Shaun Maloney wie Skippy still being riddled wie the Kangaroo pox, which is killing baby 'Roos due to expanding arseness. Aiden McGeady may come into contention if his nose has been put back in place.

We are going for 11 wins in a row. Mick McManus reckons this is the best squad we have had for years, he boasted: "If we had three or four players injured in previous years then they would be badly missed. But it just shows you how strong the squad is that it doesn't matter who you are, you are not going to be missed because there is a good player coming in. That is a valuable thing to have in a squad."

This run proves that. The hope is, the Helen Mirrens, carry on their dismal run of 3 defeats coming into this game. Uncle Fester MacPherson says and quite rightly: "We have to start the game positively, but both in an attacking sense and defensively." They gave The Huns a real fright last weekend and have already beaten them at Love Street this season.

They have only scored 1 goal in their last 5 games and have not won a match since they beat Relegated Hamlton on the 18th October. A win for them would be a major shock but it's possible. Too many factors, though, make this not an away banker.

The Helen's don't lose many goals in the first period. They have lost 6 goals in the first 45, wie half of them coming between 40-45mins. 10 goals have been shipped in the second period 14 of them from 60mins onwards. Celtic, have scored 16 goals this season from 60mins onwards and also have scored 4 in the last 5mins of the first half. 

In oor last 3 games a midfielder has scored. We may be waiting until the 2nd period for the breakthrough tomorrow, added to the fact that 12:30ko are usually dull and don't come to life until after HT, then a late 2-0 victory wie Scott Brown scoring seems a decent punt.

Comments will be posted during the game tomorrow so I hope to see the Hail Hails bulging like a strippers jockstrap loaded wie white cotten socks.

Oh, Paul McStay and Roy Aitken.

And, on that famous day in 1986 what was the Celtic starting 11? 

Forza

Hurrah.

Remember, hopefully all 33 readers will, that I reported Laptop LoTW was suffering, like must of the Celtic team, from Hessellinkitis. Yes? Well, it has made a full recovery despite being told by this bunch of McCunist's that it's career was over.

So, from the ashes, like Bawwy(8), but wie mair purpose and wieoot the knee-ouch, it means LoTW will return to it's (ir)regular self-"Boo" cry 33 readers- and the blogs will, hopefully, be shorter- "Hurrah!!" cry 33 readers.

In celebration of this and in light of the Tartan Urmies embarrassing fixation wie Diego Maradona's Argentina, I'm bowling you a wee brain teaser to test if 1) any of you have brains and 2) or any of you are auld enough to know the answer.

Diego Maradona's Argentina played a worthless friendly at Hampden in 1990. Name the Celtic players that played in the worthless 1-0 Scotland win.

Huns Go Into Permarage Over The Tims In Black.

When Paul Hartley is not fronting a sub-standard Chilli-Peppers wannabe stoner surfer types he is scoring late goals for Celtic in dodgy 2-1 victories over Plucky Relegated Hamilton. Highlights or lowlights are here.

"It was a crucial time," said Zico while laughing at the FACT that LoTW didnae mention him in the ex-playerism as he used to play for Plucky Relegated Hamilton, "It was the last few minutes of the game and I played a one-two with Scott Brown and managed to strike it very well. Thankfully it went in." So were all of The Hoops who were glad to see Celtic scoring their 12th goal this season in the last 15 mins of games.

It was also the 16th time under WGS that we have come from behind to win cames in the final minutes and this season it's the second time we have came from a goal down to win a game. It's also only the 2nd time this season we have lost the opening goal but...this time we cameback to win.

The game did change on a dodgy decision though. This time the M.I.B called the decision correctly, free kick and sending off, but his assistant M.I.B told him it was a pen, which Nakamura buried wie ease despite heavy strapping on his knee.

Plucky Relegated Hamilton boss, Billy Reid, boaked on his broon brogues while shouting: "TV evidence has proved it was outside the box, but that's the way it has been for us. When we played Rangers recently Kris Boyd scored an offside goal and that went against us. Two weeks ago Chris Porter scored and was clearly offside. I hear and read so much about decisions going against teams and it is definitely going against Hamilton at the moment."

It's true that when yer pishing in the wind wie, no wins in 8, then it's odds on that yer pish will end up on yer dress trousers. Plucky Relegated Hamilton are now finding that out.

WGS gloated: "I just know it's a penalty. Football can be harsh at times. I've been on the end of harsh decisions and you have to deal with it." We will have to deal wie it as well as in the coming months I can see decisions now going against us on the behest of the meeja.

On the poor performance WGS said:"I thought Hamilton were terrific. Their performance in the first half especially was excellent and we didn't have enough in our locker to break them down. They had plenty of energy and we had to do something at half-time to make it better. We did that and things were better in the second half."

Oor stats of 9 shots on and 5 shots of target gie us the impression of a battering. The 50% possession stat shows just how close it came to all going pear-shaped before Gretna last season peered into view. M.I.A awards go to Shaun Maloney, Andy Hinkel, Mark Wilson and Cillian Sheridan. Scott Brown was quiet and Paul Hartley was MOTM by the length of the M74.

But we can't complain. We are unbeaten in 10 games. We have scored 29 goals in a period. The team have kept on winning while being on their arses wie Hessellinkitis. We have only had 2 dodgy performances during that winning run and they were at Inversenkie and Plucky Relegated Hamilton.

All's guid eh?

Tims In Shorts.

Paul Caddis, has seen his pre-season promise disappear but it husnae stopped him wanting a 1st team start. He said of his opperchancity this week by captaining Scotland's U21: "This is another chance to impress my club manager. Every game you play you're going to be watched, so you want to impress. Playing in international football you are playing against the best, so it's a chance to impress my club manager."

Yes, playing in a meek 3-1 defeat to Norn Iron, hardly the best international side in the world, is bound to impress a watching manager.

Andy Hinkel, who when he is not singing 6th form poetry, fronting Radiohead Buckley wannabees, while walking along a beach looking for surfer stoner dudes to hit wie a baseball bat, he is doing an impression of a German Internationlist right back for us. On the worthless friendly Germany are playing against them he said: "" I am happy to have been called up by the coach", before adding in the vain hope of getting a game: "I reckon several German players are injured" while jumping up and down wie his hand in the air.

Gary Caldwell, who returned to the 'Heid and Hoof' form on Sunday, said of playing against Diego Maradona's Argentina: "We took this game on to get a big match and a good atmosphere," forgetting that the match has bombed and the only atmosphere will be created by the Diego sitting in the stands.

"It will be great to be involved. You play football to play against the best players and Argentina have got them." added Heid but Barry Robson disnny seem to think so as he has decided to gie the worthless friendly a miss wie put on tight hamstring-ouch. 

Rumour O'Filter

The already boring saga of an over the hill left back looking for a last payday took another twist wie his Mr 15% saying: "He is adored by the fans, he adores them and he loves being at a huge club like Barca. I'd say it's far more likely he will look at his situation in June."

I'm sure Bolton and Wigan are watching the situation.

The first fantasy signing rumour of the season. Craig Bellamy is rumoured to be wanted to join the long list of strikers we will have injured in the run-in. A Celtic source has said: "He has his eye on Bellamy and wants to make a move in January. Gordon has worked with Bellers before so knows all about his controversial nature. But he believes he can get the best out of him and give him the chance to win trophies and play at the highest possible level in the Champions League again.'

He called him Bellars..this is happening.

So that's it. I'm off to scream "Bellamy, Bellamy, Bellammmmmyyyy" for a few hours and then settle down and watch my Doctor Who box set. I'm sure the 23.76% of LoTWites, who have completed "World Of War Craft" will now be geekified on "Football Manager" for the foreseeable.

 Stark, McAvennie 3, McGhee 3 and Miller.

Hail Hails are open.

Thanks to ndcsc for the Plucky Relegated Hamilton picture.

Wow.

What a week. A week that has rocked the foundations of Celtic Fitba' Club. Yes, this week the Celtic PLC sunk to a new low. Aboot 30mins into the 1st half on Wednesday night the Timbotron had an advert for the Egg-Chasing in Embra this weekend. It's shameful that they think the normal 'Tic fan would be interested in Egg-Chasing* but wanting us to spend oor hard earned giros in salt and sauce land is a step too far.

What do you mean Celtic have been banning fans for taking part in a peaceful, some would say misguided, protest? Oh, disclaimer it's seems they haven't, so make up yer own mind.

Integrity and Dignity

It's all as murky as Walter Nosurname claiming that M.I.B Flagwaver Timmy Murphy has it in for The Huns. Nosurname said: "the stand-side linesman Mr Murphy... had one of those last season and gave an offside Scott McDonald goal." showing no sign of bitterness whatsoever. LoTW awaits the SFA/SPL summons, delivered by winged monkey, arriving at Ipox wie bated breath. Strange Nosurname never mentioned the offside call they got at New Douglas Park wie the same gusto.

Hunnarism Is Catching.  

After, Bernie's pitch to become the spokesman for the RST another contender put his beannie hat in the ring. The Saint Of Good Causes, Bono, was presenting an award to the man who wrote "The Frog Chorus" and "Mull Of Kintyre", which is better than the shite MTV show 24 hours a day now.

Anyway, he decided to pro-claim that Liverpool was the "capital of Eastern Ireland" and that popular beat combo "The Beatles" would have been Irish if it "wasn't for the potato famine". LoTW wonders if this is the first example of reserve famine songism?

One Man Went To Mo, Went To Mo A Sheridan.

Celtic beat, First Division Team In Waiting, The Marnocks, 3-0, a scoreline predicted by LoTW, wie goals from Cillian Sheridan, here,here and the usual goal from 'Marnockskelper Shunsuke Nakamura. WGS was impressed by a fringe player who looked like he was being packed to Sampdoria in the summer.

"I thought that was the right kind of game for him", gushed WGS, confirming what LoTW thought that Massimo Donati could only play in games so one-sided the pitch was in danger of tipping over, "...his performances in training have been absolutely fantastic": pointed oot WGS as if he needed to confirm Mo-Do's inclusion shoulnae have been a surprise.

3 points, 9 wins in a row and now 4 points clear after losing the league, according to the meeja, at the end of August. "We've won 9 SPL games in a row and in that time we have had to play Big Cup games and Diddy Cup games and have had to deal with that", smirked WGS before adding :"So the players can be pleased wie themselves".

It was a game that we were so far in front even at 1-0 it was comfortable. Future Scotland Manager, Jim Jeffries, again, proved his ineptness when playing a decent team. This lead to Celtic being slack in the final third of the field.

Cillian Sheridan continued his road to graduating wie honours from the Craig Beattie School of Strikers Bobby Lennox Castle Branch. 2 goals, taking his tally to 3 in his flirtation wie the first 11, and a performance that really did nothing to say he has what it takes.

WGS said aboot Cillian:"I couldn't have asked for anything more, it was a terrific performance. When he came here to Celtic, he was raw but there was something about him. We've realised that he is an intelligent lad that takes things in". He is still raw and one thing the masses seem to think that he does not seem to have natural fitba' intelligence. To learn this he needs games. To get games he will need to go oot on loan when Hessellinkitis clears up.

Wednesday, produced 60.3% possession stat wie 9 shots on and 6 shots off target. First Division team in waiting, The 'Marnocks, did not register a shot on goal. Celtic's last 2 goals came in the 75 and 84th mins. This means we have now score 11 goals in the final 15 minutes of games this season.

Rumour O'Fliter

Sylvinho, the 34yo ex-Arsenal and now Barca reserve, has opened his heart on a dream move, which will see him fufill a dream to play in Paisley and Inverness. He said: "It was mentioned to me in August that Celtic were interested in me, but back then I was not comtemplating leaving Barca". Sounds like he now is.

Austrian Marc Janko has been linked to take Cillian Sheridan place on the Celtic bench. The Red Bull Salzburg striker is attracting attention from big hitters such as Udinese, Sampdoria, Genoa and Espanyol. He has scored 20 goals in 16 games this season and at 6ft 5in seems he is maybe viewed as Jan Vennegor's younger fitter brother.

Dundee Hibs Polish number 1, whose parents where such massive Kate Bush fans they changed their name by deed poll in her honour, Lukasz Zaluska, will maybe sign a pre-contract in January to sit on the bench until Artur leaves.

Will It Be All Academic?

Relegated Hamilton Accies welcome Celtic to Hamilton for the first time since season 1988/89. That game ended wie The Hoops winning 8-0 and for some fun let's see how many of the 33 readers can name the goalscorers?

That version of Douglas Park is now a supermarket so New Douglas Park is where the Bhoys will try and make it 10 in a row and hopefully it won't end up cherrio to 10 in a row. It would be a major shock if Relegated Hamilton stopped their drop to the 1st division and end thier 8 game run wieoot a win by beating 9 in a row Celtic.

As before future playerism comes in the form of Judas James McCarthy who will be glad of a game that he disnny get racist abuse. He is Accies 2nd top goalscorer wie an earth shattering 2 goals. Top goalscorer is Graham wie 3.

Celtc, who welcomed back Georgios Samaras, Glenn Loovens and Shunsake Nakamura back for the game against The 'Marnocks are still short of a full deck. We are still wieoot Hesselink (Hesselinkitis), Crosas (Hammie ouch),  McGeady (Loss of form ouch), Joe Doumbe (Who ouch?), Paddy McCourt (Just unfit ouch), Chris Killen (We are havin' a laugh ouch) and Artur Boruc (Dodgy goalie knee ouch).

We should have enough to overcome Relegated Hamilton who have lost 6 goals between 15 and 25mins and 7 goals between 35 and 45mins. Celtic have scored 5 and 7 goals in those periods. Will Scotlands 2nd top goalscorer, Georgios Samaras get the chance to regain top spot in that chart by starting the game and scoring in those weak Relegated Hamilton periods? Will Scott McDonald decide that he fancies scoring this week instead of improving on his impressive 7 assists this season?

Golden notebook changes could come in the midfield also. Nakamura maybe rested, Mo-Do may make way for Hartley or Robson and could KoKo The Mizuno come into the reckoning? Score? 4-0 wie McDonald scoring 2 of them.

Finto. I'm off to laugh at the geeks who play "World Of War Craft" and in no way feel embarressed that I get excited over Celtic stats the sameway they get excited by playing in a fantasy world killing fantasy zombies. It's just as bad as Football Manager, I tell you. And being a stat geek is mair cool than being a fantasy geek. We have better clothes and taste in music.

Hail Hails are open leave a comment on this pish if you can be bothered. Celtic homepage is here, LoTW profile page is here. Oh, Darren O'Dea and Aiden McGeady. Do none of the 33 LoTWites read the blog? Heh.

Forza.

*LoTW knows that 33.3% of the 33 LoTWites like Egg-Chasing.*

It's been a MASSIVE week for the new world outlook. The keyholders of the free world tore up their rulebook and made themselves cool again, Celtic scored a Big Cup goal, hurrah, cheating monkey-rat Kevin Thomson got injured, really this time he didnae kid on he was injured to escape a sending off, and is oot for the season and Bernie Ecclestone has made moves to become The Huns new spokesman regarding that song.

Bernie, in true Hun fashion, decided that guys painting their faces black, making monkey noises and wearing t-shirts proclaiming they were "Lewis Hamiltons family" was a "joke" and nothing to do wie racism. Oh, the banter then.

I hear the political wing of the R*ngers Trust are planning on using this example of banter to wash away their sins.

Celtic Spring Motherwells Offside Trap.

There was 11 offsides against Celtic on Saturday. The North Stand linesman was as overworked as Sarah Palins credit card in a shopping mall. Scott McDonald and Cillian Sheridan were caught mair often than a dead pike in the Clyde as their one-sided partnership seems on the verge of collaspe. Scott McDonald seems to thinks so as well...

"He's been injured a lot, but he came back pre-season and just blew everyone away. He's tall, he can run, he can finish, he has skill and he is one of the fittest guys I know" said the bush kangaroo noticing how Cillian is showing a lack of all of the above in recent games.

If Cillian came into the Dragon's Den and asked for £50,000 to contribute to his future development then this dragon would be oot. While Craig Beattie, whom Cillian has been likened to by this blog, looked like scoring, Cillian looks like this wee spell in the 1st team has damaged his confidence and that he goes home at night and hides under the covers wimpering.

But he is the 6th choice striker.

Oor manager was quite happy wie oor comfortable 2-0 victory over The 'Well. A goal as rare as haggis on highlands moorland from Paul Hartley, who celebrated old school style by running to the middle of the auld jungle, and Scott McDonald scored his 7th goal against his former club. GIRUY.

"....they started well in the first 20mins. We got oor second wind then and so did the crowd, because I think the crowd were like us- mentally tired from the Wednesday game- and once we got over all that we started playing some decent stuff and the game became easier for us" beamed wee Chesney while cursing the Hessellinkites that is gripping the club.

Possession stats of 57% is a decent returning considering Barry Robson kept on losing the ba' and looked like he was playing wie a ton of bricks on his back. Paul Hartley, Gary Caldwell and Scott Brown kept the team going and we had 5 shots on and 8 shots off target. Motherwell made Mark Brown, who looked pleased at being back in the team, see above, do some work and had a decent 4 shots on target in the 1st period. The sending off was harsh for Motherwell but I don't think it made any difference to the final result.

Free Falling 'Marnocks Come To CP.

Last time The 'Marnocks won at CP in 1054BC the future Scotland manager, Jim Jeffries, deployed a Stegosaurus in goal and a Diplodocus at centre half. The 'Marnocks are showing their true relegation form after a flirtation wie 3rd spot a few weeks back. 6 defeats in their last 8. 3 defeats in a row and no goals in the last 2. Their away record this season is W2 and L3 and they have lost all games when they have lost the 1st goal.

Celtic have a higher body count than Fred West's basement. Hesselink (Hesselinkitis), Crosas (Hammie ouch), Samaras (Oh-Ah-Ouch), Nakamura (Killie ouch), Maloney (Dead Leg ouch), McGeady (Loss of form ouch), Loovens (Bad hair ouch), Joe Doumbe (Who ouch?), Paddy McCourt (Just unfit ouch), Chris Killen (We are havin' a laugh ouch) and Artur Boruc (Dodgy goalie knee ouch) are all unavailable or struggling for this game.

So it's a case of who is still standing that will be noted in black ink on the managers golden notebook. Wie has havin' as much creativity available as the 'wattienaccio' solutions have to come from the youths. Oor manager praised the 2min contribution of Koki Mizuno on Saturday. "He did well when he came on and he really enjoyed it. He got the crowd going with his energy and movement so we are pleased with him". Also, Paul Caddis got a 40min runout when he did little to recapture his pre-season form. Barry Robson, as pointed out, looks like his boilersuit is weighing him down.

We should still have enough, even if we field Massimo Donati, Koki and Caddis to beat The 'Marnocks. In oor last 2 meetings we won 3-1. In those games oor scorers were Maloney, Samaras (2), Nakamura, McGeady and McDonald. Only McDonald is available from that little lot. A Celtic player has not scored against The 'Marnocks at CP since 2nd Jan 2007 when we won 2-0. Can you name the scorers that day? Nae prize just the knowledge yer an anorak.

We are unbeaten in oor last 8 games. We have scored 31 goals this season. 14 of those goals have come in the last 10 of the 1st half or the last 10 of the 2nd half. We have lost 13 goals this season and 10 of these goals have been in the 2nd period and we lost the only game we never scored first in.

Oor Hessellinkities means that teams have the best chance of beating us at this time. Oor lack of flair players is a worry. Skippy has scored 2 goals in the last 2 and we will have to look to him again to be the main goal threat. Ex-playerism is David Fernandez. He has scored 1 goal this season.

Can see another comfortable victory but that has mair to do wie future Scotland manager ineptness at producing a team capable of beating us rather than us being fantastic. Scott Brown to score anytime and 3-0 for LoTW.

Rumour O'Filter.

The News Of The World reported, after it had reported the latest Fizzy Pop League striker who has been caught 'roastin' a wannabee WAG wie a Tesco carrot, that Newcastle were prepared to offer upwards of £5m for unhappy Celtic midfielder Aiden McGeady. I'll let the LoTWites figure oot the mistruths in that story.

Some Mr 15% for some Croatian bloke say's Celtic have pulled oot a deal to sign the Amkar player. Tomislav Dujmovic is the player and his 15%er, Pedrag Racki, calls the SSM and John Park amkars wie this rage: "We had an agreement with Celtic, but for whatever reason they have decided to pull out the transfer. Dujmovic will now be staying in Russia" much to the disappointment of Mr 15%'s bank balance.

Hey Ho, that's it over. Hail Hails are open leave a comment on this pish if you can be bothered. Celtic homepage is here, LoTW profile page is here. I'm off to ponder why after getting the notion to bet a Middlesboro' and Spurs double yesterday why did LoTW decide to spend the £5 on sausages, eggs and bread for his breakfast instead? You can eat anytime but beating the bookies disnny happen every week.

Forza. 

Thanks to Number 7 from KDS for the picture, no, not the Hannibal Lecter one.

It's been one of those weeks. A week that has seen the world landscape change for the greater good, hopefully. Much to "Millwall Mobster" Steven Patrick Morrissey's delight American voted correctly and much to oor delight Celtic scored a goal in the Big Cup. Hurrah!!!!!

Matchday 4 produced some strange results. Roma beating The Chelsea Chavs, Bordeaux b